Home Dating & Relationships Dating Don’t Sweat Her Over Dessert: Why Women Think Men are Cheap- [Revisited]

Don’t Sweat Her Over Dessert: Why Women Think Men are Cheap- [Revisited]

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black-couple-over

*This is a great time to revisit this post, since last Friday Dr. J is advocated taking women you’ve just met for $200 dates. I think you should put more effort into the planning more so than the spending. Read this old goodie about how I think men should view dates.*

A few nights ago I was watching ‘Pain & Gain’ and Mark Wahlberg’s character Daniel Lugo was trying to convince Anthony Mackie’s character Andrian Doorbal to partake in a robbery scheme. During this exchange he said one line that I will always remember, “When’s the last time you took one of those plump b*tches out to dinner and didn’t sweat them wanting dessert?” Of course it was funny as f*ck, but it was insightful to say the least. Because when you sweat a woman over dessert it implies that you’re either broke or cheap. Many of us have gone through rough patches where we were broke and women understand being broke. But rather you’re broke or not that doesn’t mean you have to be cheap- women hate cheap men.

So check it out, you’re on a date with a woman; you buy her drinks, maybe an appetizer, an entrée, and finally you get to dessert. Now most of the men I know sometimes inherently tally up each and every one of these items over the course of the meal. Drinks $28, Appetizers $22, Entree $64, and Dessert $???.  No matter if we make 40k or 120k- we tally. Here’s the thing though, I don’t know why, but dessert is kinda like an afterthought. Like you can have a delicious meal and skip out on the dessert. For the most part, men try to skip out on dessert because it’s usually the tipping point of the bill. To give you an idea of a guy that’s not trying to buy dessert I’ll paint you a picture:

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Waiter comes and says: How was everything?
Couple: Everything was great it was fantastic!
Waiter: Well, would you guys like dessert?
*Woman looks at man indecisively*
Man: Mmm, I don’t know. Do you? *motions towards stomach* I’m stuffed.
Woman: I don’t know, is it ok?
Man: You’re not full?
Woman: I’m saying I could handle dessert.
Man: These desserts are kinda pricey. I could get *insert here* at Cold Stone for like $4.
Woman: Yeah, but they probably do it better here babe and it’s just more romantic.
Man: *reluctantly says* Well, just get what you want. You know it’s fine. *jokingly says* Ball out!

Why Women Think Men are Cheap?

When you take a woman out on a date, it’s not always the case that she’s counting your money. She’s just valuing and assessing your effort, which sometimes is consequently measured by money. However, you can take a woman to an expensive restaurant and it still be a cheap date, because your thought process was cheap, your effort was cheap, your planning was cheap.

Women say most men are cheap, because a lot of men are lazy and cheap in thought. Women can usually tell how much thought you put into a spot or if you’ve been there a few times. Some guys like to take women to there go-to spot, but it’s lazy and cheap to take multiple women to the same establishment, because all women aren’t the same. All women do not have the same interests. If you want to date and juggle multiple women, something I don’t promote, afford those women unique experiences. Afford all of those women a separate experiences, specifically tailored to their liking.

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What women find most attractive about a man is his ability to execute a plan– whatever that plan may be. To take a woman out on a first date is or should be the pinnacle of planning. You find out her interests, her wants, and her desires then you plan an enriching experience around them. There is a richness or luxury in conversing with a woman, understanding her likes and preferences and actually planning a date solely for her. You do this because you want to show her that you value her time. If she isn’t worth planning for, than obviously she isn’t worth your time, unless you’re not a man of substance or value. So what kind of man are you?

TODAY: Dessert is a metaphor for how you treat/appreciate women and treating women(bearers of life) is a metaphor for how you treat/appreciate life. Stop being cheap fellas. I implore you to stop being cheap in thought and in effort, and in all areas of life.

TheSUNK.com or the Sh!t U Need 2 Know is a blog based on the explicit discussion of sex, relationships, and social commentary. “It’s Where Your Bedroom Voice is Welcomed…” TheSUNK’s author is a native of Chicago and a current Howard University student.

