This post today is partially inspired by Dr. J. About a week ago he let off a series of tweets about dating. I won’t quote them all but the gist of the tweets are that none of us should be caught complaining about someone being cheap. His stance was that if you’re not paying for the date then it’s best you have a Coke and a smile and appreciate what you all end up doing. Now I promise you all that this will come full circle; just vibe with me a bit.
Life is expensive, that’s no secret.
So there’s no question that dating is affected by this as well. There were times in the past where there was more variance or options in terms of what you could do on a date night. Particularly in the winter time, there are limited activities that could be seen as cost effective. In warmer weather, ice cream, good conversation and a walk in the park might make a successful evening. This time of the year, it’s a bit different.
This time of the year we depend on a couple of old faithfuls to get us through the cold months. Use the following two examples as a barometer for the sign of the times.
The movies used to be a safe bet. It’s still a fun activity to do on a date but it can no longer be seen as a cheap date. The increased price of movie tickets can affect daters across the board. For us adults, maybe it isn’t the biggest deal. But to college students or high schoolers this can be a growing headache. I’m almost sure these prices will do nothing but increase. Check out this article about the record highs of movie ticket prices. It was written in 2013 and for any New Yorkers, you know our ticket averages are way above $8.50. Check out the article here.
Bowling is still a cool thing to do. But in a city like New York a cool thing to do usually equals big business. I can only speak from what I’ve seen around me. And in years past there were many bowling alleys to choose from in the five boroughs. This is no longer the case. New York City is home to bowling franchises. They capitalize on the activity. The days people actually can afford the time to bowl, the prices to bowl are more expensive. Conversely, and to be fair you can find very affordable rates at bowling alleys usually during weekdays. But what makes sense from a business perspective is hurting working class people’s pockets.
Those are two examples of simple used to be very affordable activities becoming a bit more expensive. Once you put into perspective that no one has eaten yet during these activities, then you factor it in. Now it sinks in that damn, what are some other alternatives? I’m sure there are a few. Some of you all may feel that you’re simple and that you can make anything damn near a date. I agree to a degree. But you still have to get out there and do some things and have some fun.
This post isn’t written to say that I’m cheap, because I’m not.
I’ll spend what I feel on a given night. I also think that you all would do the same. This isn’t so much about the money spent, but more about the principle. Dr. J was compelled to say something on this subject because he couldn’t grasp a non paying participant on a date calling the payer cheap. This was written to add perspective in my own little way. Ain’t much cheap in today’s world. When I’m out on a date and someone happens to get me anything- ANYTHING, I’m extremely appreciative. You could insist on getting Dentyne Ice for me and I’d be so appreciative. At the end of the day you just didn’t have to, you know?
So in this ever so pricey world, let’s just remember the little sacrifices that go into providing a fun evening for someone. Calling somebody cheap is not the business, unless they’re really getting you snack wraps for dinner. By all means call their ass cheap then.
What was your cheapest date like? What was your most expensive date like? Whether you were on the giving or receiving end, let me know. And how do you all feel about the economics of dating in 2015? All relevant ish I think, let’s dig in.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS
The cheapest date I’ve been on where I was less than appreciative was back in college, a guy asked me out to dinner at red lobster then a movie. I’m ready for some cheddar bay biscuits & dressed up a little… His money got funny & he took me to Chipotle last minute (which was across the street from red lobster) that was the first & last date, it killed my vibe Lol.
Most expensive date probaThe cheapest date I’ve been on where I was less than appreciative was back in college, a guy asked me out to dinner at red lobster then a movie. I’m ready for some cheddar bay biscuits & dressed up a little… His money got funny & he took me to Chipotle last minute (which was across the street from red lobster) that was the first & last date, it killed my vibe Lol.
