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Is God Responsible For Sexual Chemistry?

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I think one of the greatest beauties in life is the fact that there is so much to debate.

There is so much to discuss and so much room to gain more understanding. Once in a while I am lucky to be inspired to write about something that I think would make a great debate or discussion. Today I wanted to reference a piece that was written on SBM recently entitled “Confession of a Church Girl.” The post chronicled a woman putting her best foot forward in living a Christian lifestyle.

A huge part of that lifestyle for those who fully subscribe includes abstaining from sex until marriage. The post touched on this young lady’s struggle succumbing to temptation at times. She repented and started off with a clean slate.

Of course what the writer did was simply set the table.

It was in the comments section of this piece where the people began to eat. There were a number of great points made in the comments section. The gist was really about the pros and cons of abstaining from sex until marriage. A huge point of discussion was the possibility of marrying someone who did not please you in bed. Marrying a person with whom you may have bad sexual chemistry with was a huge concern.

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The writer simply stated that she hoped God would send her the right guy and she believes that God will. A couple weeks ago I wrote a piece that touched on the importance of good sexual chemistry. I wondered if we hold our new lovers to too high of expectations based on our experiences with our exes. You can read that here. Today I wonder if we are to simply hope God sends us the person that rings our bells in the bedroom.

I think it’s too easy to tell someone that the idea is silly.

I also think it’s a tad condescending to say that to a person because it’s based on their beliefs. I wouldn’t dare deliberately disrespect someone’s beliefs. However, I do not think humans are naturally conditioned to want to wait for said things to happen. I appreciate some of the elements that religion brings to the world. Working to bring good things to those around you, staying humble, and understanding that you still have to help yourself in order to reap rewards. Those are all great qualities. They also have something in common. The qualities I mentioned are all tangible.

That may be the biggest difficulty for people who are trying to live Christian lives. They can’t see what will happen next. It’s all faith based. So people fall off the wagon of that stringent lifestyle due to their human tendencies and curiosities. They want to see how they will connect with someone else sexually. The fact that believing God for the perfect lover is not as tangible than experimenting with people will always cause people to fall short.

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I’m not super religious although I believe in God. So I never made it a point to abstain. Abstaining was never taught to me in my household. I came from the school of put a Jimmy on at all costs! That method has done well for me I must say. So with that being how I go about things in terms of relationships, I don’t believe its God’s responsibility for there to be sexual chemistry in relationships.

Of course this clashes with what the Bible may say.

But many things clash with the Bible at times. People nowadays are more aware of their bodies and needs. People have way more information available to them. People have more of an idea of what they want than they did 4,000 years ago. So with that there has to be some tweaks. Of course that is only my opinion. But the risk of waiting till marriage to have sex and then be grossly disappointed can be very real. If it isn’t something that matters to you then you’re in great shape. If sexual chemistry becomes something that is paramount to you then you may have gone in too deep at that point. I respect all beliefs. This was only my two cents. Do you think its God’s responsibility to pair you with someone you are sexually compatible with? Is the search for “the one” more about trial and error? What say you, the good people of SBM? Let’s talk about it.

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These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe oniTunesto the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!

Comment(37)

  1. Part of the problem with organized religion, is that zealots declare those who do not subscribe to their belief the enemy. Therefore its hard to have productive conversation where religious beliefs are centered. My old chemistry teacher used to say “Science is the tool to explain how God works”, so from an abstract perspective, yes God is indirectly responsible. However biology is more of the hands-on perpetrator of sexual chemistry. We live in a more sexually liberated and progressive society, and it is in direct opposition to traditional sexual values. Some may debate whether this is good or bad. The reality is that the traditional values clan is becoming more of a minority as the years progress, and with that it becomes more arduous to connect with like minded individuals.

