We are in 2015 and the world is as trendy as it has ever been.
Everything seems to trend. The creation of memes and starter packs trend. The increase of people wearing joggers trend. The amount of grown men wearing wigs to impersonate women trends!! That’s who we are right now. Another trendy activity that has now taken the center stage is “Netflix and chill” sessions.
Netflix and chilling isn’t new to me (or any of us millennials for that matter). I was fortunate to live on campus as an undergrad and Netflix and chilling was your go to Kyrie to the basket move many times. It’s been a few years removed from my days on campus but Netflix and chilling is still as relevant as ever. So relevant that some feel it is now having a legitimate affect on how much effort a man puts in to gain a woman’s affection.
Talented writer Deja Jones wrote a piece on Madame Noire recently where she clearly stated that the overuse of Netflix and chilling has led to laziness on the man’s part. Read that piece here. She states that Netflix and chilling or at least it’s prevalence has lessened our creativity when it comes to going out on dates. I wholeheartedly agree with her. She’s right but Netflix and chilling is only one ingredient in this lazy ass n**** cocktail. There are some other factors that play a role. At the end of this post I think ladies will have a better idea of why things are happening the way that they are.
First off, Ms. Jones made it a point to say that Netflix and chilling should not be the first thing you suggest to a woman as a date idea. In short, I agree. As a woman you can pretty much tell what may be on that guy’s mind at that point. If that is what’s on your mind with him too then by all means, cut through the chicanery and just Netflix and “chill.” This post is primarily for those whom this is just not enough for.
If Netflix and chilling isn’t enough for you then you probably shouldn’t tolerate the suggestion.
Here is why it has become such a quick suggestion these days. Badu says “we’ve been programmed ” in The Healer. I say this often, but we live in a viral world. People see the things that you do, the food you eat, the shows you see and they want to be a part of it. As men we have to be cognizant of that. Also, know that women see it all around them as well. They might figure, hey I’m trying to get down with some of that stuff too.
On top of that, I think that texting was the beginning of laziness in all of us.
Texting , and the increased conveniences of technology have led us to this point where Netflix and chilling is reigning supreme. It reigns supreme for a couple of reasons. For one, there are women who are not opposed to Netflix and chilling. As long as they exist there will be men still using that as a first date option. Another reason as to why men are approaching women with this stuff is because he might not want to date you seriously. A guy who really wants to build with a woman will not think twice about being imaginative or wooing her. He sees these acts as building for the future. The time he takes, the money he’ll spend he thinks is a real investment. Men don’t see casual relations as a reason to do a bunch of dates. There may be some men who don’t mind. I don’t mind once in a BLU BLUE. But it’s certainly not something prevalent on my mind in that situation. This comes down to two people simply being clear about wants and expectations, nothing more and nothing less.
With women wanting to go out and do more, you’ve got to deal with the guys who want to do that with you. If you want a boyfriend, you have to find the guy looking to set up that date. Don’t ever ask for that first date. I was speaking about that with a friend recently. If a guy wants to take you out, he’ll hint to it or he’ll ask you. If a guy doesn’t want to take you out then he just doesn’t want exactly what you want. I can’t say it any plainer than that. And if that be the case, then you know you can just move on.
Men are very deliberate whether it be do our benefit or our detriment. Either way, it’s through our behaviors that you can see what we’re trying to get at. There is no real way to get a guy who does not want to put forth more effort to put forth more effort. It is now up to you as a woman to say when enough is enough.
This Netflix and chill chapter will be known as a trend.
A microcosm of what dating was like in 2015. But the fundamental issues of increased technology and many women simply not demanding more may continue as we go into newer chapters of this dating story. Do men have to do better? Yes. But many of these men do do better with the people whom they want to do better with. That means that if you believe Netflix and chilling has stunted men’s imagination in dating then you’re right. it also means that it’s time to wait for the guy who has something different on the agenda. Start a new chapter of your own….if you will. Shout out to Dusty Rhodes right there.
Has Netflix and chilling weakened the dating process?
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe on iTunes to the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!