Keeping with today’s theme, I came across an article on WomansDay.com (don’t ask) explaining what they claim are 12 “surprising facts” about cheaters. They primarily focus on unfaithful husbands. I’ve highlighted the list of these 12 facts below, with a few of the more interesting paragraphs as well. You can read the full article and a more detailed explanation of each fact by clicking here.
Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat.
Fact #2: Men usually cheat with women they know.
Fact #3: Men cheat to save their marriages. “Men love their spouses, but they don’t know how to fix their relationship problems, so they go outside their marriages to fill any holes,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Susan Mandel, PhD. Men want it all and have the skewed notion that another woman will make the longing for something more disappear. Then, they can live happily ever after with their wife—and their mistress—without confronting the real issues.
Fact #4: Men hate themselves after affairs.
Fact #5: Cheaters often get friskier with their wives when affairs begin.
Fact #6: Women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are more dangerous. An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. But “the reasons the sexes cheat are different,” says Orlando. He explains women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. “Online cheating—without any physical contact—is the most damaging type of infidelity,” says Orlando. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means you’ve likely checked out of your marriage. But if it’s just sex, it’s less about attachment and more about a hurtful mistake.
Fact #7: A wife often knows her husband’s cheating.
Fact #8: A couple will never work it out when the husband is in the midst of an affair.
Fact #9: Affairs can often fix a marriage. Is infidelity the kiss of death for a couple? Not always. Although a new relationship is exciting, “an affair can rekindle the marriage,” says Orlando. “Men realize who they want for the rest of their lives and that the new relationship isn’t as perfect as they thought.” But think hard before returning to a cheater. “Flings can highlight how little self-control someone has,” explains Orlando. Still, if it was truly a one-time slip, it’s possible to get back on track.
Fact #10: Even after rebuilding the marriage, a husband may still miss the affair.
Fact #11: A cheater knows he’s hurting the woman he loves, tearing his family apart and sacrificing his honor.
Fact #12: The wife’s not to blame if her husband cheats on her. Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, it’s not your fault, no matter what people say. “When a man cheats, he’s making a conscious choice to do it,” says Dr. Brosh. “The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman is an expression, not a reality.” Orlando echoes this sentiment: “Men don’t cheat because of who she is; they cheat because of who they’re not,” he says. “The ‘fault’ is that the signs of disconnection have been ignored by both parties.”
I disagree with “facts” #3 and #4. I definitely don’t think men cheat to save their relationship. A man, however, might justify cheating if he wants to stay in the relationship, but this still seems like a selfish pursuit seeing as he is the only one that gets to fully satisfy his desires. It also assumes the woman is happy simply because she is faithful. As the full article notes, this allows a man to step out of the relationship without ever addressing the true issues; issues which might also contribute to his wife’s unhappiness and the demise of the relationship as a whole. Once discussed, it’s possible these issues could be resolved without justifying cheating as a means to that resolution. Lastly, as I explained here, I strongly agree with fact #12.