Home Advice Do Men Care About Dogging Women?

Do Men Care About Dogging Women?

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Today I Nancy Kerrigan on thin ice with the stance I’ll take. You can always depend on Buzzfeed to bring you nuanced entertainment and information. I happen to enjoy most of their content. I particularly love their clips where they create these crazy recipes. Anyone who knows me  knows how sacred I find a knife and fork to be. But today is a bit different. You see, a few days ago I came across the below video. It sort of comes across as a safe sex PSA. The only difference in this video is that the speaker is highlighting the mental anguish an unhealthy relationship can cause. She takes the position that no one really prepares you for that. In truth, I find the delivery in this video and the subject matter to be pretty powerful. But for who?

Give this video a look, we’ll get down to brass tacks thereafter.

Deep would you say?

Well I would. Here’s my thing though, I don’t think I was as touched as I should’ve been. For one, I’ve never been that dreadful to someone. But also, I think this woman’s story, or at least the one she’s illustrating would resonate with women so much more. The issue here is that it would be counterproductive for it to only resonate with women so heavily. A video like this resonating mainly with women won’t really affect change.

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I understand the attempt of awareness being brought with this video.

I can’t help but think if a man delivered this message, males might be more receptive to it. I’ll be honest with you today as I always am.  This video is an all too common narrative for so many women. Although that does not make it right, I do feel men are numb to such stories.

We won’t get into any discussions passing the buck about who should be careful getting into relationships. I will say that many men who watched this probably left with the feeling of “damn, that sucks.” But ultimately he may have just thought, “but shit happens though.” Extremely insensitive; I know.

This video will be shared by many women, as I’m sure it already has. This video illustrates the feelings of many women as it should. But this video was made to bring awareness to the fellas. It was made to strike us in a way that would have men think twice about doing a woman dirty.

I saw this video as a really good piece of spoken word.

At the same token, for the men it was meant for, I just feel like they would shrug their shoulders at it. I feel this way because being stung in relationships is universal. Men hurt and women hurt. This doesn’t give us the license to be horrible to one another, but it’s a given that there will be bad apples out there. It’s a harsh reality. I’m sorry the woman in the video had the experience that she did. But it does get better.

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At the end of the day I don’t think this PSA sways the pendulum any which way. It would behoove all of us to just be a bit more vigilant about who we let in. What do you guys think of the video? Am I being too insensitive? Do you agree? Let’s get into it!

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe on iTunes to the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!

Comment(17)

  1. You’re definitely right. It’s odd. I don’t think there is really any accurate way to make men or women really come together and understand each other’s pain. It’s just a level or respect that we have to find within ourselves and in each other. One thing I did get from the video is that the woman did find her level of respect with her choice.

  2. I so loved this. I think young females can take a lot from this, even though like you said, men won’t take much from it. But honestly, I’m okay with that. This video will definitely cause some females to think twice about entering into “casual” situations because that’s what expected these days. It will give females, who may be hesitant about starting that conversation, the courage to speak up and ask the questions they really want to know and/or say the things they really want to say. I moreso think this was geared towards females and vocalizing what can sometimes be our internal struggle, rather than hoping to enlighten men, even though I sooo hope it does. That was a great read!

  3. Sounds like this basically boils down to being ok or not with casual hook-ups. If you can’t handle it, don’t involve yourself with a dude that’s on just hooking up.

  4. This video is harmful to women and girls. It puts the ownership on men to respect the woman’s feelings. Instead the woman should respect her own feelings. The Bible tells stories of women who had to rely on themselves or God. Man won’t save woman. Man will save himself. Therefore woman must save herself and her children. That is the human nature. When men evolve into a differnet species that has more value for females, then vidoes like this own’t happen. For now, women, protect yourself by being smart and honest about the situation.

  5. Of course, this message is meant for women and I agree with another reader that it is a great message for younger women,
    Here’s the thing, it’s a great way to explain how one feels after being dogged but men (or women) who commit such offenses, really don’t care, that is, until it happens to them by someone that they were REALLY feeling.

  6. I don’t think the message is for men. Men, like you, are indifferent about these sorts of things. We live in an overwhelmingly selfish society. The disregard for others totally amazes me. I am always honest with people period when it comes to true social bonding. Like any relationship, you have to feel one another out, first. Getting to know one another should be mental before physical. Women who want a change in men have to stop giving up sex so easily.

    1. I think they just need to to figure out the right people to have sex with. They (like the woman above) have been dealing with a wrong person. Whether they waited 5 months or 3 weeks, the wrong person is just the wrong person. That’s how I see it at least.

      1. I agree it’s as simple as being the wrong person, but no one figures that out over night. It takes time and run ins with liars, losers, and users before being able to decipher through the BS. There’s an overwhelming amount of people who know from the start, the relationship will go nowhere. However, they string people along for their own selfish pleasure. If we were more honest we would clear through the nonsense much sooner.

  7. In a way I have to disagree. The double standards of casual sex usually leaves women with the short end of the stick. I think this is a good way to present the reality of protecting oneself from mental and emotional diseases that can be connected to these acts. It is important to be on the same page about what is going on before anything happens. But it is more important for people to be honest with themselves about what they’re agreeing to and why. Many people that I know (men and women) who are traumatized by such acts, are usually affected by the internal residue it leaves behind. I agree that there could have been two sides to the story, however, let’s be honest: when it comes to the downside of sex, are men’s stories the ones we hear?

    1. That was sort of my thing, not so much a man telling a story of how he has been hurt. I’m saying more so a man speaking of how these things affect women. I don’t see men gravitating to a message like this coming from a woman because i think guys might see it as more whining than anything as harsh as it sounds I think thats how some may see it coming off.

      1. I’ve been taught, by men, that men are just not wired in a way to deem that situation as being painful/relevant . He more than likely was the user in similar situations and seriously cannot relate. I’ve had men tell me, she should have been more aware of what was happening, even to the point of laughing it off. However, if she had a stronger skill set he would have never went after playing with her mind, to start with.

        I understand both men and women get hurt. However, when it comes as a result of being used for sex the results are grossly uneven with women being used most. I grew up with many male cousins and friends. I saw, and am still watching many of them, use women.

        1. I have no dispute with that. All I’m saying is that if a man created a video where he made other men aware of the affects of male’s actions with women in these regards it might be more impactful. More impactful solely because it’s coming from a man and not a woman. I agree, men will probably shut down while listening to this. I did enjoy the video though. I’m writing off the assumption that it was really intended for us fellas and can see many men watching with a blank stare quite frankly lol.

  8. Lots of men use women for sex, but plenty of women use men for their resources. People use people. It’s the natural order of things.

    Actually I wouldn’t mind being used for sex– its just more validation that I’m sexy. It’s like somebody giving me a high five for being cool.

    And I really wouldn’t mind some chick trying to leech onto my lifestyle; it just shows imma boss. It’d be cute. I’d let her indulge in my awesome life for a lil while.

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