Why Science Says You SHOULD Root For the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl
If you follow sports at all, you know the Super Bowl is this weekend and sports reporters really enjoy discussing deflated balls.
Balls.
That is the millionth time that word has been written this week. What do I win?
Anyway, between ball discussions, there has been a lot of talk about who will actually win the Super Bowl.
Let’s be honest…no one knows.
So instead of a breakdown that’s sure to be wrong, I’ll help you pick a side. Here’s who you should be rooting for on Super Sunday:
Point for New England: Russell Wilson
First of all, this is Russell Wilson’s haircut:
And if this commercial it to be believed (and it’s on TV…so it must be true), this is Russell Wilson’s barber:
That will be tough to overcome for Seattle.
Point for New England: the wives
Tom Brady is married to an international supermodel.
Russell Wilson is recently divorced from her:
+2 Patriots.
Point for Seattle: White dudes on New England
Take a look at this play:
The center snapped to Brady, who threw to Julian Edleman, who threw to Danny Amendola for a touchdown.
Four white guys on one play! You can’t trust a team in an athletic competition with that many white guys prominently involved.
Unless it’s soccer.
2-1 New England.
Point for Seattle: The Battle of the Baddest
Marshawn Lynch versus Rob Gronkowski.
I’d pay money to watch them fight to the death. Sadly, the Super Bowl is as close as we’ll get.
Grownkowski is a rhinoceros. Lynch is a crotch-grabbing freight train. This is a tough one, but I’ll give the edge to Lynch because Gronkowski feels pain. He’s broken his arm and hurt his knee, forcing him to miss or be diminished in the playoffs in consecutive seasons.
Marshawn Lynch goes by Beast Mode and…as far as I can tell…is on PCP. Prove that he isn’t!
All tied up at 2-2.
The deciding vote: Coaching
The only fair way to settle this is with gifs. What image perfectly captures each coach:
That settles it…you should root for Seattle this Sunday.
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There you have it. A fair and unbiased breakdown of the Super Bowl. The science says root for Seattle.
Who you got this Sunday?
Hit the comments and let me know!
This had me laughing too hard bro. Are you going to do a wrap of your analysis of Super Bowl 2015?
Thanks!
The problem with writing on Tuesdays is that you end up two days late for analysis of what happened in any football game, lol.
AMAZING game, bad but defensible call to pass at the end imo. With one timeout on second down, if they had run there they pretty much had to pass the next two downs. So by passing they kept their options open on 3rd and 4th.
The play should’ve been a bootleg by Russell or a run/pass option play. Easy to say that NOW of course.
At least Seahawks fans have last year.