Most expensive date I remember included several activities & we were together for at least 7 hrs- Go karts, movie, lunch, dinner, lounge/bar etc it was so fun
In 2015, idk it’s nice to start off putting a little more money into dates and as you get to know each other in a few months then break out your groupons, coupons, & cheaper dates esp as they become more frequent but please try to impress me at least that first time lol
The cheapest date I’ve ever been on was when a guy took me to Applebees and kind of suggested (forced) me to order from the 2 for 20 menu. Um, we never hung out again. Not because he took me there but because I found out later it was a “test” to see if I’d complain … don’t test me.
He forced you to do 2 for $20?! that’s outta control lol
Forced 2 for $20! LMBO
Girl, the test was his excuse. Besides, how does one recover from making such a horrible impression? Coercion to 2 for $20. From that point on if anyone suggested, I’ll foot my own bill and order what I want.
This made me laugh out loud!!!!
College dates were the worst man. No matter how much fun and creativity you tried to insert into your night, it went south when the bank sent that text cause you had $3.72 left in checking. Thank God for the Redbox though. Got me through some rough winters.
Post grad? Well… same thing. I’m broke baybee. But that redbox still hittin.
Nah I’m kidding dating now is really fun. My girl and I enjoy nightcaps at different bars after a movie or an event. And the best part is I’M NOT PAYING FOR EVERY DATE MAKING $7.75/HR AND WORKING 20 HOURS A WEEK. Any college student that reads this just understand dating during undergrad is a waste of time. Take advantage of what you got on campus and have friends.
From the makers of the “Love Contract”, now bring you the “Date Contract”…rofl
Cheap date probably Wendy’s. The most expensive date on me was candy, teddy bear, pj’s, boxer’s, toothbrush, dinner at expensive small delicious seafood restaurant, and (surprise) hotel. Whew! ALL ON ME! He had no sense of doing anything right so I actually thought I would show him. LOL, it didn’t work. He thought everything should be on me, selfish cheap bast@rd!
He made me do a 2 for $20, too. My dumb @$$ tried to be understanding. However when the bill wasn’t on him he paid no attention to cost… Moral to the story: It is through experience one realizes the error of their ways. Pay attention, and never repeat stupid acts. LOL!
I’m a lunch dater …all day.
1. You and I can get to know the fact that we both have jobs.
2. Lunch is what? ….$25-$35 tops?
3. No need to provide entertainment.
4. Conversation under time restraints.
5.If it sucks,..well it’s just lunch…hell I might even give it another shot. It’s not like I spent $200.
I’m not cheap on night dates when I’m trying to impress. However, I do make
it a point to say that what I HAVE and how I LIVE is not the same thing.
Translation: This 5 star restaurant ish aint MY normal. I think (based on our
lunch dates) that you’re worthy of this occasion.
I like lunch dates too lol
Yup! Lunch and brunch dates are solid go-tos for a person you’re just meeting and need to vet to see if they’re even worth a $200 date.
We broke broke broke phi broke we ain’t got it…
My cheapest date might’ve been a poetry slam in my fake deep days, it was on a local campus and its free food to tolerate the mediocre poetry.
Most expensive, man I still got PTSD about it. Don’t order bottles on a first date ladies, its rude.
Bokkles?! Sheesh man
I don’t like the sound of “cheap date”, it sounds so garish. I prefer “low cost date”
The least expensive date I’ve had would have to be window shopping at a book store and having hot chocolate/coffee afterwards. You get to know what topics and authors interest them; maybe even find a few new books to read in a low-pressure environment.
I dig that, not too long ago a young lady and myself bought each other some fun books and Urban Outfitters and took a walk in the park and exchanged them. It was fun.
I consider an expensive date to be taking a girl to a pro sports game or a concert or something like that. Taking someone out to eat or for drinks is pretty standard; you cant really get around doing that unless you know each other relatively well enough where she can just come by the house and chill.
I never felt comfortable or like it was impressive enough to suggest something like getting ice cream and just walking around the park or extra cheap stuff like that lol
What was your cheapest date like? What was your most expensive date like?
