Home Advice Will He Wait In 2015?

Will He Wait In 2015?

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Yes would be the simple answer here.

There’s more behind that yes, which is probably why you’re reading this currently. I figured that this was the perfect time to rehash one of those really good conversations on celibacy. You see, America’s Golden Boy Russel Wilson currently dates the “cute an ting” Ciara. In a recent interview with The Rock Church, Wilson spoke on how they met. In addition to that he spoke about his faith and the role it plays in their relationship.

All good stuff if you ask me. Furthermore, I see people loving the hell out of this because society is so oversexualized. For someone like myself, I’m pretty numb to that. To many others, they are glad to see two prominent figures in our community take such a stand. What stand is this you ask? Wilson and Ciara are going to try their darnedest to abstain from sexual activity until they tie the knot.  As for the moment, there isn’t even a rope to tie. That’s neither here nor there.

When I caught wind of this news one solitary thing came to mind.

Boy are some bitter single women excited now! Scream at me now. I made a generalization. But in all honesty that was the first thing that came to mind. Following those thoughts, I began to think that this is something many women have been waiting to see. When women have these conversations with men about not having sex, they have had no donkey to pin. They have had no real tangible example to say hey, I want to be like such and such. Well there must be a tooth fairy because now they do!

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It has long been thought that men do not want to wait for sex.

Some men do not. If there are women available that will appease their needs then go forth by all means. But what this does show our black women in particular is that some men will wait (maybe not for marriage). Any guy that’s deeply into you and wants to grow with you will not look too hard at the clock as it pertains to pums. He will look at that clock though! But a man looks at the clock way more often with someone he’s not as mentally engaged with. In combat sports there is one simple rule. If you can control the head, you can control the body. In this instance, the head is the mind. The body is the physical experience that is sex. So essentially a man knows when we’re really engaged mentally, the sex will come. And since the sex is on its way (guaranteed) then there isn’t as much need to rush. Those are my analogies at least

To piggyback on that, women and men need to both be varied individuals.

You all have to engage each other. You all have to have interests in one another that maybe you don’t share but you have a curiosity about. That way, you’ll always have new things to talk about. Those are some ways in which you build that chemistry that will allow a man to take his foot off the gas a little bit. No question that Ciara and Russel have a great chemistry. It made it much easier to listen to the message God gave him in regards to “leading” her on this path. If he didn’t see a future with her, trust me he would not be bout it.

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So yes ladies, some men will wait (maybe not for marriage) but they’ll take their time courting if they feel the connection is worthy of such behavior. No need to be discouraged. But there is always the need for you all to be dope!

How do you all feel about the Russel Wilson and Ciara no sex relationship? Do you want to see more of this? Check out the clip below of the interview. Let’s get into it

These are my words and I make no apologies.

 

DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe on iTunes to the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!

Comment(36)

  1. Good Read. Women for some reason toggle with this often. I think if more women were secure enough to know they had more to offer besides their bodies, they would wait longer…

    1. And if they don’t have more to offer they better find something more to offer. Or they can just proceed accordingly lol.

      1. This is very true too Pops. This point is exactly what i was going to touch on.
        To answer the questions posed first: “How do you all feel about the Russel Wilson and Ciara no sex relationship? I think it’s a great thing. I think probably Ciara’s reasoning for this now, at this point in her life has a lot to do with what she went through Future, her “baby daddy.”
        Ciara wanted a future with Future, but he was just not that dude. I don’t feel too sorry for her because like many women, myself included, she had to learn the hard way that we have to choose better men for ourselves, and better future fathers for our children. We have to do much more due diligence prior to giving away the cookies, and getting in too deep. So now i think after some prayer, meditation, and convo’s with herself and some other people, she’s decided to try things a different way to get what she wants, which is marriage and maybe more children. So now she has decided to try waiting to ensure that at the very least, she doesn’t waste too much of her time, energy, heart, mind, body, soul, and love on the wrong man, and/or a man who does not want what she wants. Kudos to her on that. Definitely something more women need to do in order to avoid heartache, headache, and wasted time.
        Do you want to see more of this?” Absolutely. I think it’s a welcome change from celebs promoting and advertising sex all the time.