Comment(25)

  1. Usually when I go out to eat with friends or family, I don't get dessert. I typically have ice cream in the fridge at home already lol. But the point is that I always say no to dessert anyway. BUT, if a guy has asked me out and is willing to pay for both of us, I wouldn't go crazy ordering everything on the menu, but I'd expect him to pay for dessert if I wanted it and NOT complain about it. A cheap man is a turn off. Especially if we are trying to get to know each other. If he's going to complain, he can always suggest we go Dutch.

    1. I hear you @K_tenKS. But really this post had everything to do with planning something specific for a woman whose time you value, than it did with the actual spending of money.

      That's why I said, "However, you can take a woman to an expensive restaurant and it still be a cheap date, because your thought process was cheap, your effort was cheap, your planning was cheap."

      But maybe the misstep is in how I wrote it, perhaps my message could have been clearer.
      My recent post #Art Orange is the New Black #OITNB

  2. "You do this because you want to show her that you value her time."

    What I have to respect her time, but she can waste my time and money frivolously?

    If she truly valued my time, we wouldnt be wasting time at a restaurant– if i'm spending time with her, I'm clearly interested in smashing. Yet we end up wasting time chit chatting and eating food and stuff.

    1. "If she truly valued my time, we wouldnt be wasting time at a restaurant– if i'm spending time with her, I'm clearly interested in smashing."

      This post wasn't exactly aimed at the guy that's just trying to smash but the one that's trying to find a life partner. However if that's the case(smashing), surely it would be wiser to invest in an escort or woman of a lower quality.
      My recent post 25 Things Every Black Woman Should Know How to Cook

      1. I think this post is lost on people who may not dabble in relationships. For example, ways to let your man know you care, would be a great post if i had a man who earned it. However, if you are a lady dating, then you probably wont be as open to it. If you find someone who is worth your time and vice versa, don't be afraid to show them, is what I am getting from your post.
        My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

  3. I've always shared the same philosophy in terms of tailoring dates as it pertains to the woman. Good stuff. I think guys should embrace being creative and put energy into giving a woman a memorable experience. And don't go out til you have the funds to "ball out." You quarterback this whole thing. When I move she moves. So take your time, save money so your mind is at ease while you're out with shorty.

  4. Single men and women that are in the dating scene are seeing more than one person. But no one wants to admit that! You want to be more out going and see what's out there so paying for 4-5 dates a month with no other party splitting the bill can get expensive.

    Yes men need to step up and become creative and fiscally responsible by choosing dates that won't break your budget and make you sweat. And also being honest like "Hey I know you love going to Blue Note, but is going for a walk and seeing a free art show ok?" real simple. That will filter out people who may have higher expectations you can't keep up and avoid wasting time with them if they feel you are too cheap, because after we choose the person to be with, the dating experience becomes way better since you don't have to pay for 4-5 dates a month!

    1. Yeah wildflower this post had more to do with being lazy in how you court a woman, more-so than being broke. I was actually attacking men's inability to create an experience with a woman because of their lack of planning and/or effort.

      Until next time though.
      My recent post #Art Orange is the New Black #OITNB

  5. wouldn't it make more sense to plan a date that is something that the guy is more interested in doing?
    to show the woman, i guess a glimpse into this guy's world?
    and if the date part isn't optimal, well, at least the guy had fun doing something he liked?**

    ** – note, i'm not advocating for the extreme, just something that is relevant to the guy's interests and/or passions**

    1. The reason I disagree with this is because women don't like selfish men. Making a date that caters towards yourself is a selfish trait. But if she proposes that idea of getting a glimpse into your world, cool.

      Most of the time after you woo a woman, during the relationship she's always trying to be down with your interests anyways. Women usually like to be included of the things you do. Wait til later to start bringing her into to fold(your interests).
      My recent post 25 Things Every Black Woman Should Know How to Cook

      1. i dunno..i don't see it as selfish, i see it as a way for the true guy to come out…if you setting up a date to impress some chick (whether you invest money or keep it cheap), you're doing something to impress another, and your 'representative' will show up…

        i'm just more for opportunities to be your true self, and i think pulling someone into a guys world, early, give them a chance to meet the guy, and not his ambassador.

        but it's cool..we ain't gotta agree on this

        1. I think it's a lost art. I think some have gotten so used to assuming and dealing with not so excellence people, that they forget to think, well what if i do met an awesome person. It comes to focusing on the negatives and not looking at the positives.
          My recent post She takes my money when I’m in need..

