Home Culture What I’d Want The Mother Of My Child To Be Like

What I’d Want The Mother Of My Child To Be Like


Recently I reposted a video on my Instagram page which was a scene from the movie Malcolm X.

It was a scene where Malcolm was talking to Betty about the rebuilding of a nation. He stated that the foundation of a nation lies within a woman. “The mother is the first teacher of the child, the message she gives to that child they give to the world.” He states that’s the reason why we need to be particular about how a man chooses his woman. For a time now I’ve been wanting to write a few words about parenting. Well, I wanted to write about my aspirations to be a parent at least. I often wonder what kind of parent I would be. This video clip sort of gave me an idea about how to write such a post. Through describing the kind of mother I’d want my woman to be, it would then describe some of my own shortcomings. It would be my hope that she could balance that, or else, well – we’re in trouble… we’re in real big trouble.

I don’t consider myself to be great with kids.

I’m not too coochie coo at all. I think that much of that is due to me not having responsibilities as I was young to watch kids. I have no younger sibling. I was usually among the youngest in most circles. I was the kid. As I got older, my older cousins who would go on to have kids moved away. So I never had to privilege to watch their kids as they had the grand privilege to watch me. I guess I’m kind of clueless on the whole thing.

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The woman I decide to have children with would probably be very goo with kids. She’ll coochie coo them till they can talk. At which point I’ll step in and talk English and we’ll have a ball. But to piggy back on the video clip I mentioned, there’s much more to this. I was extremely fortunate to have a responsible mother. In the social services field in which I work, I come across way to many mothers contrary to responsible. It saddens me to see the kinds of decisions they make with their money and otherwise whilst knowing they have to care for a child. So I lucked out. I’m blessed.

I’d need the mother of my child to know the importance of sacrifice.

I don’t care how much success one ever attains, sacrifice will always manifest in one form or another. You have to be selfless for your child. A nurturing woman would be a plus too. A woman who can look beyond herself and empathize with her child is important. In as much as these all seem like the Captain obvious qualities to look for in this type of woman, you’d be surprised as to how many don’t possess such things.

I owe a great deal of how I treat people and how I approach many things to my mother.

She did all of which I mentioned above. The woman I have a child with I have to trust will teach my child good things as will I. She has to be my child’s biggest supporter, as will I. People of my generation, the millennial generation have a great opportunity to be the change we’d like to see. We were afforded so many technologies and life experiences that will benefit the children we raise. I ‘m of the belief that we’ll be the most candid generation of parents to date. Our kids will grow to arguably be the world’s most tolerant generation. But these things don’t happen unless we choose our partners wisely. This is just some stuff that’s been on my mind. I probably won’t have kids soon but when the right one comes along I’ll know.

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What qualities would you be looking for in a potential mother or father for your child? What or who were the influences in you creating that list? Anyone else not a googoo gaga person like me? Am I just whack? Let me know, let’s get into it.

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe on iTunes to the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!


  1. Being goo-goo-ga-ga is not a requirement for parenthood. However, finding a mate that compliments is ideal, but paying attention beyond “sexy” is of the utmost importance. In addition we cannot be afraid to ask the very difficult questions. Unfortunately, most individuals are developing simultaneously therefore changes will occur. It is important to find someone who is like minded with a similar sense of resolve and devotion. If couples aren’t on the same page with rearing, discipline, etc… then BIG problems will occur.

    Personal Experience was the contributor to my list. My mistakes are my guide to help others.

    I don’t think you’re whack. All it takes is a desire to parent in order to move past the babying notion. The baby phase lasts the least amount of time. Many men make the mistake in feeling the baby stage is solely for Mom. Well, it shouldn’t be. I think this disengaged/checked-out behavior is the reason so many men fail to truly be their for their children. Engage immediately and the reality of parenthood will be more prominent…as told by Gray

  2. I enjoyed this post. The nurturing responsibility of a mother is often overlooked as something that ‘babies’ a kid or ‘makes them too soft.’ However, it is actually a foundation to the morals, respects and ideals the child will grow to have. It caters to their inner beings, something that this world actually tears apart. And it sets them up for success in love and confidence and sensibility and appreciation for their future spouses.


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