        I just wonder what she’ll sing about now? Will she go gospel like Michelle Williams? “Things that make you go hmmm……”

        1. @Bree, but do u honestly feel like this was Ciara’s decision based off of her past relationships ,or does it more so have to do with Russel Wilson’s religious beliefs? Because if russell wanted to smash her u really think she would’ve pulled the “celibacy card”? I dont know either of them personally,but that was a question i had after reading about those 2.

        2. @ B Strait. I don’t know them either. And I didn’t know Russell Wilson was all that religious. I think it’s pretty rare, but not unheard that “men of the cloth” or very religious and devout men choose to practice celibacy, and when dating ask this of their partners.
          I do think what you mentioned was probably the case with Megan Good and her husband, beings that he’s a pastor. It’s possible this was also the case with Ciara. But even if he asked her to be celibate, for her to agree with it, I think it’s highly likely that she was much more open to this just coming off the heels of bad breakup with the father of her first born child who she thought would be her husband. But apparently he cheated, and is now with another “baby mother.”
          I think Ciara is ready to settle down, especially now that she’s a mom and wants to be married.
          But i can’t see her being about that celibate life 10 years ago. This is just my opinion. I don’t know if she would be celibate if Russell wanted to smash, but at the same time based on how women are, I can’t see her rushing to jump in the sack with the next man either. I just think she’s hopefully learned from past mistakes, and much more willing to take her time now.

        3. “So now i think after some prayer, meditation, and convo’s with herself and some other people, she’s decided to try things a different way to get what she wants”

          Don’t go “saint-ing” up Ciara like that. Ciara’s songs are still the same oversexualized r&b, which is along with her actions is what we have to judge her with.

          Russell can be anything, but we know him to be a reclusive, biracial, church guy, winner. Ima roll with the idea that this celibacy thing is all on him and not on Ciara’s prayer life.

          “Ciara wanted a future with Future”

          Sigh…the dude had 3 kids w/ different women. Ya’ll kill me!

          “We have to do much more due diligence prior to giving away the cookies”

          Due diligence?!!? See above response.

        4. Damn High Five u go hard….lol.
          I was not “sainting up” Ciara. But the truth is, many people “find God” at various times in their lives. Usually after a traumatic and major life event. So who are we to say she isn’t more spiritual and that she hasn’t learned from her mistakes…..
          At least she’s not repeating the same mistakes to be another baby mama with another guy, rapper or not.
          And all of Ciara’s music is not overly sexualized. I’ve heard her entire cd’s when she first came out. In fact her first song “goodies” was talking about NOT giving away the “goodies” if you recall. Of course most everyone see’s her in a certain light because her sexiest music and video’s is what sells, cause sex sells. Doesn’t mean that’s who she is 24/7. Just like Mary Mary aren’t the churchy holy rollers that they are advertised to be. After seeing how Tina and Erica dress, hearing Erica’s new solo album, and seeing the episode with them with strippers at the baby shower anyone who watched their show knows better. Not to mention Tina’s husband cheating on her. All I’m saying is, don’t be so quick to judge a book by it’s cover.

  2. Pops I agree with your comments. One thing women need to keep in mind is that many men will wait. However 2 things are necessary for this to happen. The man has to be at the point in his life where he is ready to commit and marry, and he has to strongly feel that the woman is more than worth the wait.

    1. Im not one to speculate/gossip or honestly even care about the type of relationship someone else is involved in. But since they chose to share those details about their relationship,i say good for them. Most teams play to win,so if this is how this particular team feels they should go about reaching their goals…then proceed as planned. Good luck 2em.

  3. I waited for a male virgin. It was fun and light hearted for the first 5 years. We did truly love and care about each other beyond sex. But it was weird. We went on great vacations and we’d come home from a great day out sight seeing and we would sleep separately in twin beds. There was a connection between us that felt very surface level. We finally had sex in year 5 and it was not good for a very long time. It got better but we lacked passion. I think holding out on sex is only good for a certain point in the relationship. After a while the passion fades and the relationship loses a luster that keeps your juices flowing.

    1. That’s an extremely interesting perspective. Why did you all wait in the first place and why did you all decide to stop waiting?

      1. We waited because he wanted to truly know that he was in love. He made a religious commitment. So the waiting was his choice. I waited because I’d had sex quickly in other relationships and thought this would be a good approach to a healthy relationship. We ended up having sex because he said he was ready.

