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Are Straight Men Confused By Transgender Women?


Men are only upset at transgender women because they are confused as to if they should be attracted to them.”

Talk about a mouth full right? It was only a week ago that I said the beauty of life is the ability to have great debates and discussions. In the interim, we now have a name for the athlete formerly known as Bruce Jenner. That’s right, excuse my French, and call her Caitlyn. What Caitlyn has done in just a mere few days is spark another conversation about gender identity in America. It is a needed conversation.

An aspect of this conversation that I think is interesting is how straight men react to transgender women. Many people think that what we think shouldn’t matter. Maybe they’re right. I happen to think all thoughts are necessary to push the conversation forward. Today’s post isn’t about whether or not I think that this whole thing is right or wrong. I honestly believe that people should live how they want to. I did want to highlight the quote I highlighted above.

That’s a quote that I saw a bit of on Twitter in the wake of Caitlyn revealing her new name and new look. The quote has a tone to it that makes me scratch my head a little. On one end of it there’s a vibe of humor. On the other end I don’t think anyone should be upset about how someone else wants to live. But the issue of a straight man feeling confused by a transgender woman could be a real one. Maybe that issue is similar to a lot of guy’s issues with makeup. Maybe some guys might feel deceived if they found out a woman they were dating had a sex change. It is a confusing thing.

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I don’t think this is something that we can brush under the rug as simple.

I was born and raised in East Flatbush Brooklyn. I was born in the late 80’s, so I really came up in the 90’s. The things that I see in society today I couldn’t even fathom as a kid. As a guy who hopes to be a parent one day, it’s important that I gain more understanding of all people. My child is going to come up in a world where people will be more comfortable being themselves. Children may identify with an opposite gender at a younger age. So many intangibles come into play and will continue to come into play as society’s awareness continues to grow. It’s important that I raise my kid to be tolerant and also have a strong sense of self.

I say all of this to say that I grew up digging women.

I always loved women. So naturally, as I got older and was exposed to people having alternative lifestyles, it took time to build respect for those people’s sensitivities. It took time to understand that them being different in one facet is okay and it isn’t for me to really have issue with. But for a lifetime, you only saw things one way. All in a sudden things switch gears. You ever drive stick and switch gears before there’s enough RPM’s? You’d burn out the clutch.

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I don’t think men are confused or upset at transgender women because they aren’t sure if they should be attracted to them. The truth is that a straight man is attracted to women. If a guy sees a woman and doesn’t see anything they deem as suspect (not genuine) about the woman’s physique then his attraction is probably natural. Some guys out there may not care honestly if a woman was transgender or not.

As for me, I’d really only be into a woman who was born a woman. But to anyone else who feels otherwise they should feel how they want to feel without judgment. When it comes to issues regarding gender identity and sexual orientations, my philosophy is simple. What you eat don’t make me s***. It’s none of my business. But we as a human race and especially as millennials owe it to our world’s future to grow with the times. Those who are more cognizant of social issues and sensitivities have to understand that tolerance is a gradual thing. If a guy is confused by a transgender woman that is okay. We weren’t born into the same world. We all didn’t have the same backgrounds. Can your parents intelligently appreciate the craft that is rap music? Probably not. They came up in a different world…and they still can’t stand it.

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This is going to take time on all sides.

That needs to be understood. Allow many of us (myself included) some time to be ignorant. We are learning. I will get better. I support Caitlyn doing her damn thing and living how she wants to. More people will understand the more discussion we all end up having. It takes time. Do you all think (straight) men are confused by transgender women because they don’t know if they should be attracted to them? How do you all feel about Caitlyn’s coming out? Could you care less? Let’s get into it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe on iTunes to the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!


  1. I don’t think men are confused but know they can ultimately be deceived by transgender women. Identifying with being a female and having a full sex change are two different things. Let’s face it, it is still a man who doesn’t want to be identified as such, that dresses as a female. I had a cousin, who has since passed away, that was beautiful when dressed as a woman. He was taking hormones, grew real boobs and had a cute body that would make heads turn….

