“Will He Wait In 2015?” was a piece that I wrote back in July here on SBM.
The piece used the new relationship between Russell Wilson and Ciara as proof that there are men that will abstain from sex with the right woman. I spent most of that post reassuring celibate or prospective celibate women that there is hope for them if they are willing to be patient.
Fast forward roughly about 8 months and voila!!
Russell Wilson and Ciara are engaged. They seem to be enamored with one another still and it’s a sight to see. Now check out the photo above. “Y’all say Ciara is so lucky but how many men approached you like this RESPECTFULLY and you curved him??.” That quote hits a proverbial button. We have all been here before. The conversation of nice guys finishing last. This is also a new conversation of a “nice guy” finishing first. This is also a conversation of “sticking” it to the women who have curved “nice guys” in the past.
Russell Wilson has struck a chord over the better part of a year.
We can thank him for the goodness that is Future’s “Purple Rain” mixtape. Russel Wilson embodies the consummate man. He doesn’t run his mouth publicly disparaging anyone. He handles all of his dealings with character on and off of the field. To put the cherry on top he has him a tall tall glass of water on his arm. A woman who I think is a sweetheart regardless of who she has dated. He and Ciara hit it off and all the cameras are on the dudes hating on Russell and the women hating on Ciara. Also, there may be bitter “nice guys” who echo the sentiments in the photo above.
To make a long story short, we should all move past the “nice guy” conversation.
I consider myself to be a nice guy. I think I’m as nice as they come. In my experiences dating, I haven’t gotten all of the women that I have been interested in. As a matter of fact, recently I caught up with an old crush who said she didn’t think I was serious about dating her because I didn’t try to kiss her on a date. Yep, my head is starting to itch too. But anyway, my point is that I have seen women come and women go. I honestly think a lot of guys that have dated women after I have weren’t the best for them. One way or another those ladies found out. However, I never have blamed any of those things on being a nice guy.
I recognize that there is a clear dynamic.
Quite frankly if you depict yourself to be a pushover then you may not appeal to as many women in general. Those women may also take advantage of that quality. Blaming your misfortunes as a man on being a nice guy is a cop out. Look at dating as a sport. If you’re looking to score (succeed however you define it) then you have to adjust your offense to the defense. You are always on offense fellas. Be yourself but apply that in different ways as needed.
To the women who have “curved” the nice guys; it’s nothing new.
Maybe someone as nice as Russell Wilson has approached you. Maybe you weren’t captivated by him initially. But Ciara dated 50 Cent and Future prior to dating Russell. Everyone matures and goes through their changes. I refuse to be bitter and tell women that they were wrong for their past choices. I’m humble. We both know what it is. Rubbing it in doesn’t make it better nor does it change anything. If a Russell Wilson is your cup of tea now, then drink up.
We can combat having this discussion by maturing.
All of our thinking has to mature. The bottom line is that if your love life isn’t yielding positive returns then you need to examine it. Find out what you think isn’t working and be open to tweaking it. It’s all trial and error till we get it right. Congrats to Russ and Ci Ci.
Have any of you curved bad guys? Fellas, do you think women are talking silliness saying that they’re looking for a Russel? Is this couple as happy as they are because they haven’t had sex as yet? Talk to me, let’s have some fun with this.
These are my words and I make no apologies.
DamnPops is a writer on the staff at SBM and has done projects with Madame Noire and Joint Interest: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS
I’ve curved bad guys that outright said all they wanted was sex from me. I’ve curved bad guys that I knew were lying. I’ve curved guys that thought of themselves as good guys, but they lacked qualities that I needed in a man. I’ve been confused at some of the men that have expressed interest in me after I moved away and was long distance from them. They never said anything when I was around them.