  4. I’ve always been of the opinion that a woman determines how long a man is willing to “wait.” I don’t mean just by saying “wait” but by her verbal and non-verbal indicators to keep a guy just as interested, without sex. It’s a much tougher trick to pull off now that we live in a hypersexual and sexually liberal society. Women have the distinction of being able to have men enamored with them without sex, while providing the anticipation for what a sexual relationship would be like. I’ve always appreciated a woman who could dazzle me with something other than her “assets” while subtly planting seeds that those same assets could be mine…”if the Price is Right”! (I couldn’t help the game show reference)

    1. lol @ langwichartz. Nice play on words. I agree, and disagree with your very first statement. I think this statement is conditional, and dependent on the man. and the womans level of “attractiveness” as well as her “stock” or ie what she has to offer, and bring to the table outside of the physical. This is based on how i understand the meaning of “stock” referring to women from a male friend of mine.
      Looks, assets, supply, and demand determine who holds the power when it comes to dating and relationships with regards to men and women. Regardless of how good a woman looks, she knows there are others out there that can get, and keep a mans attention just like she can. She also assumes that the pickings of good, available, successful, straight, and attractive men are slim. She knows the competition is fierce, and that she is replaceable. So women who have sense enough to know this, only play hardball for so long. They know that they can lose. Then there are women who do not want to be alone and are desperate to have a man, and a husband. So when you have men who are attractive and have it going on and know it, and know that they are high in demand, they don’t go for the okey dokey, no matter how fine the woman is. They know their are plenty of beautiful and sexy women in the world. Based on the men I know, they only wait if they choose to and are ready for marriage and children and truly believe the woman is worth the wait. But she has to be one hell of a woman to possess the power to have a man wait. The man also has to be at a point in his life where he wants the same things that she wants. If he’s not ready for married life, and is not about that life, then no woman will get him to wait. His response will most likely be, “wait for what?”
      Many men feel that it makes no sense for them to wait for sex with a woman and he’s nowhere near ready to be committed long-term, and/or married. Men who are seeking Future Wives, are typically ones that are more willing to wait for sex.

  5. abstain or not?..whatever

    I just wonder why an NFL starting quarterback ( one of 30) in the most popular sport in the country) oh by the way a champion) doesn’t think that he can do better than a B list rappers’ baby mama.

    It’s a sad commentary.

    1. I couldn’t speak on such things lol. Maybe he has tendencies due to his upbringing that he feels he can be the change in her life she needs. Or maybe it’s as simple as he likes what he likes. That’s really his prerogative in regards to whom he shares his time with. Some of the smartest women have their dumbest moments. Not saying Ciara is the smartest, but I am saying that anyone is privy to make a mistake or two during this journey.

      1. All that you said was true. I would never question someone’s
        preference.

        But, these pop culture happenings have context. I can’t help
        but notice that this single mother/ rapper/ r&b, NFL star combo has never happened before. Stars wife swap all the time, but it’s WIFE swapping.

        Things like this just further the notion that choosing wrong
        has no consequences. And they’re right, it doesn’t. I can’t help but wonder how the educated, single, child-less, non-mistake (w/ a rapper, thug, etc ) making black women must feel.
        That’s gotta hurt.

        1. That’s a solid point, I guess that echoes that saying many women have “these hoes stay winning.” Again not saying Ciara is a hoe lol but the overall theme being, someone’s aesthetics, and sex appeal may take precedence over what they think really matter like intellect,etc,

        2. High-Five, very very very few people in the entertainment industry in general are “virtuous.” This includes people in the gospel entertainment industry. EVERYBODY has their issues. To you Ciara may not be a good choice or the best choice. But please believe there are many many many men who would kill to marry her and put a ring on it quicker than a NY minute.
          This is all relative to one’s personal preference. Your preferences aren’t necessarily wrong, just as nobody else’s is wrong, they’re simply your personal preferences that you like for yourself. That simple.

      2. “Some of the smartest women/people have their dumbest moments.” Most all of us have at some point in our lives been the fool for love. We’re all only human. A person can have a PHD, but like the saying goes, “common sense isn’t always so common.”