    1. I shared my thoughts from a biblical, Christian perspective in response to one of the commenters.
      Today I’ll share my thoughts from a common sense perspective. The reality is, at the end of the day, there are no guarantees. The other reality is, very very rarely do things in relationships, much less marriages stay exactly the same forever, and/or for the length of the relationship, or marriage.
      My point is this, even if you were to luck up and find and marry someone you have great sexually chemistry with, more than likely this will not last forever. You may not have this same sexual chemistry after kids, after 40 when the woman experiences menopause, if she develops some type of cancer, be it breast, uterine or any other cancer, or if the man experiences prostate cancer or any other type of cancer. It’s definitely very highly unlikely that you’ll be having wild, hot but naked sex after the age of 60, if your having any sex at all.
      Most all women I’ve ever known over the age of 55, and close to 60 years old, have no real sexual desire whatsoever. Even married women.
      I believe the biggest conflict with regards to men and women in relationships is the fact that we’re different sexually. We’re built differently, and our mentality is different. Generally speaking, most women simply do not have the high level of sex drives that men have, and definitely not for as long.
      For instance, where many men still have a pretty strong desire for sex well into their 60’s and after, women simply do not. Which is why it makes sense that older men naturally seek out younger women who are more willing to have sex, when their partners who are their age have no interest whatsoever.
      Now I’m not saying that this applies to everyone, but the people that it doesn’t are the exceptions, not the rules. I have yet to meet a woman 60 and older whose sex drive still matches a mans.
      Granted nowadays more women are having more interest in sex for a little longer than they did back in the 60’s and 70’s. More women are interested in sex well into their 40’s and even over 50. But as a woman’s body changes and she and her body age the desire is lost because the body is no longer conducive to pleasurable sex. One of the main reasons is the vaginal dryness that women experience during and after menopause.
      Another thing men need to be mindful of is because we are anatomically built differently, sex is naturally more pleasurable for men than women. For instance, if you poke a melon wooden stick or a cucumber watch what happens. Over time vaginal walls break down from so much friction from intercourse and sex simply is not pleasurable for women. This happens to younger women as well. From what I’ve heard the biggest issue with most all couples besides money is sex, and typically it’s the man who is not getting as much as he wants, or the way he wants. I have a 30 year old cowrker who recently got married to his 28 year old fiancé. She has endometriosis. A disease that affects the uterus and can make sex extremely painful. She’s originally from Cali, he’s from Cleveland. They both now live in MD. His only issue with her is lack of sex because sex is very painful for her. He told me this wasn’t an issue when they had a long distance relationship. Sex was great and they went at it hot and heavy. In the beginning of the relationship it was great. Over time the endometriosis symptoms have gotten worse and sex had become much less frequent. Like them going over a month and no sex.
      I say all of this to say to the men, please be aware of things and changes women go through with their bodies, and how this can affect hormone levels, and sex drives. And keep in mind the reality that sex you start out having with the woman you fall in love with enough to marry, will probably not last forever. If your relationship lasts that long, your sex life will definitely have an expiration date.

      1. I find that ironic because I read all the time and also hear from older women that once they hit 30 they actually have a higher sex drive than the guys that they see. But these points are great and warranted. How many of us take the future and some catastrophes into account as we search for the right? I have no clue. Thanks for reading!

        1. Pops, sometimes yes in her 40’s a woman will hit a sexually peak and have more of a sex drive than a 50 or 60 year old man or even a man in his 40’s. But again every woman is different. Many women are also going through body changes and sometimes menopause in their 40’s. So even though the desire may be strong, sex may not be physically comfortable, and/or pleasurable. Also if a woman has older children she may not want anymore so she is concerned about an unplanned and unwanted preganancy.
          One fact I learned is that STD’s amongst senior citizens has been on the rise for quite some time now because they don’t use protection. Reason why is women know they can’t conceive, (or less likely to conceive naturally) when they’re a certain age, and they no longer have viable eggs, and especially if they’ve experienced menopause.

      2. “I believe the biggest conflict with regards to men and women in relationships is the fact that we’re different sexually. We’re built differently, and our mentality is different. Generally speaking, most women simply do not have the high level of sex drives that men have, and definitely not for as long.”

        “..sex is naturally more pleasurable for men than women.” Says who’s science and who’s vagina? O_o

        I believe that religious women may enjoy sex a lot less than non-religious women or feminists because they think that sexual enjoyment and real pleasure in that area some how makes them seem dirty or unwholesome. Because your comments above are certainly not how I feel or any of the women in their twenties and thirties that I know.

