Boy do I have a doozy for you all today! I trust everyone had a safe and turnt Labor Day weekend.
I personally took an extra day off. Upon waking up on Tuesday I did what any millennial does, I checked my twitter timeline. What I expected to see would have been videos of excessive celebration on Eastern Parkway from the prior day’s events. Although there was still a fair share of that, I came across some tweets. The tweets I will paraphrase. I wanted to preface this by saying that as a man, we want answers! So this one today is for the ladies. We need your input, because after reading this I was just thrown off.
A lady I follow on Twitter whose ideas I usually am in agreement with got me scratching my head. The basis of her series of tweets was that if a man approaches her then he should be prepared to be in the “driver’s seat” the WHOLE time. Following that tweet she mentioned different scenarios in which the man should expect to be in the driver’s seat. For instance, always calling the woman of interest, always planning the dates, and always paying for the dates.
As far as I can see, the context here is that if a man approaches this woman then he is signing up to do all of this until lord knows when. What I wanted to know through writing this was if you all agree with this. I feel a bit differently about it. As I expound on this I think many of you will agree with me as well.
More times than not men approach the women they are interested in. In some cases a woman may approach a man.
Most women rather be traditional about this type of thing. I have no issue at all. After a man’s initial approach he either is approved or curved (denied). The result is contingent upon how a man approaches said woman and if she is at all intrigued by him. In the event that numbers are exchanged then obviously a first date should happen.
Without question the man should pay on a first date.
I’ll go as far as to say that even if he didn’t plan the first date it would be fine for a man to pay. But if you seek a woman out, that first date is on you to plan and pay for. It sends a variety of chivalrous messages when you do so without reluctance. So now let’s get down to the brass tacks. Let’s say you guys hit it off. Now there is mutual interest; you guys dig each other.
It goes without saying that more dates will now follow.
Given the young lady’s tweets that were aforementioned, it would mean the man would still be in the driver’s seat. So hypothetically speaking, let’s say you all are 12 dates in. At this point you’ve been doing the good morning text business. You’ve done the call me so that I know you’re in safe business. You’ve done the let’s take a quick ride business. You all are really kicking it. At this point is it still up to me to ALWAYS plan a date? Is it up to me to ALWAYS call or text you first just to check in?
Where is the line drawn?
Once mutual interest is established why can’t everything else be mutual as well. Don’t get me wrong. As a man, be a man. Be assertive, plan things, show interest, make her feel good. But for that to seemingly be solely a one sided responsibility seems unfair. I’ll speak for all us men by saying that we’d like to be coveted too. Maybe there’s a morning where we forget to send that text, it’s okay for a woman to check in too. If a woman wants to see a certain exhibit that maybe the man doesn’t know about, it’s okay for her to suggest that they check it out.
When exactly do both parties share the responsibility of making sure they’re growing closer together? I say it starts at the point you all both agree that you’re into each other. If you feel differently please comment below. I need answers. Am I going bonkers? Let’s get into it!
DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe on iTunes to the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!