Home Culture She Got Body: Back Then They Didn’t Want Me…

She Got Body: Back Then They Didn’t Want Me…


“She Got Body” is a three part series I’m beginning today.

In this series I’ll give one black man’s opinion on different topics concerning body image in today’s society. Throughout the series I’ll do my damnedest to be sensitive to most feelings. I can’t please everyone, but I think there are some conversations worth having. Let’s start it up!

There’s something to be said about makeovers, or body improvements, or getting fit. It’s something to commend. Whenever you can put your mind to something and accomplish it, the effort should be accompanied with positive energy. Something that really gets me thinking are the ugly ducklings to swan stories. Ugly duckling is a term I use very loosely. It doesn’t mean a woman is necessarily ugly, but she just wasn’t paid as much attention to as others. These are the women who women  seek to improve themselves or time is on their side and they grow into their looks/bodies. I was one of those boys that at one time that didn’t like a girl, and then one day became “enamored” with the same one. You’ve seen this type of situation play out in the great daytime television shows of old. Ricky Lake and Jenny Jones were especially famous for this. Sip your Machiato and get ready for story time with Pops.

It was 1999 and I was in the fifth grade.

A young girl in my class whose name was Vicki was pretty cute.  So what reason exactly is there to crack on her? Well to a Pippen wearing fifth grader there were a few. Vicki’s last name was also shared by that of an aquatic animal. That animal made a distinct noise. That noise is one that I and the guys would usually imitate throughout a given day. It was just something we did for kicks but undoubtedly would be considered bullying by today’s standards. Vicki was also a young lady who just began developing a little earlier than the other girls. So Vicki would raise her hands in class sometimes and I and the guys would point to her underarm and laugh. Again, SILLY as hell but to some eleven year olds it was hilarity. Eventually Vicki leaves the school after that year. At that point I had known Vicki for four years. Vicki returns the next year to visit. This time around when Vicki came in…she came in!

See Also:  Size Matters: 5 Reasons Why Being Well Endowed Is Way Overrated

I mean Vicki had curves in places some people didn’t have places.

I said Jesus man what in the shit did I do to this girl all these years. Now I was shy to even speak to her. I told my homegirl Marissa to tell her I liked her. She emphatically told me to tell her myself. Ultimately she said the right thing. The only issue was that it took me TWO years to have the gusto to approach her.  I stepped to Vicki and told her the jokes at stuff were childish. I told her I liked her and wanted to talk and asked for her forgiveness. That’s pretty damn profound for a WWE action figure loving thirteen year old. After that year I lost the toys but I gained her.

In high school we had some legit Dawson’s Creek moments. To this day it taught me a lesson to take it easy on others. Luckily I was on the “winning” side of this makeover situation. She forgave me and my nonsense. We were able to be two teenagers  figuring ourselves out and share some intimate moments in the process.

It doesn’t work out this well for everyone.

Many women who look better than they did when they were younger would post ugly duckling pics on Instagram. These usually happen on Flashback Fridays or Throwback Thursdays.  The captions are that of triumph usually. They wreak of “look at me now.” Rightfully so to a degree. There’s no excuse for anyone to be that mean to cause someone to affirm said things. Unfortunately it just happens with ignorance and immaturity.

See Also:  I'm Seeing Other People

All this being said, what happens to the guys who like you now?

Do they get excluded from this? I guess they do by default. Unfortunately we can’t turn back time to see how they would react to you back in the day. If you’re more appealing to men now than when you were younger the chances are a lot of those same guys might not have dug you back then. It’s great to see someone grow into themselves. But no attention is ever given to the new attention you’re getting and why you’re getting it. I’m not trying to scold a soul. I always just had this idea that maybe the motivation to “look better” wasn’t driven by only oneself. In the event someone improved their features by surgery or being healthier, those decisions should have been for you.

If you’re only doing these things to say “back then you didn’t want me, now I’m hot you all on me” you’re somehow supposing that the new attention you’re getting you would have always been getting. That just might not be accurate. If you look better than you did when you were younger just be cool about it. When those people who hated see you making your moves, those moves will say everything that they need to. You want to improve yourself, always make sure it’s to be appealing to you first. The best revenge is success right? Any of you all didn’t get the looks as a kid but got them all now? What were your experiences like? Anyone every apologized for being mean? How was that? Lastly, do I have a point? Talk to me y’all.