    2. lol @ High Five. Who do you deem “better?” Beyonce is married, and so is Michelle Obama.
      Also, just because a woman trusts and lays with the wrong man, and/or was in a relationship with someone who she later realized wasn’t on the same page as her doesn’t make her less than, or demoralize her. Future and Ciara were engaged and has plans to marry. They were on the radio talking about an interview Future did with why they broke up. According to what he said in this interview, he and Ciara didn’t work out because she wanted to stay in LA and wanted to hurry the wedding along. He wanted to go back to where-ever he’s from. He also didn’t want to push the wedding date up. Since they couldn’t agree on these issues, they split. Don’t know how true that is, don’t really care much. Just hearsay.
      Regardless though, i don’t think anything is wrong with Ciara. She’s a great performer and dancer, and she’s talented in her own right. Her career could last longer than Russell Wilson’s. He could get hurt at any time, and it’s curtains for him. She could very well still be making hit records for the next 10 or 15 years.

      1. “Who do you deem “better?” Beyonce is married, and so is Michelle Obama.”

        …and that’s the problem. Time was, when those two wouldn’t
        be mentioned in the same sentence. But Michelle went and lowered herself by allowing a high school dropout to stand next to her on the same stage.

        In short, Michelle is better. IT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE. The fact
        that you ask that question speaks volumes about what black people might view as a better woman.

        I’m not even entirely sure why you asked this question, but
        when a woman chooses a man who has 3 baby mamas, it says something about her. When an NFL quarterback chooses that woman and her toddler rapper son, it says
        something about our culture. It just does.

        For once, can the black woman that did it right get a win? Nope. #chicksthatmakemistakesstaywinning

        1. This might be a reach but it’s often said that the worst women for us seem to be the most sexually pleasing . It could be that the wrong women feed and cater to certain parts of men that the “better” women don’t. Whether it’s an excuse or not is up for debate. But overtly sexual people might do OT for some. Or women that have everything together may seem more asexual to men. Just making points. I think these are all confounding variables.

        2. “It could be that the wrong women feed and cater to certain parts of men that the “better” women don’t”

          I think you’re on to something there.

          “Or women that have everything together may seem more asexual to men”

          Real talk.

          We science types think that this is natures’ way of making sure that the species doesn’t get too smart.

        3. yeah pops I’ve heard from both sides that people who are like psych ward nutty as fruitcakes batsh** crazy have the best sex. I also read that there is a psychological explanation for it. If i remember correctly, and I could be wrong, i believe the psychological explanation was that a crazy person is more detached from reality. They are much more free, and open and down for whatever. They don’t care as much as the avg “normal” person about judgement, and they see things differently than the average, “normal” person. So this makes them more open to pretty much any and everything sexually, whereas many avg people have too many hangups to be sexually inhibited.

        4. On this pops – “could be that the wrong women feed and cater to certain parts of men that the “better” women don’t.” You definitely have a point. I’ve know a long time ago why me and many of the women in my family, and even a few of my girlfriends were single for so long. The reason was primarily that we didn’t put up with half the bullsh** and lies that other women put up with from men.
          In my lifetime I’ve known a lot of people in very long relationships. However most of those relationships unfortunately were not good ones. And far too often, one, and/or both people suffered at various times during those relationships.
          But again, I don’t necessarily think they’re the wrong women. I think they’re just women who love differently, and are just different. They’re women that were raised differently and have different ideas on love and relationships. I’ve seen women smart, beautiful, attractive women with Masters Degree’s, lawyers, and women with PHD’s choose some messed up men who lied, cheated and did them all kinds of wrong. Does it mean that these women are not highly intelligent, no. Does it take away from them being beautiful, intelligent women who have it together, no not at all. They probably are just women who maybe were raised with no father in their life, or a part-time dad and their seeking that, or they weren’t ever taught better, and what they know is all that they know.

        5. Vivian Green the R&B singer is a prime example of a beautiful, sexy, highly intelligent, educated, and successful woman who chose a man who left her with a baby, and took her money and used and abused her. She wrote songs about it and showcased it in her video “I gotta go I gotta leave.” Before that she was on an “Emotional Rollercoaster.”
          I love Vivian Greens music and think she is beautiful and very intelligent woman still. But lets be real, generally speaking, very highly intelligent, and educated people make very stupid decisions and mistakes sometimes. It’s life.
          I’m sure Vivian didn’t plan on or intend to be a single mom. Practically all women want to be married before they have kids, or at the very least if they’re carrying a mans child. However, you can’t make anyone love you, and do right by you. So if they choose not to you either stay and deal, or walk away and move on.
          Plus let’s not forget that women are notorious for thinking that they can change a man from bad to good. Even if it’s not through sex, she thinks her love and devotion will be more than enough to make him want to be a better man. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it’s just not enough.
          Unfortunately what women fail to see and realize is that if a man isn’t already mentally in a certain place, and if he doesn’t have the desire to be better and isn’t truly committed to being better, no love in the world will make him better. He has to want this for himself.