The cheapest date was going to the movies and Mcdonalds and walking around South Street in Philly. Actually, Even cheaper, was when a guy bought me a rose, and we talked and walked around Penns Landing in Philly by the water…lol. Imo a truly “cheap date” is when the person doesn’t pay one red cent. Most expensive was I think a play in NY, dinner and a hotel for the weekend. I’ve been on some pretty great dates, and I’m not sure how much they all costed. One was an amusement park, Six Flags; another was VA Beach for the 4th of July weekend. I’ve also went to an Alicia Keyes concert, drinks and dinner on a first date.
Most expensive date I’ve ever took a guy on, I bought him a bouqet of multi-colored roses, (I wanted to pick him up from home but he wouldn’t let me). lol. I took him to dinner, and then to some lounge or bar he liked for drinks. It was cool. We both had a great time.
And how do you all feel about the economics of dating in 2015? I feel the same as I’ve always felt. Dating is and always will be expensive as hell.
I’ve always felt for men because of the money they spend on dating. I have male friends and family who’ve told me how much they spent on dates. Some of them have taken women they were dating and had only known for a few months on trips out of town, or out of state. Blew my mind the exorbitant amount of paper guys spend on women they haven’t know for very long, and don’t know very well.
If i was a guy, I would Not spend very much money on women in the infancy stages of dating. Too often, men foolishly allow women to dictate how much they spend on them based on their looks, and the possibility of getting some. Many guys i know, don’t even get chex from the women they spend bookoo money on. Not to mention, she never becomes his lady. Granted if a man has the money, most times he doesn’t care. But its the principle of it.
In your mind, you should have a price limit of how much you will spend. You don’t have to share it with the lady because it’s none of her business. I agree with Dr. J, she’s not paying for the date, you are. It should be the same for every woman. Not based on her looks, or on the premise of possibly getting some azz; but based on how long you’ve known her, how close you are with her, and what you want to spend on her. I’ve always discouraged guys from spending too much money on me on a first and second date. It’s crazy to me. Your just meeting me for the first time. Your just spending a considerable amount of time with me for the first time, with the purpose of us both getting to know one another better. Spending hundreds of dollars is unnecessary.
I’m more impressed when a man can use his imagination, and keep my interest through his sheer creativity, not how much money he spends. Putting
forth effort, coming up with something unique and creative requires a lot more than just forking out a bunch of dough to impress somebody.
My low cost date was with my now hubby.We got hot dogs, drinks and honey buns from a convenience store. We then parked by the water, talked and ate. Over the years we’ve had far more expensive dates,but, we remember that one particularly.
I stopped taking women on dates that cost money a long time ago. My boy told me his rule is “Don’t ever spend money on these h03s. They won’t even get a aquafina from me. only your woman gets that privilege” and he’s right. I’m spending money on a date that may lead to you never calling again, too many women looking for a free meal.
I live in NYC, so I have a lot of free options. I’ve taken dates on strolls through one of the many parks getting to know each other or one of the fun free events that goes on throughout the year courtest of TimeoutNY.com.
good point. bigger cities usually have free options, so it’s easier to spend < $40
It would be cool if the first few dates were impressive even if they’re not expensive. After a month or so I can see being clear about not spending too much on entertainment. It’s hard for all of us. Thankfully if you take me anywhere outside to do any activity and we get some Gatorade and a light meal….I’m good. But my sons say I’d be a flower child if I didn’t work in corporate America.
I can relate. I’m very simple and easy to please. While this post was about dates, my most favored gift came to mind, which was a CD, personally made. Similar to me, my ex was brought to tears from a greeting card, I made for him.
Love those “mix tapes”! I know that told my age….lol.
Awesome perspective! People should just be happy to get someone to pay for anything at all these days. Times are hard, but thankfully cheap gas helps. Society and appreciation just doesn’t seem to go together now. People are always looking for the next big thing or for what’s trending. Because of that, efforts are often overlooked.
I really don’t believe efforts are overlooked or under appreciated. The issue is based upon a gauge of dates before you. There are many men who feel the need to over-impress. He wants to wine, dine, and show off. These acts have never been impressive to me. Some women grow to expect this behavior as the norm because it’s what they know and always had.