        Men please do not believe some hackneyed generalization that women don’t enjoy sex as much as you do because of our “anatomy” or made up “facts.” Or that after menopause it’s irrelevant. That is BS is the fullest degree. If your partner isn’t feeling your action, you may need to just communicate more w/her, or find someone who can hold it down mutually. That is all.

        1. Beauty I respect your opinions. And what I stated doesn’t personally apply to me. However, I know more young and old women who have been, or are in situations where the man wants and desires sex much more than the woman. In fact it’s very rare that you here a woman complaining about not enough sex in a marriage, and/or committed relationship. I also know young and old women who have various “female issues” where sex is uncomfortable, and/or painful. These are issues that men don’t have. Such as dryness, or any other type of vaginal infection or medical problem that women suffer from. I’ve never heard that medically a man can have an allergic reaction to a womans vaginal fluids, whereas women can have an allergic reaction to sperm. And during and post pregnancy is a whole nother thing. I girl I went to hs with that was pregnant suffered from serious post pardem depression. The reality is that as women and because of how are bodies are designed, we naturally have more things to deal with hormonally, and otherwise than men do.
          Beauty you are right in that what the man is doing and how the woman feels about the man makes a a big difference.
          It is a huge and untrue generalization that non religious women enjoy sex more than religious women. Religious women enjoy sex as much as women who are atheist. More religious women just want to follow the bible and want sex only within a marriage. Catholics are notorious for having a lot of children because they don’t believe in practicing birth control, and they take literally the biblical teaching of “being fruitful and multiplying.”
          It’s irrelevant whether a woman is religious or not.
          A woman may have been raised by a very strict and rigid mother and grandmother with trust issues when it comes to men. Or a woman was raised in a household where sex was not discussed and it was passed on to her by women in her family that sex was unclean or that certain things sexually are unclean and dirty. We are also products of our environments.
          Beauty what I stated I’ve heard from Ob/gyn’s and I’ve researched it for myself. Ask your dr. or a sex therapist, and they will confirm what I’ve said.
          Keep in mind that Ob/gyn’s are specifically for us ladies, not men. If we didn’t have more sexual issues and dysfunctions than men we wouldn’t need our own specialty Dr. that strictly catered to us and what we go through as women.
          And again, I’m not saying this applies to every woman; what I am saying is that it more than likely applies to more women than not. The writing is on the wall.

        2. Religion can and does have an influence on sexuality because most religious women can’t even talk about the topic of sex and sexuality from an objective point of humanity or without bringing god into the conversation. My family is full of closed-minded religious black women, and our communities as a whole. And religion causes women to feel shame about their bodies, and see their natural desires and lady parts as inherently gross.

          As a woman I’m highly aware of the “stuff” that may contribute to us desiring less sex. But the way you articulated was that you made a generalization that women overall enjoy sex less. And I feel that since you are speaking on behalf of a few women that you know (who I assume are also religious like yourself, as rarely do religious women expand their circle to other women not of their same belief systems) that you should stick to your experiences and not make such a faulty claim.

          All things being equal, and not having any major health problems, I think women and men both enjoy sex the same. But again who can say. We can’t “feel” intercourse in the way that our opposite gender does.

        3. beauty I never said “all women” I said many. And I’ve worked with and built close friendships with many non religious women. My cousin in fact is not a church going holy roller type of woman, never was. She believes in God, but not organized religion. As she’s gotting close to 50, (she just turned 49 last month) she’s told me how her sex drive has went way down. Yes I agree that religion does play a part in people’s views on sex. But I don’t think it has anything to do with women’s sex drive. If anything, it affects the specific things a woman will do sexually. From what I personally know of, many women who are religious don’t do oral sex, and/or very hesitant to do it.
          The root of what can influence a woman’s sexuality imo, is her upbringing, and maternal inlfuence more than anything else. Most moms and dads goal is to keep their daughter a chaste virgin for as long as they possibly can. My college roommates parents were far from religious. They never married, yet they wanted her to remain a chaste little virgin til she was married, especially her daddy.
          These sexual hangups aren’t always religion based, many of them are in fact from societal teachings that have been passed down for many generations. Some people are still in the mindset of women being modest and chaste. Times may have changed, but it doesn’t mean people’s minds have changed.
          And if women and men enjoyed sex the same, sex would not be one of the number one issues in marriages and relationships. If you were to survey a group of therapists and marriage counselors they would tell you that one of the biggest problems many men have in their marriage is not enough sex. In fact, this can be the number one deterrent for men when it comes to marriage, not enough sex. My information also comes from hearing so many men, black, white, indian and “other” complain about the lack of sex in their long term relationships and marriages. Not to say that women don’t occasionally complain about that as well, but it pales to the number of men who complain about not enough sex, or not the kind of kinky and freaky sex they want.