        6. I see your point High Five, and u make very valid points. And beyonce is far from the hs dropout that is on welfare with 3 baby daddies. Whatever Beyonce’s beginnings, she’s a businesswoman who at one time was making more than Jay-Z. I never knew that she was a hs drop out. I do know she’s pretty damn smart as a business woman, and i respect the fact that most of the Destiny’s Child songs she wrote, and/or cowrote, and much of her own songs she writes.

          People choose to be with whomever they choose to be with for a multitude of reasons. People fall in love with certain people for a variety of reasons also.

          On Vivica Fox’s unsung show she admitted that she was highly attracted to attractive guys with swag and sex appeal. Unfortunately they’ve been her downfall in the past. Doesn’t make Vivica an all around stupid or dumb woman; just means she is shallow and chooses men for the wrong reasons. It seemed like at 50 yrs old she now realizes the error of her ways and is more open to regular guys who have more to offer than just good di** and good bodies.

          I do agree that people should make better choices and decisions when choosing partners, bf’s, gf’s etc etc etc. Unfortunately though, people’s book smarts, and intelligence most times are different than their decision making skills regarding love and relationships. Not saying it’s a good thing, but unfortunately it is. Love is based off of emotions and how a person makes you feel. Totally different than using your brain to make business decisions or any other serious life decisions. I think part of the root of the problem is that when it comes to matters of the heart where love is concerned, people Do Not think with their heads, (except for men thinking with the head between their legs) lol. People go off of emotion, feelings, and whatever their heart says.
          They “follow their hearts.”
          They forget this though:
          Jeremiah 17:9 ESV / 143
          “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

        7. Okay. I knew nothing about that Jeremiah verse…and it just BLEW MY MIND.

          “desperately sick”….awesome!

        8. Im here clapping like people do in movies after a great speech or kiss,you better freaking preach

        9. “when a woman chooses a man who has 3 baby mamas, it says something about her. When an NFL quarterback chooses that woman and her toddler rapper son, it says
          something about our culture. It just does.

          I don’t care how judgmental it sounds, you’re rigth!!!

  6. THANK YOU!!! I know based on my response to previous posts, you know how I feel about this topic. So needless to say, I am happy to see these two prominent adult figures making a decision COMPLETELY against the status quo to honor God and themselves and celebrate their love according to His will!!

  7. I’m of the opinion that men (and women) just need to be honest about their desires from the get-go. I recently got out of a reasonably serious relationship; very early on into our dating I told him that I was a virgin and I intended to wait to have sex until marriage. I also told him that I understood if he was not OK with that and wanted to give him the opportunity to leave if he wasn’t. My now ex boyfriend was a little surprised at first (I am a 26 y/o woman), but he assured me it wasn’t an issue, and that he had actually wished that he had waited himself for the “right person”.

    Well, this particular man wined and dined me, showed me around the new city I just had moved to, went to church with me, sent me flowers every week, treated me very well, and truly seemed to respect and understand my decision. We got into an official relationship and no more than 2 months into our dating he tried to pressure me to go farther than I wanted. By “pressure”, I mean that he started asking me things like, “Why would God want us not to do something natural”, that “virginity wasn’t a big deal” and calling my beliefs immature. I should have ended it there, but it went on for 7 months of progressively shady behavior – not introducing me to his family, driving 5 hours away to go visit a female “friend” (and complaining that he was too “tired” to drive the 15-20 minutes to my house to visit me), claiming that I didn’t trust him, and asking me for money — before I finally came to terms with the fact that he was not who he said he was and broke up with him.

    This could have been avoided if he had told me from the beginning that he had no intention of being with me and not sleeping with me. I spent the whole relationship feeling as if I was doing something wrong because he told me that he couldn’t “control” himself because he was so attracted to me. Now I see that this wasn’t a compliment, but an example of how he couldn’t control himself in other parts of his life, as well (i.e., finances, on the job). He made me out to be judgmental and “preachy” when he saw that I had no intentions of breaking my convictions. Ironically, this is the man who said he wanted to marry me and wanted me to be the mother of his child. I am glad that I was smart enough to get out of there!

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