In one of my poems I expressed being the girl that watched my friends gets chased after when they got mad at men but no man has ever done that for me. I’ve went over to men’s houses for sex and they couldn’t even stay awake long enough to make sure I got home safe. I’ve rejected men that said they wanted to chill but I said I wanted a real date. I’m pretty sure they thought of themselves as good guys that I was curving. I can’t think of anymore.
I couldn’t have said it any better!
First let me say congrats to the beautiful couple. Now that being said, I think we are all a little over excited about this engagement after what I consider to be a short term relationship. They have everyone hopes so high, they are everyone relationship goals example. While I hope it work out for them-THEY should be living in the moment and preparing for their future, not us sitting around hanging on every detail of their relationship and trying to mimic what someone else is doing. IMO it’s too new to know the outcome for them to be an example or proof of anything. I rather use my parents 32year marriage or my fiancee parents 43year marriage as an example. I’ve dealt with guys who hung around for years to get some only to have it go bad after. Guys waiting ain’t a new thing! A guy will wait forever if he know he will eventually get it. I guess my experience with guys leave me unimpressed with their celibacy. Outside of that I think Russell is genuinely a good guy, only time will tell if Ciara is digging that.
i’m glad that Ciara found someone who seems to be a match (i only say this because i dont know either of ’em) and i honestly hope the best for the both of them.
that being said, i’m a nice guy who gets it. being nice is nice, but isn’t necessarily attractive. other facts are, quite frankly, more important. i’ve gotten shut down before, and i’ll continue to get shut down, it is what it is. but, i just dont take it to heart as much anymore, and i have no interest to be anyone other than myself.
so to the other dudes out there, that stay getting rejected…don’t get bummed. just work on being yourself. understand that for some women, it really is a game, but for a lotta women, there’s hurt in the past and it’s hard to get through that. and keep expanding your search and be respectful in your search.
I hate this “nice guys finish last” foolishness. Always did. Girls/women looking for the bad guy are insanely seeking a fantasy-thrill from a poisonous-like relationship. This ain’t Vin Diesel on Fast and the Furious. This is real life and these “bad boys” often come with real life dangers and threats to your emotional, physical and mental being. Wake up sistahs. And the girls/women who are looking for an aggressive seeker are often only satisfied by the physical. Once things slow down and you realize you’ve fell from the height of that first kiss, it may too late. Mature and stable women appreciate a respectful and polite man. Chivalry is NEVER DEAD. We see his wanting to take things slow as a sign of a decisive man who values what he acquires and knows what he is after. I curved many bad guys because my time and company are valuable and I have ZERO time for foolishness.
It’s not about being nice or not being nice. It’s about having the qualities that the woman is looking for. You either find the women that like what you have to offer, or you improve your offering. Plain and simple.
I can dig that!
Exactly! Also know that every woman is not the right woman. She needs to be special for more than her appearance. Never try to force it as it should be a natural positive connection.
“Blaming your misfortunes as a man on being a nice guy is a cop out. Look at dating as a sport.” WELL SAID! I enjoyed the post, and I’ve never desired bad boys.
Compatibility is the only thing that matters. Why is it that nice guy seems to come with negative connotation as if it’s a bad thing. I’m the proverbial good girl….the assumptions get on my nerves. I am a secure individual, so I don’t let most nonesense shake me for too long but I don’t like it. Basically when two people are open, honest, relateable and ready for the same type of commitment it will work.
Yes, I’ve curved plenty of bad guys, even though they are the ones with the courage to approach me. Women are looking at this couple and hoping for their prime mate. Women always do this! I don’t think lack of sex is the sole reason for happiness. However, forcing oneself to really get to know an individual is key. Sex seems to be the focus of most relationships for men I’ve dated. They don’t care about what excites me, my interests, dislikes etc…just how good I can work them. I try to put off sex until I really get to know an individual. If he’s too guarded, I’m done because he’s not ready for what I’m ready for. No sense in wasting time.
See I think a lot of brothers don’t know the difference between being a ‘good guy’ and a ‘nice guy’, some have mastered it, others not so much.