        4. Well many women marry for things other than sex such as money and status. So that could be the reasons for divorce. Not the sex itself. But from a woman who has her own, sex would be higher up (is higher up) on my list. I do want a man who can hold his own money-wise. But sex is VERY important.

          Do you know any atheist specifically or just non-church goers. Because there is a difference, but that’s another convo.

        5. I worked with a goth girl who was an atheist and I met a guy out at a bar who was an atheist a very long time ago. The only difference between atheist and non religious people is that non religious people don’t believe in organized religion, ( I know many of those types). Atheist don’t believe in the existence of God, any deity or higher power.
          Ironically, many of the holy rolling church going women I know are much more anxious to marry to freely have sex and no longer have to worry about staying chaste. Yes one of the top reasons for divorce is money, and the other is sex. Usually it’s the man complaining that he is not getting enough sex, not getting sex often enough, and/or not getting the kind of sex that he desires. I personally know these men, and have read studies that state this as fact. I also know a few therapist and marriage counselors who state this as something that leads to divorce. Of course there are many underlying things as well. However, money and sex are the things people are typically most vocal about initially. Getting to the underlying things takes time and further investigation.

        6. Secularism is not just the summation of what you wrote above. There’s much to it and different varying levels of beliefs. Atheism is not the only realm.

          So you have had contact with (2) non-believers in your lifetime. Okay so you don’t have much experience in that realm, but of course because most religious people don’t mingle with those who are different then they are. That’s fine.

          I don’t agree with how you write paragraphs attempting to argue that you know it all because of a group of folks (mostly religious) that you know. And you cannot assume that you know why people are divorcing but in the same breath assert that it is because of sex. Contradictory at the least. In my opinion many women who are not feminist are probably (in my opinion, idea, not proven of course) settling in relationships because of money status, and “security.” Which is why you may not have the best sex life. Or even women who stay in abusive relationships for these reasons. It’s about priorities. Many women don’t have their own or make as much as men so they would most likely leave a relationship that is not providing them security instead of focusing on bad sex, because the women many have not had their own to begin with.

        7. Beauty, I definitely don’t claim to know it all. And the 2 that I mentioned are what I recall. Being from Philly, I’ve met and worked with a variety of nationalities, and ethnic cultures, so I’m sure I’ve probably known many people who don’t believe in God. I have family that don’t believe in organized religion, never go to church, and never really pray like “religious” people do. I went to catholic school all my school years so I learned a great deal about Catholicism. I’ve also met people who are “other” religions, like Buddhist, or unilitarian, and even a few scientologist. Plus I’ve dated online, and been on many blogs for many years. Through social media I’ve chatted with many people who are non Christian and non believers. At any rate, if my comments appear dyslexic, or confusing it’s because I’m usually at work and multi-tasking….lol. I never mentioned the word “secular,” I said “non-religious.” I was responding to your question asking did I know any atheist, and non religious people and I do.
          When I speak of why people divorce my info is based on people I personally know, and studies that I’ve read, and articles that reflect my statements.
          I agree with you that people tend to “settle” because of finances. I think women also tend to “settle” for fear of being alone, as well as fear of being an “old maid” and buying into the ideas that society perpetuates on single older women. I don’t believe that satisfying and great sex are relative to the reasons why a person is in a relationship, or settling. A woman can be with the brokest man; or the most unattractive, and she has the best sex of her life with him. Ironically I’ve read several articles that state that men who are blue collar workers, aren’t wealthy, and aren’t the most attractive are supposedly better lovers many times. Because they have to compensate for what they’re lacking.
          Whereas, wealthy and more attractive men don’t put in the time, and effort at being better in bed that “other” men do.
          Religion does play a part in people’s ideas about sex. However, before a person forms their religious or non religious beliefs permanently, they namely have the influence of whomever is raising them as an influence, (unless the people raising them are devoutly religious like the Duggars for ex). But whether your parents are religious or not, 9 times out of 10 if your not raised in a household where affection is shown often, and portrayed to be a good thing, you will most likely not be an affectionate person, much less sexual. Also if you learned very little about sex as a youngster, and don’t know much, or have much experience, that will also affect how great of a lover you are, or aren’t. As I stated in a previous comment physical (and other) attraction also plays a large part in how good or bad the sex is.
          Even though very very few people admit it, there are people who did not get with, or marry the person they’re with because they’re physically attracted to them. As you said in your previous comments, women tend to marry more for financial security than anything else.
          When you really figure out the what is most important to a person in relationships, and why, it clarifies and simplifies the reasons why the sex may not be so good.