    I am tolerant and accepting to anyone who chooses to live his/her life on their terms. I don’t disrespect or antagonize the behavior, as it’s none of my business to pass judgment. The whole context within itself can be confusing, but to each its own.

    I am a mother of two and I cannot honestly tell you how I would react if either of my kids became transgender.

    1. It’s rough stuff, and there’s no manual to it. It’s all still new. At least I think so. I’m only 26 and I feel like the day I have a kid, there is so much more I would have to tell him/her to be prepared for. I want them to respect all people. The more I end up knowing then I guess the more respectful I’ll be able to raise a child.

      1. Totally NOT new…uh, uh. The acceptance is what is new. As your kids mature situations will arise that warrants conversations but other than that there’s no need to put emphasis on it.

  2. I love this post. My thought on it is this: it is ABSOLUTELY necessary for transgender women (and men) to make it plain about what/who they are. Why? its not about being attracted to someone or not. There are plenty of good (and natural) looking transgender individuals. It’s about being honest and transparent with the person who is showing interest, to let them decide whether this is something that they are cool with. I don’t care if it is 2035…it’s not right to just say that people should be okay with it. It’s deceitful and selfish. So lets say, you start dating and getting serious, when do you drop the bomb? What if the man wants a child? How will it affect the person’s entire psyche? It’s the same as people lying about their age, occupations, children, marital statues hell, STDs!!! This is why, I believe that in this day and age, people need to really slow down when it comes to dating and sex. The consequences of the things that are now current issues….are much deeper than the YOLO satisfaction.

  3. The concept does take some getting used to, especially if you do not otherwise pay attention to gender studies issues. It’s ok to be confused. Its not ok to respond with violence and hatred.

    At the same time it is important that transgendered women be open because unfortunately a transgendered woman was not born with female reproductive organs (functional breasts & uterus) thus there will be men who will not want to be romantically involved with you because they want biological children. Other men may just be unable to view you as a woman in their minds because you DID (or do) have a penis.

    Life is a messed up but we should all strive to be kind and honest with one another.

  4. This is a ridiculous article. You spend so much time and energy deconstructing the identity politics of a transgender woman, whereas you, as the concerted observer, proceed to simply LABEL yourself a “straight man” when all of your readers are well aware that “straight” is an empty identity because “straight” men also engage in same-sex sexual acts. So, on the level of sex and attraction it is entirely dishonest to publish a manifold dissection of a transgender woman’s sexual politics while you pose as a rigid and unidimensional sexual being.

  5. this is a very nice, thoughtful and well-written article. it is a fact than transgenderism is not a new concept but something that has existed for centuries – but it is also a fact that the majority of the humans through history did not indulge in such transitioning commonly. the current trend is to blame everything on toxic masculinity or patriarchy, but in this age of jets, spacecraft & high-end medicine, the people today do not have any idea of the life that our predecessors lived centuries back, where darwinism was in full flow, and where you needed to be as masculine as possible to survive and protect the women around you. ancient humans started off from the jungle, not comfortable air conditioned rooms like the social media slaves of today. the instincts & behaviour aggregated over several millenia cannot be expected to disappear in the blink of an eye. that is sheer lunacy.

    i too sincerely believe people should be allowed to live they way they wish, but only as long as what they do doesn’t adversely affect others. i certainly wouldn’t like it if my neighbours played heavy metal at full volume at 2 AM citing some idiotic excuse or the other.

    our parents, grandparents etc. struggled to create a decent life for their descendants and many of us today are wasting away our lives and not taking half the effort they had to take. that said, there are also far too many humans today (creating more conflict), far too many ~options~ today (confusing many), far too quick technological progress without adequate social progress, and to top it all, the competition is as intense as it was centuries back, perhaps more.

    this has also created a sub-society where patience has all but disappeared and immediate gratification is demanded for everything – click to eat, click to travel, click to rent a house, click to get laid etc. the modern human is a slave to unnecessary emotion, expresses artificial outrage at the drop of a pin, encourages laziness & lethargy as a way of life and expects freebies all the time.

    as you very correctly said, this is going to take time on all sides, and people should avoid ego or artificial outrage with such things – but that’s not gonna happen either.


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