See Also:  My Boyfriend Hates My Best Friend ... Why?

P.S. – Wherever you are, sorry again Vicki!

These are my words and I make no apologies…well except the one above.

DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Brooklyn born dude trying to figure out this life just like you. Come on this journey with me. Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS


  1. i just got cute like 3 years ago lol. But yeah back in the day, i was probably destined to end up on one of those jenny jones look at me now shows because i had all the jokes for everybody

  2. This kind of situations happens in every school and college. Even though many people make their way and forget about that jokes. The teachers Trust my Paper in spite of my reputation.

  3. I was definitely an ugly duckling/swan situation. It was books, not looks in my house. One day in college, I decided I was pretty too and the world seemed to start to agree with me. Confidence is amazing. I will say I’m still fairly shy and reserved, but now it comes off as cool. It would be interesting to see what my classmates think of me now, but I wouldn’t hold my breath for an apology.

  4. One day near the end of my senior year in high school, my mom was on this exaggerated niceness trip: Gave me my father’s big piece of chicken and damn near half of a sock-it-to-me cake, so I knew something was up….lol. Finally after refilling my glass of Lemonade twice, she showed her hand. “Baby, have you decided on who you’re taking to the prom yet? ” I’m like, “Mom……Noooooo, please Nooooo! ” She was like, “boy shut and listen, Momma need a favor. ”

    Long story short, she had a girlfriend who had this daughter who was 6’1″ and she would REALLY APPRECIATE IT, if I asked her to the prom (I’m 6’9″ 1/2). Mom’s pouted and even threw in a “you don’t love me” knowing that I would cave in.The sister was in her awkward stage of growth, but not bad looking. She was intellectually precocious and was an excellent dialogist for her age, so we ended up having a wonderful time. We talked a couple times afterwards but I was off to USC to play ball and didn’t want to be locked down, so we lost touch.

    About 10 years later, I’m at the gate waiting on a flight when this Amazonian fiddy-cent piece in 3- inch heals topping off at about 6’4″ comes walking up, beautiful and as fine as all out doors. I’m salivating, trying not to stare when she makes eye contact with me, gets up and walks over to me and says, “so you’re going to pretend you don’t know me?” I’m thinking “no way in hell that I could forget someone so tall and fine,” not even thinking that far back in the past. I’m stunned when she tells me who she is, almost collapsing from relief that I was a gentleman all those years ago, but alas, fate laughed at my thirsty asz because she had just gotten engaged two weeks earlier. Definitely one that got away! (In my Marlon Brando voice) ” I could have been a contender! ” lol

    1. That’s a great story yo!! Def a good thing you did the deed and was nice to her, you really never know lol

  5. I do have the same example of ‘Vicky’ )))
    And since 10 years after graduation it’s really interesting to see people grow into themselves

  6. up to the age of 18 in high school i was chunky, nerdy and wore baggy clothes. After my 1st year in college, puberty hit me, started getting hips, curves, my butt grew and lost weight in the right places without trying. Started wearing form fitting clothes and went natural. That summer home was crazy, guys from high school knew my name now & i received invites to parties. But I paid none of them no attention, never went to the invites. 6 years later I still run into guys from high school asking for my number.

  7. When Vicki came in…she came in!!! LMBOOOO! My experience with this kind of situation has a different variation. I was never an ugly duckling or ever teased. I actually talked my friends out of teasing others…or at least tried to. As for me, I pretty much look exactly the same…lol except now I have locs. But what I’ve noticed was the opposite. A lot of the people that were super sexy, popular and desired are now mere bumbs. They look crazy as hell. Some of them are super UN-accomplished and are NOW trying to make a life for themselves. I’m not bashing anyone’s life choices, but some of the Swan’s of my days thought that they would be swans forever and that the glory of that attention would take them to higher heights. They were so busy swimming the waters that they completely missed the waterfall ahead…and boy did some of them fall!!!!


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This