        8. I honestly do not fully understand the way that you go about constructing your arguments. You write endless paragraphs but never really give a concrete idea of your own, just what your other friends have seen, heard, or experienced or things you have read:

          “Whereas, wealthy and more attractive men don’t put in the time, and effort at being better in bed that “other” men do.”

          What does that even mean? Why do you generalize everything? That is one of the most counter-productive ways to share or attempt to get someone to understand where you are coming from. Have you been with any of these successful men personally or are you just assuming from other people’s experiences? This is not my experiences with professional, educated, and successful men.

        9. Actually Beauty, I do give my own opinions based on my personal experiences. Sometimes those experiences are lived “vicariously” through other people. In a way, when someone close to me goes through something serious I go through it with them also. They share with me all the pain, heartache, and intimate details of what they’re feeling and going through. I also try to give any factual concrete information that I’ve read to back up my statements so they don’t come off as unjustified opinions.
          This statement – “Whereas, wealthy and more attractive men don’t put in the time, and effort at being better in bed that “other” men do.” was taken from a few articles I’ve read that have said something to this effect. Right now I’m seeing many articles that state that studies show that taller and more attractive men are more likely to get jobs, as opposed to shorter and more avg looking or unattractive men. Of course this is based on societal standards. Imo, attractiveness is relative. Other things play into these studies as well. I have a degree in psychology, so I have done experiments and studies in college, much like the ones I read about in magazines and online and in books. Usually there is some truth to these studies and their claims. However, obviously they don’t apply to literally everyone on Gods green earthy because the participants are limited, and almost always in a controlled setting. If I generalize many things it’s because rarely are things ever black and white, the reality is there are exceptions to Everything.
          So none of us can realistically make any statement and claim it to factually applicable to Everyone. We don’t know Everyone, and there are are almost always exceptions. As many commonalities as humans have, we also have many differences as well. And those differences should be acknowledged and respected.

        10. Why do you answer in the most drawn out paragraphs every time. You do not have to attempt to “break down” every plausible cause for a blog you know. I don’t believe you have a psychology “degree”, but if you say so. And most practicing psychologist have at least a P.h.d.-just saying.

          You circumvent away from answering a question and use others experiences for your reasoning. I’m kind of done here. Be well.

        11. Beauty, here is a prime example of an article that supports my opinions.

          The State of Marriage: How Men and Women Differ:
          This article on yahoo discusses why more men tend to remarry at a faster rate than women do.
          Of course there are several reasons why, but the one reason they mention, that I’ve stated is where they say, “men generally want more sex than women do.” And they go on to say, “a way to get regular sex is to get married.”
          Link to article – https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/the-state-of-marriage-how-men-and-women-differ-120723029142.html

          One statement in this article that I’ve made here: “There’s one more factor to consider: sex. “People don’t like it when I say this, but men generally want more sex than women do,” says Walsh. “And if you’re not an alpha male, one way for a guy to get regular sex is to get married.” Just putting this out there as something that supports my opinions on this.

        12. There are a lot of opinion piece articles on things. I don’t need multiple links about YOUR opinion on something. That is (1) article that is again making a generalization.

          We don’t know who the people were who were even apart of these studies. And I am personally not a fan of many online “journalists” as there is often a sensationalist, general lazy style of writing that appeals to those that believe everything they read and hear, and don’t take the responsibility of investigating what these writers attempt to assert to them.

        13. And I never said sex is the only reason why people divorce. I said in previous comments, there are many reasons why people divorce. However, when you ask someone what their issues are, they will tell you about the “surface issues” first usually. If you did deeper and ask more poignant questions, there are usually underlying issues as well that lead up to the surface issues. Also, everyone goes through ups and downs, and “dry spells.” Sex may not be good, or very infrequent for a short time because of a woman’s hormonal and medical issues, or a man is emotionally going through something, or something happens that shifts the focus away from sex for awhile, or simply busy schedules and one or both people doing a lot of business travel.
          I also said based on what I’ve read and heard from divorced people, sex and money are the Top reasons why people tend to divorce, Not the only.
          In therapy that is what they are initially the most vocal about.
          As far as women staying in abusive relationships, never been one, but have been close with several. They typically stay in abusive relationships out of fear.
          Just the other day in MD where I live, a guy stalked, shot and killed his gf inside of Target. Sadly many times, women in abusive relationships have good reason to be afraid.

        14. I understand your reasons, as you have literally wrote a textbook at this point Bree. I just don’t agree with what you are saying or think that your generalizations are the end reasoning behind this. You also have not been in an abusive relationship, but have had “contact” with women who have, and contact does not equate to firsthand experience. So you really can’t speak on that in entirety either. I have been in one. But I left fairly early, as for women who stay the reasons are many and may encompasses many fear based reasons including physical and financial, and overall shame. But that is another topic.

        15. Beauty, my apologies for being so long-winded. I’m not on here very often, so when I am, it’s because I have something to say. lol. You can always skim my comments and “cliff-note” them. lol
          My opinions are just that, opinions. I don’t expect everyone to agree or understand. I state my opinions, and back them up with what I know to be factual information, or what I know from personal experience. No I have never been in an abusive relationship. But the people I know who have, are very close and personal friends. I’ve actually helped friends pack and move. I’ve also witnessed the abuse and had to console a friend right after. I’ve assisted them with calling the police, doing the report, and getting protection. Stayed with friends who have been abused.
          My mom had a close friend and coworker who was in an abusive marriage. My mom was the only person her husband allowed her to speak with on a daily basis. That woman shared everything with my mother. At any rate, I understand where your coming though and I am sorry for your abuse. I’ve never been abused, so I can’t directly relate. I have seen the fear, hurt, and pain in people close to me who have been abused. I’ve had many people break down to me the reasons why they don’t leave. And I’ve come to understand completely why. I don’t agree, and probably wouldn’t do things as they did, but I have an understanding as to why they do things the way they do based on who they are, their circumstances, and lack of a good strong support system.

        16. I don’t care what anyone says, knowing isn’t experiencing first hand. We can’t all know everything about every topic. Just be glad D.V. is something that you have not personally experienced on any level.

      3. My elderly female friends have different perspectives than the women you know. Not having sex, or a prospect to have sex with is different than not wanting it. The folks in nursing homes and retirement centers can attest to the fact that sex is desired when the prospects are there.

        I know young women with vaginal dryness…they can simply use lube. Menopause alone does not cause dryness and genetics play a big role in that sort of thing. In addition “use”, aids ability to “use”. An arthritic person should use their arthritic limbs in order to keep them “usable”. Sex is very much similar.

        I personally abstained for many years, but I still had desires. I just had to personally put myself in a different frame of mind when those desires surfaced. Elders aren’t much different.

        1. Gray not saying that the desire is not there at all, however, many studies have shown that men think about and desire sex more often than women. Where many men can fairly easily have sex everyday, I don’t know of an everyday woman that would want that. Plus when you add children and work to a woman’s life, her mind is definitely not on sex as much. Most every woman I’ve known with children has said that they had a very difficult time transitioning from “mommy” to “lover” or “sex kitten” for her man, or husband.
          There are a variety of reasons why women’s sex drives and desire for sex are typically less than a mans.
          Do a little research and ask medical professionals.
          And yes you can use lube for vaginal dryness, but unfortunately you have to inconveniently reapply to stay lubed and for penetration to be comfortable and pleasurable. Unlike when you can create your own vaginal fluids naturally from arousal.
          I’m no sexpert, lol. I do not know everything there is to know about human sexuality and sex. However, I’ve read books, medical articles, journals, watched documentaries, and asked several medical professionals questions because I’ve always been interested in sex and human sexuality from a medical perspective. So I know what I know because I have a genuine interest in it.

        2. I love to read as well, and I know what you’re talking about. I’ve read plenty and I’ve personally spoken with my own Dr’s, while abstaining. I just don’t feel many of those studies ask the appropriate questions out of fear of being disrespectful. In addition I am a mother of two….far from being an inexperienced baby. 😉

          I enjoy speaking to the elderly on a friendly basis. NOW, my Granny could drive me nuts at times but she never talked to me on the same level I speak to women now about, but I still enjoyed her. My elderly Girlfriend makes me laugh. She states, “A woman is a woman all of the time, but a man is a man some of the time”. She knows men are men and she is solely referring to a males ability to get an erection.

          I know you’ll counter with male enhancement drugs, but those exist because men themselves revere their Peens as being manly. There are many men who desire to feel the pleasure of sex. Men who want to feel as if they tore the bottoms out (as if they could) but we still end in the same place. Desire vs opportunity are two different things.

          Women my own age deal with men a bit differently, but the experiences don’t change much. When you marry or have kids make sure your mate is interested in participating with rearing therefore you won’t be the only one tired. Regardless, you have moments when the sex is great and moments when you don’t want it, but finding the time makes it fun….just depends on ones level of devotion to their relationship.

  2. To answer the questions posed: Do you think its God’s responsibility to pair you with someone you are sexually compatible with? No it’s absolutely not God’s responsibility to pair you with someone your sexually compatible with. Plus, this is not something God would ever do or take responsibility for.
    God gives us what we need to sustain us for a lifetime, not what we want that gives us short term pleasure.
    God knows that at the end of the day great sex shouldn’t make or break a marriage, or relationship.
    Personally I think it’s definitely important when your younger, and your sex drive is high and when your sex drive is at it’s peak. But in terms of something that can withstand the tests of time, there are much more pertinent things that matter much more than great sexual compatibility.
    Is the search for “the one” more about trial and error? Sometimes yes. I think there are those people who were destined to be together, and so they meet by “divine appointment” not by accident. There are people who are meant to meet the love of their lives in hs or college. There are also some people who are meant to be single, and/or meant to find “the one” much later on in life. I believe that we are responsible for our own destiny ultimately. God guides us and leads us, however he also gives us freedom of choice. It’s up to us to choose him and his ways, or go our own way. God doesn’t force that or control it. If we don’t choose him he lets us be and do “us” until we decide to call on him and come back to him.

    1. “God gives us what we need to sustain us for a lifetime, not what we want that gives us short term pleasure.God knows that at the end of the day great sex shouldn’t make or break a marriage, or relationship.”

      Great response, something to remember.

  3. So from an atheist perspective, even if you are “believing in a god for something.” It does not mean that you hold zero responsibility in finding your happiness.

    There are multiple facets to what makes a person content in a relationship. Sex may not be “important” for one individual, but if it is higher on “your” list of priorities, then it should not be an area that you “settle” in.
    Personally sexual compatibility is important to me, and says a lot about other areas of the relationship. Especially the communication levels and expressiveness in the bedroom act itself–it says a lot. Why would I wait until marriage to find that I am extremely unimpressed, or that me and my partner are completely non-compatible sexually? Either on my side or his? Who would want to do that to themselves?

    Same w/living habits. I wait to live with you and come to find that you are a lazy slob who will never lift a finger to clean up, or expects me to do all of the housework and cooking. People need to understand the whole of a person before they go and jump into a relationship for their entire lives with a person. Hoping that some magically fairly will make two iincompatiable people stay forever in love and never stray is just not realistic.

    1. I agree with you here beauty. From a Christian perspective we all definitely have our own responsibility in achieving our own happiness. Everything does not fall on God alone, we have to do our part, and meet him halfway. God doesn’t play the role of superman and come and save the day realistically. I believe God intends to help us to help ourselves. Teaching us to fish, so that we can eat for a lifetime, instead of just magically giving us fish so we only eat for a day.
      And nobody should settle. If sex is important to you then by all means, find someone your sexually compatible with. This will definitely lessen the chance of cheating. However, if we’re talking about marriage and spending your life with someone, you have to realistically keep in mind that you will not have the same passionate, hot, raw sex in your 60’s and up that you have in your 30’s and 40’s with your partner. And I find that many people unrealistically expect that and are ill prepared for life and body changes. Also may change after the woman has a baby. Granted every woman is different. But if you live long enough, things will change and you have to know how to deal with those changes and be prepared for them.
      I too definitely want someone I am sexually compatible with. However, I know enough to enjoy the great hot sex my young self will have for as long as it lasts. I know that realistically anything could happen at any time and it could all change in the blink of an eye. I know that nothing is promised and there are no guarantees. So I don’t have any unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex. Therefore, when it’s not the same and on the bad days, I’ll be more mentally prepared and better equipped to deal.

  4. This is a topic I speak about often. Why? Because I am a Christian woman who does believe in waiting until marriage and also knows that according to the Bible, God did create sexual chemistry as well as sex itself. Sex in the Bible is a covenant between husband and wife. Much like every covenant, it is sealed with blood., hence the reason why a woman bleeds during her first time. The shedding of blood signifies a covenant of sacrifice, man and women submitting themselves to each other, becoming one for God’s glory. The chemistry and desire for sex is a natural craving reminding us of our true nature and purpose to procreate. Yes, there are things that seem conflicting when comparing the old world of the Bible to today, but the word is meant to be read and taken in context to the times. we live in a day and age where sex is simply about pleasure and tricks. That’s why often times we don’t understand the concept of waiting. From a Christians’s persepctive, the act of waiting allows us not to share our body with others who have not made a vow to us before God. It protects our wombs, emotions and sexual pleasure so that it can be completely sacred. And as the Word encourages that the marriage bed is not defiled, it also guarantees sexual experience that are both physically and spiritually orgasmic….no judgement hear. Just clarifying. Love the post!!!

    1. That was informative as hell. It seems pretty credible as well. I always end up having trouble ignoring accounts of many women who came up in the church, did everything in the book that they believed was in the way of living pure. The and still they end up with bad sexual experiences one way or another with a spouse. I have difficulty ignoring biology totally in that regard. And I know science and religion butt heads. But boy is sex scientific

    2. “From a Christians’s persepctive, the act of waiting allows us not to share our body with others who have not made a vow to us before God. It protects our wombs, emotions and sexual pleasure so that it can be completely sacred. And as the Word encourages that the marriage bed is not defiled, it also guarantees sexual experience that are both physically and spiritually orgasmic..” I agree with all of these statements Es Sully. Which is why it’s unnecessary to worry about if the sex will be good or not. When we do things for the right reasons, and at the right time; and do things Gods way and not our own, there is no need to worry. God makes sure our needs are met, and that we are completely satisfied. If a person “claims” to have been attempting to do Gods will and save themselves and still end up with bad sexual experiences, then something is clearly amiss.
      It’s not about just simply banking on God to magically make our lives perfect because we follow his commandments. It goes much deeper than that. Unfortunately, sometimes even people who follow and keep Gods commandments are clueless about the “bigger picture.”
      They still don’t get the importance of why you should wait and the full scope of the purpose of waiting, which Es clearly put into perspective. Plus sex is about 85 to 90% mental. So if your just focusing on the purely physical, your missing out on the beauty of the spiritual level.

      1. ABSOLUTELY! This topic is one that I had to defend several times over. But i don’t anymore. I believe that we can bring glory to God in every aspect of our lives…even in sex.

    3. Considering that not all women, in fact there are many women who do not bleed during their 1st time, does that mean there is no ‘covenant of sacrifice, man and women submitting themselves to each other, becoming one for God’s glory’ in such cases?
      Yes the bleeding may sound poetic and symbolic, I don’t think it has biblical backing.

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