Home Advice Starting Over Is A Drag, Can You Avoid That Feeling?

Starting Over Is A Drag, Can You Avoid That Feeling?


We have all been single at one point or another.

In the wake of a breakup there’s an interim. In that time you hopefully take some time to heal if you need to. Hopefully you grow a bit in areas where it was necessary. But once all of that low key maintenance takes place, you’re now ready to date again. The only issue is that it can become such a hassle!

As of late I have realized several ladies comment on what a drag it is to go through the “getting to know phase” again. I concur, it can be a drag. Here’s the deal. When we start talking to someone new, there’s no promise that it’s going to work out. It’s a clean slate. We’re looking for a bunch of things in the beginning just to see if someone was worth the time to get to know. We want to make sure they can dress. We want to make sure we’re attracted to them. We want to make sure they’re not a bird (well I do at least). We can go on and on. But once someone passes those preliminary diagnostics then we’re looking for that spark.

You see, we dread the getting to know process only with certain people.

We dread it in the beginning because of the uncertainty of things working out. But if we were ever to get that chemistry with someone. If we ever found that spark with a person, it would change the game. What once felt like a daunting task in getting to know someone no longer feels that way. You would be engaged now. Getting to know someone now becomes a fun new group project where neither of you would be slacking. That’s the hope at least right?

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We hate the getting to know process when we end up meeting people consistently who don’t spark our interest. Guys want to meet women they feel confident in showing a good time to. For men, our time is our money and we don’t want either wasted. For the women (correct me if I’m wrong), they don’t want to invest their emotions into something only to be shown the dude is an asshole anyway. there could be other scenarios in their case as well. But at the end of the day, you can combat the drag of getting to know someone in two ways.

First off, you have to realize that you have to open yourself up to dating again.

It doesn’t mean you have to put yourself out there. Some people get lucky and things may fall in your lap. But you must be willing to date in a general sense. The second thing that has to happen is you have to meet someone you’re genuinely into. I don’t think you can have one without the other. But if these two things happen, getting to know someone no longer becomes such a chore. Here’s to finding what we all are looking for! Is the getting to know process a drag for you too? How do you combat it?

See Also:  Do We Even Need To Date Anymore?

These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe on iTunes to the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!


  1. The “getting to know you” process is always a drag. One reason is because I have a heavy guard of protection over myself. No one else is protecting me from that emotional hurt. The other is a guy has to say one thing just to sound like the last one and I’m turned off.

    1. Others notice your guard too, which is a turn off. You can protect yourself with self respect & never allowing anyone else to mistreat you. There’s no emotional hurt from someone whom you don’t know. New person did not mistreat you so try not to punish them. I hope I didn’t offend you in any way. It’s just often times, we get in our own way. Which to me translates as not being ready for a relationship.

  2. Getting to know phase can be a drag, but it doesn’t have to be. If I feel as if it’s a drag chances are I’m already uninterested. I don’t expect too much to start with; I must have respect & consideration. I’m very direct and hope others are equally direct with me. I want to genuinely get to know the individual without high hopes. I understand every encounter will not be a love connection, nor should a relationship be forced into something it’s not. It’s ok if it doesn’t work and I won’t be mad at someone who recognizes we’re incompatible.


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