  6. Yeah, creativity is key in planning a date with a potential life partner. After the initial meet and greet and you think she has potential, you have to put a full court press to let it be known that you are "that dude" and a winner. In my experiences, when you execute very well planned out dates with a potential partner, everything else falls into place. Over time, you will have her head over hills for you.

  7. This guy I met at the gym kept suggesting we grab a slice of pizza down the block. I knew he liked me and I liked him but I wasn't looking for a relationship, so I kept telling him no, I don't want to go out on a date with you. He kept saying how is a slice of pizza a date? This continued for about 2 weeks, with him asking me out after my workout. We were constantly flirting and laughing during our workouts. Finally, one day I caved in and we went to grab some pizza. I was new to that city at the time, but a slice of pizza in any city is a slice right?

    Turned out to be this swanky, posh pizza bar/restaurant with waited staff that brings your pizza fresh out of the brick oven pizza over to your table. The place had an amazing wine list a well and a really nice decor. I was blown away!! Here I was expecting the usual dive of a pizzeria on the corner and instead he took me to an amazing type of restaurant that I never even knew existed.

    He did his homework and had the perfect "innocent grab a slice of pizza line". At that point, all I could think was wow, this guy is something else to even think of this and disguise it as well as he did!! To me that said he was NOT lazy and cheap in thought, like hey let's just go to Red Lobster.

    We ordered us a nice bottle of wine to go with the pizza, the conversation was amazing, he had me in hysterics the entire date, helped me into and out of my coat, walked me to my train and then we had the most passionate kiss on the train platform at the end of the date. It was the most memorable date I ever had. I was head over heels for him at that point. Eff not being ready for a relationship!! I was all into this guy.

  8. I like a guy to put effort into spending time with me, as I put effort into spending time with him. But spending time doesn't equal spending money. I looked at the hypothetical bill in the article and had a Chris Rock moment ("WTF was she eatin'?!"). I guess I tally too, because I value my guy's money as much as my own. In my opinion, it's smart to spend EVERYONE'S money wisely, whether you're own, or someone else's, so that everyone always HAS money. Spend money like it's water just 'cause your guy makes $120K and you might hit the ceiling of $120K a lot faster than you thought you could.

    Side note: Y'all need to invest in Seamless. Restaurant food without the restaurant, plus they have all sorts of coupons. My dude, if he's going through a rough patch (or if I am, since there are TWO of us in a relationship, so not only one person is spending the money), understands how to keep it classy while also keeping it cheap.

  9. <div id="idc-comment-msg-div-696538869" class="idc-message"><a class="idc-close" title="Click to Close Message" href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(696538869)"><span>Close Message</span> Comment posted. <p class="idc-nomargin"><a class="idc-share-facebook" target="_new" href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http%3A%2F%2 Fwww.singleblackmale.org%2F2013%2F08%2F06%2Fdont-sweat-her-over-dessert-why-women-think-men-are-cheap%2F#IDComment696538869&t=I%20just%20commented%20on%20Don't%20Sweat%20Her%20Over%20Dessert%3A%20Why%20Women%20Think%20Men%20are%20Cheap%20-%20SBM" style="text-decoration: none;"><span class="idc-share-inner"><span>Share on Facebook</span></span> or <a href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(696538869)">Close Messagenot defending the cheap dudes out there, because there are some cheap dudes when it comes to having fun and showing a potential prospect a good time, but let me decipher cheap…cheap is having it but not wanting to spend, but if you don't have enough or have it period, then it is what it is, you can't cal that cheap. If a man takes a woman on a date and has enough to pay but not able to supply the full tip should he be considered cheap?
    My recent post <a href="http://opinionatedmale.com/2013/07/30/love-is-blind-and-cupid-makes-you-stupid/&quot; target="_blank">Love Is Blind And Cupid Makes You Stupid

    1. yes, because you couldve took her to a quality place that cost less so you could properly tip. but that has nothing to do with dating, in m opinion, thats just common courtesy toward your server.

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