Let’s face it. We’re a minority. No, I’m not just talking about being black. I’m talking about being introverted AND black. We aren’t allowed to exist as we rightfully should these days because black men are supposed to be outgoing. Hell, brothers are supposed to be flat-out crazy as far as the general population is concerned.
Don’t believe me? Well, just take a look at our representatives in the media. From Kevin Hart to Cam Newton, we can see the trend clearly enough: Black men are the life of any and every party we set foot in; no exceptions!
What then, can be said about those of us who just aren’t like that? What are we quiet black gentlemen to do when the spotlight is invariably cast unto us, prodding us to perform like “all the others?” How on Earth is a self-respecting, introverted black man to find a woman in his community who appreciates what he has to offer without breaking down and forcing himself to let loose in a club 3 days a week?
Well, let me break it down for you:
Avoid the Club
That’s right. You knew this was coming. If you don’t enjoy being in a club or even like the people you meet in a club then you might want to consider staying out of the damn club.
The Alternative: Try a library. Yes, I know it’s quiet. I also know that quiet women tend to find solace in these places. You want to meet someone you connect with, right? Then quit looking for loud party-girls and keep your eyes peeled for cuties sitting alone with books in calm environments instead.
If you want to be labeled wack, then feel free to force that extroversion. Pretend to be outgoing and it’ll most likely come off as just that – you pretending to be outgoing.
The Alternative: Ever heard of “strong, silent types?” Believe it or not, we’re actually in pretty high demand. Just be sure not to clam up once you’ve got a lady’s attention. That’s called shyness, and it ruins the effect.
Don’t be Boring
Alright, so you don’t talk much. That doesn’t mean you don’t do much either, does it? If you want to get attention from women (or anyone at all) you need to DO THINGS! Quite literally anything.
The Alternative: Ride bikes, fix cars, learn to cook, take a college class, join a club, go to an art gallery or travel somewhere. ANYTHING! Not talking much or doing much of anything at all makes you as appealing as wet cement.
Work with What You’ve Got
Assuming you haven’t suffered any horrendous accidents in your lifetime, you’ve probably got something going for you by the way of looks. You might not be the next Usher, but you certainly aren’t the next Shrek. Don’t half-ass on hygiene and style.
The Alternative: This ain’t science. Keep your clothes clean. Invest as much as you can afford to in personal style. Hell, hire a style coach if you have to! Just take yourself seriously. We’ve established the fact that you won’t be at the club much. So, if you want to get noticed you’ll need to shine on the street to get their heads snappin’.
Remember to Think in Reverse
I know it sounds like I just lost my mind with this one but hear me out. What I mean is that you can’t play the dating game the way extroverts do. You can’t be playing by the numbers with women if you want things to happen naturally. You have to switch this all up and let the ladies come to you. Yeah, I know it sounds stupid.
The Alternative: Be that supernova brother who has to carry a stick to beat ‘em off every day. Be that brother with U.F.O. swag (Unidentifiable Fatal Obsession – damn, that’s good). Be THAT man and let the rest be history.
Jeffery Mitchell is a young, up-and-coming writer with a vast and varied skillset.
He enjoys writing, painting and playing a variety of musical instruments in his free time.
Check out his site at www.oddnugget.com
Not all black chicks are looking for the clown, the party animal, or “Mr. Obnoxious”. Some of us (especially those of us with large personalities, ourselves) actually prefer the quiet introverts. It’s all about balance. =)
PS, change the “library” alternative to “bookstore” or coffee shop with a tablet”…who goes to the library anymore?? LOL!
Dang MissMoni, you make a good point!
Balance is definitely a good thing to shoot for in a relationship and I can only hope others are putting that kind of thought into their romantic decisions as well.
Haha, that would explain the tumbleweeds I encountered during my last library visit.
Introverts STAND UP!…well…you know what I mean.
Introverts UNITE! – quietly – in your own homes
Well I applaude the story but its hard to make men chase the right way. So tips on getting a woman is a good start but how many men will really read this article, I’m sure a few.
I have to disagree with you on that one. People often make the mistake of confusing introverts with shy people. I’d ask you to look it up. The two are not interchangeable.
Regarding the last part – I’ll reiterate: I know it sounds stupid. There’s substance to what I said, though.