Men and affection will always be a topic of conversation.
The relationship between how we show affection and our age group plus societal influences will always have it’s relevance. Recently I read a tweet from a young lady I follow on Twitter. I consider her to be a pretty sharp girl and I value her thoughts. In so many words she exclaimed that she was tired of guys not being more affectionate. It seemed as if she wanted to say that she wanted more men to drop the macho persona. She made it clear that she along with other women desire to have their hand held and to be called beautiful.
After reading this I began to examine myself. Who was I as a seventeen year old or a twenty-one year old? Who am I now at twenty-six? I know that over the years I date differently. How I express myself with women is night and day between then and now. So this whole statement started making me think about why a man in my age group would not be as affectionate as a woman would like them to be. Frankly, there are a few reasons as to why this may happen.
Different women like different things.
Allow me to give you an example. There’s a young lady I went on a date with a couple of years ago and we had a good time. We no longer date now but we still touch base. She recently told me that she was upset that I didn’t bring her flowers on our first date. I had to explain to her that it wasn’t until recently that I began meeting women who actually liked flowers. So back then it just wasn’t something I checked for as much. Maybe I didn’t want to go too overboard on the first date. Sounds silly because it’s a very sweet gesture. To me, I didn’t want to run the risk of getting them and having her not really be into them.
As it pertains to showing affection, it could be similar. Some women don’t want to see too much affection in public. So when a man meets a woman who does appreciate it there has to be an adjustment made. Some guys may not be comfortable making that adjustment quickly. Another issue that can arise is that some men simply don’t know how to be affectionate. I’m not saying that women should tolerate that either. Feel free to dipset if you want to feel a certain way with someone. How we’re raised and what we see growing up shapes a lot of how we interact with each other.
That leads me to another comment that the young lady I follow made. She said that she knew all men weren’t like this but too many seem to jokingly be not funny. In other words they show you they dig you by somewhat acting like an ass. She basically thought that more men should cut the malarkey and be themselves. Be more sensitive to a woman’s needs. she thought men should be more honest about their feelings and it didn’t hurt to share them even if it was still common knowledge. Women still want to feel coveted as a relationship goes on. They want to be reminded that she turns your pages. They want you to hold her hand while you walk to Urban Outfitters etc. I get her sentiment. It’s a sense of pride in public, it might make her feel closer to you and vice versa.
As I’ve gotten older I’m certainly more affectionate than I was as an undergrad.
My good friend Shanel seems to think that men are affectionate in high school years and less affectionate during college years. Magically after college she thought guys finally throw the rulebook out and are more affectionate again. I tend to agree with her. I relate to some parts of that. Lately if I’m really digging someone, the hand holding and all that good stuff comes without asking. At the same token guys may have experienced doing all of those things and still not end up happy in the end. We’re very results driven as men. So a man will operate throughout life in the ways that has brought him success. It’s why many men think nice guys finish last. They find themselves being very nice and not getting the result they want in return. Then they might be nice but they put some stank on it and then they get the result they were looking for. So the lack of affection could be from them not connecting it with “success” in the past.
You don’t have to be overly affectionate fellas.
But if you have a special woman in your life just do things to remind her that you’re into her. Don’t argue that you buy this and that. Sometimes she might just want her favorite flavor of Talenti. Maybe she needs to be tickled after work. Your woman might want you to watch “Bring It!” with her on lifetime. You owe it to yourself to be cognizant of what really makes your lady feel happy. Cater to those things. If it is as simple as holding hands headed to brunch then just hold her hand. This goes out to the guys who need to hear it. Obviously some of us could show a little more affection. Get comfortable with the idea that things may not have gone how you wanted in the past. But at the end of the day the past is still only just that. Leave your comfort zone. Feel the joy of genuinely making someone else feel good for their sake. Ladies, what are your experiences with affection with men? Has it changed with age? Guys, are you comfortable being affectionate with women? Why or why not? Let’s rap about it.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS