Home Featured Why is the Black Girl A H*e and not the White Girl?

Why is the Black Girl A H*e and not the White Girl?

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"Ain't nobody judging..."

Why is it that a white girl can have sex with as many people that she wants, but if a Black girl does the same thing she’s labeled a hoe? This was the question that I was faced with and I struggled with the best way to answer it. On the inside, I know the answer, I really do, but how to express that in words is very difficult. So I commissioned my brother from a different aunt, and since he’s still trying to become a doctor, I won’t share his name with you but we basically agreed that it comes down to the affirmation of the word, “Hoe.” Also, we agreed that a white male’s perception of a woman who sleeps with a lot of men is no different than that of a black male’s perception, he agreed that he still considers them hoes. But what was interesting is that he said that if you call a white girl a hoe, she takes it like a new badge on 4square, however, when a Black girl is called the same thing, she gets defensive.

I just want to rehash an important point here; this whole phenomenon has nothing to do with the men. For example:

Brandon: What’s up with Sam?
Matt: Nothing, she’s definitely not putting out.
Brandon: Oh my god, what is wrong with her?

Brevin: What’s up with Shavon?
Koury: Nothing, she’s not f*cking.
Brevin: Damn, f*ck that b*tch then.

You see? You can tell that whether it was two Black guys or two white guys they both categorize women the same way when looking for casual sex. Vice versa, you can imagine a conversation with these same two guys would yield a different tone and result if they were picking a wife. And that doesn’t mean that he won’t marry a hoe. “They say you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, but I know plenty of married hoes.” That’s true, but it’s about how she went about being a hoe.

See Also:  The Ridiculous Expectations Black Men Place on the Sexuality of Black Women

“According to recent research from Stanford University, the majority of college co-eds are still having sex, with an average 9.7 sexual partners for men and 7.1 for women.”

But in my opinion, consider this math: let’s say a woman has sex with two guys each semester while in college, that’s a total of sixteen. And that’s ASSUMING she slept with no other guys, like nobody else on Spring Break, or that dude from High School, nothing, like nothing. So in reality, if a woman gets out of college with twenty bodies, it’s not the worse thing in the world. The question you have to ask yourself is whether she was a trifling hoe, or just a hoe. To determine that it’s very simple “Was she having sex with any of those guys at the same time?”

“Because there’s a difference between a chick who f*cks mad dudes, and a chick who f*cks made dudes at the same time … now that’s a HOE.”

To go back to the original point, I believe that if you tell a Black girl she’s a hoe and you mean it, then she’s going to get upset and she’s going to be concerned with ending that reputation as soon as possible. A white girl probably considers all those guys she slept with to be her boyfriend in some form or fashion. I’ll just be honest, I have white female friends who will call a guy their boyfriend on the day they started sleeping with that man, meanwhile, I have Black female friends who have been sleeping with a man for eight years and they still not in a relationship. I watched a group of white girls talking about the men in their lives and one straight up called the other a hoe, her response, “I have had relationships with all the men I’ve been with.” I didn’t know how that was possible but it made some sense. The important takeaway was that she didn’t flip out and jump across the table with a butter knife.

See Also:  You Are Appreciated: A Letter to Black Women

Conclusive Note: Black women will spend much of their lives trying to ensure that they are never associated with the word, “hoe”, “slut” or “jump-off”. Meanwhile, white women will spend more time worrying about being associated with, “wife”, “girlfriend” or “mother”. It’s the same affirmation that plagues people across many categorical lines, such as, gender, race, class, and education. When you allow insults to dominate your thoughts and change your actions rather than focusing on your goals and the long term person you hope to be, you put yourself at a disadvantage. I’m not saying Black women should stop caring if they’re referred to as “hoes” or not, this is 800 words and not nearly enough time to explain why there are reasons why you should always be cognizant of your reputation. All I’m attempting to answer is the original question and the answer is; because you accept the label as being a bad thing.

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Comment(174)

  1. Because most black women are silly enough to take black mens opinions seriously. It's not like it's white men going about how black women are hoes, or white women. Why ask a question you know the answer to? Most black women don't seem …so vicious really; or they'd be reminding us(black men) everyday of how worthless our opinions really in to society, and how basically NO ONE gives a crap, or has to care about what we think/say.. and not give a crap what we think of them. But they choose not to.

  2. Btw I found it amusing how you try to put the blame on black women for why they judged more harshly when it comes to sex. I guess we should just start blaming them for everything LOL.

  3. In what universe are white girls not hoes and don't get mad when you call them a hoe? I've never visited…time to get my passport I guess.

    I will say that IMO white men care a lil less about "hoe status", in general.

      1. Girl, keep reading, evidently in that universe white people have it all together! The men are respectful(!!!), the women are sexually liberated without motive or repercussion, they are all wealthy and appreciate one another…I obviously need new white friends, *flicks wrist* mine are broken. #PrettyWoman

  4. I tapped out at, "But what was interesting is that he said that if you call a white girl a hoe, she takes it like a new badge on 4square, however, when a Black girl is called the same thing, she gets defensive."

    It's going to be a long day…

    1. Back for round 2. (Just found out Ill be in training all day so Ill be MIA after I get off this train.) Anyway.

      I've dated a lot of women from various backgrounds but for the context of this post, ill stick with the fact that I've dated a number of white women. If I've learned anything – and I'm not saying I have – it's that pretty much all women of all races are nasty, if not equally so. Whoever started or tries to perpetuate the rumor that any one race is freakier than another, in my experience, has been incorrect. So assuming all races are nasty, it's a matter of why certain labels (allegedly) stick with black women longer than white women.

      I'm not sure, although I have some theories. Don't have the time to cycle thru all of them but one that I would say is at or near the top of the list is based on income and education. In my opinion, the older you get – regardless of race – the less effect all these various labels have on your life. Being called a "hoe" is a lot more detrimental in High School and college than it is in your day to day life. Essentially, you can grow out of it. Or if you're from a small town and have the means, you can move. If you're a "hoe" in a large city, then who cares.

      Specific to blacks, we do have a habit of making non-issues issues. We become our own echo chamber, as has become more evidenced by the Internet. (Trending topics, blogs, forums, etc). That's fine but because of that once a label is assigned to any given woman (or person) it cycles any given number of times, thus making it exponentially more of an "issue" even tho at the end of the day – assuming she's STD or perhaps even kid free – does a label really matter? Granted, I can only speak as a man. Women (as shown above and below) may feel different about the label.

      Ill close with something that is confusing me about the comments so far but I won't be able to read or respond until later. IT SEEMS (my perception) that a lot of black women are erring towards describing the many (perceived) benefits of being a black woman dating a white man or simply being a white woman. I find this interesting, because if black men came on here and talked about the perceived benefit of being a white man versus a black man and who white women "treat" their men better, the world (or this site) as we know it would implode.

      I'm just sayin.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314636">

        WisdomIsMisery:

        Ill close with something that is confusing me about the comments so far but I won’t be able to read or respond until later. IT SEEMS (my perception) that a lot of black women are erring towards describing the many (perceived) benefits of being a black woman dating a white man or simply being a white woman. I find this interesting, because if black men came on here and talked about the perceived benefit of being a white man versus a black man and who white women “treat” their men better, the world (or this site) as we know it would implode.

        I’m just sayin.

        I’m just sayin…

        If the OP compares sistas to white chicks then surely the reverse comparison can be made… especially to answer the question of why we ain’t more like.

        I almost want to ask, to those who might be thinking it… you mad son… but that would be disrespectful of our bond and shared history

        Kinda like just wondering why sistas can’t relax their sexuality and be more like white women proud, comfortable and laughing at the idea of being called hoes

        Cause no one would say that to a white chicks face and not expect tears and offer apologies for making them cry… caused they spread they legs too many times

        I am curious too of how many brothas could stand the acid test of the number of times they stuck and busted in some chick

        Leaving the aftermath of bills, babies and sometimes disease

        But I won't… because even though I am just saying that would be disrespectful of our bond and history

        And I might have missed something… but did a sista start the comparison to other… you can correct me if I am wrong

        I’ll wait for a moment while you ponder that… because the constant comparison to white chicks as behaving in a superior manner will only increase the desire of sistas to look at their benefit package and wonder if they aren’t missing out

        I’m just sayin also…

        If y’all don’t start none, won’t be none ~JS

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-314673">

          WisdomIsMisery:

          This doesnt make any sense

          <blockquote cite="comment-314715">

          Adonis:

          WTF… Jhane… You lost me there sweetie…

          I will make it simple

          If black men do not like being compared to white men, then it would be a good idea not to compare black women to white women.

          Because white women behave the way they do based on their interactions with white men, and black women behave as do based on their interactions with black men.

          The experience of black women and white women is different, and black men should understand this because we share a history.

          If white women are perceived as being more feminine or comfortable with a certain level of sexuality it is because of positive reinforcement or certain behaviors being rewarded by white men

          And most black men would not like it if black women held them to the standards of behavior of white men.

          Also most black men would not like to be judged negatively for their sexual behavior, in the way they judge black women.

          None of the comparison comments were meant to promote IR, but to point out that black men can not continue to compare black women to white women without black women eventually wanting black men to treat black women the way white men treat white women.

          And if black men do not like this logical progression of thought then they should cease the comparison because they do not like it when the shoe is on the other foot

          Now do you understand ~JS

        2. @Jhane Sez:

          Yes.

          Thank you for clarifying your thoughts. I have some contrary opinions, which is why I asked originally – in other words, I wasn’t trying to provoke you by asking what I thought was a fairly simple question. Rather than write too lengthy of a comment, plus it's late in the day, I will write a blog about my thoughts on the subject down the road.

          For the record, I agree that comparing black women to white women is counter intuitive (in most instances). I disagree that black women (and others) already do not compare black men to white men. Quite frankly, I believe everyone – whether we like it or not – is compared to the "white standard." And yes, that even includes white people.

          Pertaining to interracial dating (IR), I actually think MORE black women should date white men or any other race of men, if for nothing more than to dispel the misguided rumors that white men or all that different from black men. I actually find it both amusing and sad how much time black men/women can spend tearing down one another and comparing their counterparts to other races when they have never dated outside of their own race to even know if their opinions are accurate, which in most cases, they are not. @ssholes are @ssholes and they come in all shapes, creeds, religions, cultures and backgrounds. Black (or women) do not hold the monopoly on personal shortcomings.

          But as I said earlier, I'll write my thoughts in length in a blog during my next or a future rotation on the site.

  5. I'll agree with Star in that white women DO get upset when they are called hoes, but it isn't nearly to the same degree. I believe it's based on two factors: Sex in the City and the degree of flexibility of hoe-nership. Sex in the City being that media made by and for white women usually either celebrates or is ambivalent to 'hoe status' among white women. The only time it is brought down upon be the media is if it from a conservative base. The second part deals with that even if a white woman IS deemed a hoe, she'll have to do far more scandalous things to be thought of as completely unable to be properly wifed. This is completely different for black women when even the most minor 'offensives' (in comparison to white women at least) has her compared to Sasha Grey.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314589">

      Malik:

      I’ll agree with Star in that white women DO get upset when they are called hoes, but it isn’t nearly to the same degree. I believe it’s based on two factors: Sex in the City and the degree of flexibility of hoe-nership. Sex in the City being that media made by and for white women usually either celebrates or is ambivalent to ‘hoe status’ among white women.

      Yeah but when you are living the SATC livestyle on any level you are messing with guys who are giving Manolo Blahnik stilettos as gifts and are the type of men who can help you both socially and professionally.

      You are comparing being wined and dined by movers and shakers who can help you in business even if they don’t call the next morning to dudes who most likely make less money and are less educated.

      What I think some brothas fail to understand is that the reasons white women are more comfortable and willing to be hos is that they benefit in the short and long term from their promiscuity… and sistas don't

      In other words they are paid… even if it is just free drinks and no cover charges.

      They are sleeping their way to the top… or at least to a better economic station… even if its from working fries to the register or more hours.

      Lets be real… it is rare that a brotha is in a position to vastly improve a sistas life by giving him some p*ssy… considering that most make their badge of honor the ability to get some without even buying a chick a drink.

      And when they do benefit a jump off they are more likely to share the wealth with a non-black woman

      A white woman has much less to lose and more to gain by being promiscuous or even being perceived as such.

      It did wonders for Nelly Furtados’ career ~JS

      1. Look at all of Tiger mistresses they were getting book deals modeling everything after playing the side hoe, Super head had to suck off the whole industry and do porn to get a book deal and finally get paid.

        Also the way women deal with the word hoe and side hoes lets men know how to deal with it. Tigers wife got mad at him and dragged him throught the mud, when swiss beats cheated on mashonda she tried to take Alicia Keys down the dirt rode as well. Same thing with shaq's wife.

        When white husbands cheat their wives blame it on them when black men cheat most not all black women blame it on all the hoes out there that can’t get their own man. This takes the blame off the man’s hoe activities and putting it all on the other women. (at least from what I have seen)

        1. Kim had sex with her boyfriend and recorded it. and let's not even get into if she's "white"

          Karrine is a p*rn star.

          Why is this correlation continually used? They are NOT the same thing! Or even close. If they were, lots of us up in this piece are p*rn stars…and I'm a need to get my check!

          Compare Karrine Steffans to Jennifer White. Oh, wait, you haven't heard of her? Yeah, that's cause she's just some random porn chick that gives head…like the other 720,000 p*rn "stars". Karrine branded herself. Effectively.

          And about your Tiger example…you realize that he's Black, right? Soooo, how's this "When white husbands cheat their wives …" the pinnacle of your argument regarding Tiger and Elin? He's a Black husband, or he was… Also look at the socioeconomic backgrounds of the examples that you gave…dare I say, it plays a much larger role than race.

        2. STAR!

          Kim released the tape on purpose! That makes her a hoe!

          She has since poised nude twice, when her popularity went down… that makes her a hoe!*

          She was unknown before Ray J hit her with the lip biting back shots.

          **not every one that poises nude is a hoe, but Kim did it than lied about it afterwards… HOE!***

        3. 1) I used super head as a joke in reference to all the extra hoe activity black women have to do in order to keep those pockets fat. And I also used swiss and Alicia keys reference in correlation to tiger b/c regardless of money in the bank they were both in the media light.

          2) I know tiger is'nt white forgive when white women deal with their mates.

          3) Let's compare kim kardashine to amber rose both messed with known artist..out the 2 who is doing better overall. Kim had been photographed with plenty of famous men and hasn't been given the hoe label as much as amber. Amber rose can't talk a pick w/ a famous man with out.." Some urban media man or women going em she a hoe trying to make a come up"

        4. All good, interesting to me though that you see Kim as less of a hoe than Amber Rose. If I could be one of those women, I'd choose to be Amber Rose. Makes me wonder what other women would say…Twitter Poll! Amber Rose is white though, right? Weren't you comparing white vs. Black?

  6. From the inflammatory title to the idea .. "black women concern themselves w/ avoiding being called hoes, while white women concern themselves w/ being associated w/ wives??" … I got about 1/2 way through this before I LOLed & though who the heck (which blogger) wrote this?

    No offense, but you could have gone a few different directions w/ this piece / idea, & yet it falls into the category of "one more thing y'all black women should work on" .. or comparing black women to whites .. *yawn* a bit trite for my taste. I've read some of your other works & I liked it. This? Not so much. As dude said up top, good luck w/ you comments section today : ]

    1. Thank you. LOL

      I hope the rest of the black women that read this pathetic article see it this way too, this is probably the third worst 'article' I've read on this site, the quality is really starting to go down….

      It's like the same old writers, grasping at the same boring topics only desperate to keep attention through silly post like this one.

      It's getting old really, it's just generic. Write post pinning black women against white women in some way for attention, wait for black female posters to get defensive/upset, generate comments, ect.

      Jesus christ, write something new. BLACK WOMEN AREN'T WHITE WOMEN, we know this already son. LOL

      1. Really? Man, you said your peace already. Disagree with the premise, make good arguments and KIM. Is it really necessary to dog the whole site, or even Dr J's entire body of work off a couple posts? How was "Can You Love God And Sex?" playing on race or cheap sensationalism? Seriously, look at the last couple weeks of posts…then look at your comment…then back at the SBM content, sadly your insults don't hold water <del>but you can smell like the men of SBM</del>.

        Listen, human relationships are as old as time. There's going to be some repetition, ain't ish new in the streets. Ish may have been said 20 times, but that doesn't make it less relevant and the writers of SBM try to put a fresh spin, some humor, and a lil wisdom in it. Good luck finding a site about relationships that doesn't cover relationships ad nauseam. The problems aren't new. Know what is fairly new though? The internet, and it's awesome because you can customize your content yourself. You should try it.

        1. Hoe sit down.

          Hop off his e-nuts, LOL. You aren't anything but a page hit you silly little hoe.

          Anyhow, like I said – the quality of articles on here (mostly from the same awful writers who seem to be posting more often) is going down. If you don't agree with my opinion or like it, well that's YOUR problem, discuss it with yourself – you know, someone who cares.

          If you are going to go all e-skank-blogger stan that's okay, but I didn't realize the point of blogs were to gain silly deluded, vapid little followers who will praise and touch themselves to every single post like a b!tch in heat. I bet your cheap ass don't even defend Jesus this much, ROFL.

          lol @ blogger stans going harder for male bloggers than they do jesus. Hoe go to church!

        2. I should add, that it's a blog, not one of their post are exactly…..hard hitting stories if you know what I mean. That isn't a reflection on them, but the morons they often need to dumb down post to appeal to – morons like you, who stan for bloogers. LOL

          Just being honest, I don't expect too much substance on a silly generic 'black blog' but repeating the same damn article that the OTHER 'black blog' wrote about 5 hours ago is just…LMAO…..I don't even know what to call it, lol.

        3. LMAO @ him calling me a "hoe" though! If I thought he was capable of foresight and wit, I'd dap him! #Timely

          Me on Dr. J's nuts? HA!

          Well that's your last meal from me, let me stop feeding the trolls and get some sleep. I got a lot of blog hoeing to do tomorrow.

          http://bit.ly/jQMx37

      2. Man, it's too late to be dealing with this but before this gets out of hand, let me just say this and go to sleep.

        WUT…

        Please reference this comment to see how much of a clown dude is:
        https://www.singleblackmale.org/2011/06/01/3-excus

        You're the same negro who talked sh*t about black women's hair a week ago and now you're back here calling an article pathetic and tired because of the topic and angle? Man, miss us with that sh*t. You just mad ya comments got disliked.

        This ain't CNN or Youtube. The authors respond here. And if a response is what you wanted, you got one. Go take a seat.

        I have no problem with dissent on a post. But if you gonna tear into the writers/readers/site or establish yourself as a troll, don't be surprised when you get a response like this or your comment just gets truncated. You ain't gonna just walk around this room fartin' and f*ckin it up for everybody. Do that sh*t in your own car.

        Tired of people coming up on sites and acting like they haven't been hugged. Go get an X-box or a girl.

        Unforgivable.

        1. I talked shit about their hair, all the while calling my own hair nappy?

          No I talked shit about nasty ass women that DON'T wash their hair. LOL

          Lrn2read bud.

        2. Last thing I'll say is that I know you're the commenter formally known as RipperMcRipstein. The IP don't lie. I'm pretty sure you're not even Black. You said your father was Korean and your mother was from Spain a few weeks ago after making some sweeping generalizations about Black people.

          Further evidence of lameness:

          https://www.singleblackmale.org/2011/05/17/why-are

          Seriously, go away. Shoo. Vamoose. Be gone. Adios. Sayonara. 떠나다

        3. Devil's Advocate

          …..at times yall post the most outrageous ish and then get mad when people respond with equally extreme analysis or rhetoric.

          As far as ripping the site for reptition. I mean….there is no need for that. It is what it is. People can move on to other sites.

          As far as ripping certain authors. Let's be honest….it's always the same author gettin ripped. LOL

          I'm just sayin….yall callin "ball" a lot lately. But like you said…it's your courts and your refs. LOL

        4. @il Duce

          I understand what you're saying, but would you let someone come up in your house and act like that? With hospitality, there are also house rules. If you let people disrespect your place, those watching or sitting nearby will think it's okay to disrespect your place as well. I don't want people pissing in the sink or tracking mud through the house I just remodeled. Who wants to hang in a f*cked up house?

          I can't speak for every other writer, but you never see me tear into commenters because they disagree. I may rebut their argument, but that's about the extent of it. I welcome newbies to the site that disagree with me all the time.

          If I'm coming across as a d*ck, I don't intend to. I just hate this floating idea about bloggers not being able to respond and it's supposed to be freedom of speech at all costs…except for the authors.

          And no, I don't plan on writing about this on my personal blog.lol

        5. I hear you Slim. You gotta make the call about who is trollin and who is not.

          One of my comments got deleted last week…I think errybody know I'm not a troll…Ufck it….Imma just treat it like the Jay and Nas beef…..cause you know who, said you know what, to you know who. We'll just keep that between me and you. LOL

          I think most people realize my comments didn't so much apply to your posts or you as an author. I admire your loyalty and attempts to keep things civil.

          It aint easy doin what yall do. I aint mad at yall.

        1. I would defend Star's honor… But then I would have to call her my favorite White Goddess, and how WUT or RMR is a trolling fagg*t…

          So, instead, I'll keep all of my gentlemanly thought in my head…

          Love you Star…

          & those who hate this blog, stop making the huge hit that it is…

          Energy Flow Where The Attention Goes…

  7. This whole post is all over the place with random "facts and figures and definitions" that nothing to do with anything.

    Black women are labeled "hoes" for doing the same activity as a white woman because "we" accept it as a bad thing? Really though?!? Um…forgive my ignorance but im pretty sure the term hoe has never been thrown about as a term of endearment so how i take it has nothing to do with its connotation. On the flipside, are you suggesting that any woman she be willing to accept the title of hoe (regardless of it's accuracy)? In what way is that conducive to anyone's goal of being a respected individual?

    (Black women will spend much of their lives trying to ensure that they are never associated with the word, “hoe”, “slut” or “jump-off”. Meanwhile, white women will spend more time worrying about being associated with, “wife”, “girlfriend” or “mother”)
    ^^^those two sentences mean the exact same thing- as "hoe" is considered the opposite of "wifey material" So if a black woman spends a great deal of time worrying about not being considered a "hoe", it is BECAUSE she wants to be considered a "wife". What i got from this is basically you looking at the Black Woman's glass as half empty and the White Woman's glass as half-full (side-eye of the highest caliber!) And if your "analysis" is correct, white women don't get called hoes in the first place so why would they be worrying about being called a "hoe"?

  8. I gotta disagree for the brothers, Doc. I see the point you're trying to make, but you've made too many racial generalizations, which is gonna undermine any validity you manage to hit upon.

    My personal view on this subject is somewhat more literal, so I would've disagreed without 'em, but there you have it.

    (Side note: how come all the black relationship blogs seem to run the obligatory "white girl" posts, but nobody talks about relationships with Asian or Latina women? Just seems like a whole repository of unmined perspectives going to waste)

  9. “Why is it that a white girl can have sex with as many people that she wants, but if a Black girl does the same thing she’s labeled a hoe?”

    The consequences aren’t the same.

    White men use condoms at a higher rate than black men, resulting in lower instances of both unexpected pregnancy and STD’s. And if there is a slip up they will come out of pocket for it, because they understand that if you play, you pay… which is why you don’t see them on Maury as often.

    The benefits are greater.

    With white dudes even the lowest jump off gets walked to her car or cab fare home. If its good they reward by buying dinner and gifts of lingerie from Victoria Secret not from Target and, they don’t demand that she leave the draws at his house.

    A good head game may even win you a trip to Cancun or at least to one of those hotels with a swimming pool and waterfall in the room… some brothas won’t even let a chick shower

    .

    There is a greater chance to upgrade.

    White dudes are more likely to turn a hoe into a housewife or at least a real girlfriend.

    There is a greater tendency to consider her past her past, because he doesn’t want to be judged by his either. So you can still do your Jenna Bush, sniffing coke off of bald midgets heads and still get a 4 page color layout in Modern Bride and a 5 figure diamond.

    Lastly… white women are nurtured and protected by the men in their communities.

    So a white chick can do her Girls Gone Wild thing and let dudes take shots of tequlis o’neal out of her navel and her father, brothers, cousins, random dudes she knew in school will still defend her honor and argue that she is really a good kid… she’s just a free spirit.

    Even is she is out there riding a pole to pay for her meth addiction… she will be considered ill and in need of support and redemption.

    Where as brothas think that a sista can’t be redeemed ~JS

    1. Your

      <blockquote cite="comment-314603">

      Jhane Sez:

      Lastly… white women are nurtured and protected by the men in their communities.

      So a white chick can do her Girls Gone Wild thing and let dudes take shots of tequlis o’neal out of her navel and her father, brothers, cousins, random dudes she knew in school will still defend her honor and argue that she is really a good kid… she’s just a free spirit.

      Even is she is out there riding a pole to pay for her meth addiction… she will be considered ill and in need of support and redemption.

      Where as brothas think that a sista can’t be redeemed ~JS

      This is a very pivotal reason that black women care about the label "hoe" so much. Our men will literally ostracize us for that label. As a woman, do you know how many times I've heard, "if she's a hoe, I'm going to treat her like a hoe". I guess the whole "treat someone the way you want to be treated" philosophy just goes out the window with Black men. Hoes catch the jack in life. They get no respect and they get no husbands. Their only hope at companionship is being somebodys cum bucket. That is NOT a desirable life. Black men have not determined that black womanhood is something sacred that should be cherished and protected at any and all cost. Black men haven't even decided that black woman are the most beautiful women in the world and the most suitable partners for themselves. But white men have. Innocent Black men have been killed for the alleged "rape" of the white women. White men go hard for their women. Black men could take us or leave us.

      1. @Mz.Juici… you are either going to have to get out of my head or pay me rent because this is the truth ~JS

      2. But why should a H*e be respected? Just because a couple of white guys do it, doesn't make it right…. Would you respect a guy who is a playa?

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-314616">

          Lyrically Inclined:

          But why should a H*e be respected? Just because a couple of white guys do it, doesn’t make it right…. Would you respect a guy who is a playa?

          The OP asked why do black women get upset when they are called hos… where as white women seem to almost celebrate the fact.

          Since the majority are monoracial jumpoffs the comparison holds.

          To put it in the simplest terms… white men treat even their jumpoffs better than brothas do. Most black men respond the way you do in saying why I gotta respect a ho.

          The same does not hold true for the majority of white men… especially not the further you move up the socioeconomic ladder.

          If white women were treated like sistas I doubt that you would see them being as sexually free, because their goal is to marry eventually… and they have that option in greater numbers than sistas.

          Even white playas take the motto of provide and protect to heart… the women they deal with only get mad because their attention isn’t exclusive ~JS

        2. <blockquote cite="comment-314623">

          Adonis:

          WW would adjust better to BM then BW would…

          WW are better at being WOMEN than BW are…

          You got any facts to back you up dude? Or are you just testing your trolling skills?…smh

        3. "To put it in the simplest terms… white men treat even their jumpoffs better than brothas do. Most black men respond the way you do in saying why I gotta respect a ho."

          Even if this generalization holds an ounce of truth in it, there is still no justification of hoes. Hoe behavior is bad behavior, and anyone who respects a hoe is validating that characteristic. Matter of fact, guys constantly using the mantra "we don't luv dem hoes" is a good thing. Let the word continue to spread that females who get run through by all the boys in the block won't get the respect the average female is getting. That "Captain-save-a-hoe" swag ain't what's up anymore.

        4. <blockquote cite="comment-314623">

          Adonis:

          WW would adjust better to BM then BW would…

          WW are better at being WOMEN than BW are…

          When I was too young I spent part of a summer in Italy.

          I am and always have been a beater and jeans type of chick, no make up with wild hair.

          But when I was in Italy the women were always dressed in dresses and skirts and high heels

          I didn’t get it at first… until I walked down the street

          The MEN treat the women like rock stars regardless of looks of social class… and with respect

          Imma need my church fan to testify

          Oh you are so beautiful because… fill in the blank… cause they can see it and if they can’t they find that which is beautiful in every woman

          Which is why their women make it a point to be fine

          It seemed that every man you met was on a personal mission to make every woman feel like an Italian sex goddess

          And the constant POSITIVE attention and flattery made you want to step your game

          I wore dresses and heels almost every day… I brought my first pair of stockings here because I didn’t want to disappoint

          I felt so alive, feminine and sexy because the men were so, so charming… making me feel special

          All sistas need to spend sometime in Europe

          Because there we are treated like white women are treated here… in America… by brothas like you

          Who only criticize instead of inspire

          Not realizing you are part of the problem~JS

        5. i think you are both right.

          to be honest 2520 probably do treat jump offs better, I know I treat people terribly. I will ackowledge that, give you a thumbs up and try to do better. But like Lyric said that isn't a bad thing. We are talking about SMUTS. These actions should be looked down at. Hoes like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton have become house hold names b/c of 2520, that is not something to look up to. Not everything 2520s do is a good thing

          You want to talk about the way Europeans treat women. You do realize seeing women are merely as chex object isn't the best way to bring equal rights and leads to things like high rape cases. Again everything 2520s do is not better. and real talk, strangers advances on the street should NEVER validate an individual. Those are not compliments, its really a shame and almost sad that so many women, even my girl, take them positively.

      3. <blockquote cite="comment-314634">

        Jhane Sez: All sistas need to spend sometime in Europe

        Because there we are treated like white women are treated here… in America… by brothas like you

        @Jhane Sez

        I think its a culture thing because black men do treat black women like that… just not in America. When I go to Jamaica I get a lot of the "constant POSITIVE attention and flattery" and it feels great. At home when I am around Ethiopians (and other Africans) the same attention is given.

    2. I'm thinking you hit the nail on the head with this one. Just this past weekend I had a personal experience with this. I'm heavy into the salsa dancing scene in my town, and I noticed for the past several weeks, two of the three main black men on the scene have completely stopped speaking, and have actually started throwing mad shade. I finally asked one of them about it, and he immediately and LOUDLY tore into me about how he used to think I was beautiful until I started dancing with this one individual. He said he didn't like that I allowed him to "grind all over (me)" so he chose to just back off. I later learned, he'd even begun telling people I was sleeping with the guy in question.

      First of all, the guy he was referring to is my instructor and dance partner, so yes, our dancing is certainly more "personal" than my dancing with other men, but that's because I know he's not gonna try to go all "Man Down" on me when we leave the club! Plus, I pay that fool to make me look good, he better pull his best DWTS moves on me at every possibility!

      All the same it bothered me. I couldn't shake the icky feeling that people may have thought I was behaving hoetastically! I have a God (and a self) to represent so it had me illing for a minute. But when I went dancing this past weekend, I noticed the very same guy who was all too ready to rip me a new one was all over this white girl who makes rounds sitting on all the guys' laps, kissing them, throwing her legs around them in pictures, grinding and bending over while dancing, and wearing dresses that notoriously show the bottom of her cheeks when she even thinks about wiggling. So I started watching him interact with the women, and he was definitely MUCH more forgiving on the Becky's than he was with the sistas. I should also mention, one of my closest friends (and dance buddies) is a white girl- we've been dubbed 'The Twins'- who shares the same instructor and the same dancing relationship with said instructor. Mr. Offended has NO problem with her. He actually complimented how "sensual" she is O_o

      I wanted to get mad, but it really just hurt my feelings. There are literally maybe 10 blacks (AA's proper- i.e. not cuban, dominican, etc.) on the scene, and instead of protecting his "us" he goes out of his way to throw dirt. I won't say "all black men" do this- or anything else for that matter- but I can honestly say I've noticed a trend, and it sucks.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314632">

        Lyrically Inclined:

        “To put it in the simplest terms… white men treat even their jumpoffs better than brothas do. Most black men respond the way you do in saying why I gotta respect a ho.”

        Even if this generalization holds an ounce of truth in it, there is still no justification of hoes. Hoe behavior is bad behavior, and anyone who respects a hoe is validating that characteristic. Matter of fact, guys constantly using the mantra “we don’t luv dem hoes” is a good thing. Let the word continue to spread that females who get run through by all the boys in the block won’t get the respect the average female is getting. That “Captain-save-a-hoe” swag ain’t what’s up anymore.

        Then it is up to black men to lead by example and give direction… because more often than not this behavior is at your behest and these lost chicks are trying to get your attention.

        The problem is cyclical…

        If she acts like a hoe and you treat her like a hoe, she believes she is a hoe and not misguided… she will continue to act like a hoe.

        But if she acts like a hoe, and YOU behave like a gentleman and treat her like a lady and don’t take advantage of her hoe tendencies by keeping it moving… then you inspire

        And if enough brothas take this tact she will adjust her behavior or at least have an inkling that all men, brothas ain’t out to use her, that there are some good ones and if she cleans up her act she may get one.

        I’m not talking imposing your will in a Captian-Sav-A-Ho fashion to hope a chick changes because you are enabling bad behavior.

        I’m talking about black men standing up and modeling the benefits of behaving like a lady in the streets and reserving the freak for the sheets…

        Of a worthy brotha ~JS

  10. I've personally never seen this distinction in real life. It's usually that any woman who's loose with it is a ho, regardless of race.

  11. <blockquote cite="comment-314584">

    WUT:

    Because most black women are silly enough to take black mens opinions seriously. It’s not like it’s white men going about how black women are hoes, or white women. Why ask a question you know the answer to? Most black women don’t seem …so vicious really; or they’d be reminding us(black men) everyday of how worthless our opinions really in to society, and how basically NO ONE gives a crap, or has to care about what we think/say.. and not give a crap what we think of them. But they choose not to.

    They say they have had relationships with all the men they have slept with because its more likely to be true… the dude will agree that they are dating even though they may not be exclusive he will still call her his 'girlfriend'

    Because there is still a social expectation and standard that their peer group holds them to… to protect and provide… this is how they define themselves as men

    So even a jump off gets treated like a lady because he considers himself a gentleman… and while this line of thinking and behavior is not exclusive to non-black men, it is far more common and practice than with brothas.

    Real talk…

    Why do brothas want sistas to emulate behaviors that are not just more detrimental to their health and well being… but literally killing us~JS

  12. <blockquote cite="comment-314605">

    Jhane Sez: They say they have had relationships with all the men they have slept with because its more likely to be true… the dude will agree that they are dating even though they may not be exclusive he will still call her his ‘girlfriend’

    Because there is still a social expectation and standard that their peer group holds them to… to protect and provide… this is how they define themselves as men

    So even a jump off gets treated like a lady because he considers himself a gentleman… and while this line of thinking and behavior is not exclusive to non-black men, it is far more common and practice than with brothas.

    Real talk…

    Why do brothas want sistas to emulate behaviors that are not just more detrimental to their health and well being… but literally killing us~JS

    My bad… I meant to quote the following… but upon reflection I think it works for both

    "To go back to the original point, I believe that if you tell a Black girl she’s a hoe and you mean it, then she’s going to get upset and she’s going to be concerned with ending that reputation as soon as possible. A white girl probably considers all those guys she slept with to be her boyfriend in some form or fashion. I’ll just be honest, I have white female friends who will call a guy their boyfriend on the day they started sleeping with that man, meanwhile, I have Black female friends who have been sleeping with a man for eight years and they still not in a relationship. I watched a group of white girls talking about the men in their lives and one straight up called the other a hoe, her response, “I have had relationships with all the men I’ve been with.” I didn’t know how that was possible but it made some sense. The important takeaway was that she didn’t flip out and jump across the table with a butter knife."

    ~JS

  13. I get up for a potty break and this is what I see on my BB…… *Jawdrop* (TMI??) *shrug*

    I'll be back later on with my chaise lounge and some Starbucks — hoping to get some of Twisms (sp?) popcorn because this blog is going to be Pure Grease today!! *smh*

    #Yawn.

  14. "there’s a difference between a chick who f*cks mad dudes, and a chick who f*cks made dudes at the same time … now that’s a HOE.”

    i agree with this. my ex and i agreed early on not to share our "body count" – not because i was ashamed of my number, but because college is an environment where its easy to get carried away, and i shouldnt have to feel too bad about that. i don't know any girl thats had at least a bachelor's degree thats only slept with three guys before meeting you, even though that seems to be the magical number that most girls say. not say those chicks dont exist. they're just not in my circle of friends.

    but this whole, "we shouldnt take the phrase hoe so negatively" – i mean, why not? hoes arent respected, or cherished. some of them may be "winning" – but no one takes them seriously. idk about the rest of y'all but i'd rather be hillary clinton than kim k any day – i'd rather command respect than be judged by the strength of the muscles in my love canal.

    and not to put the onus on black men, but we can stop empowering that phrase when men stop using terms like that as a standard – and when the jumpoff vs. main b*tch culture stops being an accepted way to conduct liaisons. it's like when men say we should stop trying to make ourselves attain a more caucasian standard of beauty – well then, stop lusting after the black female stars of the world that embody that principle. #imjustsaying

    this does not apply to all men, of course.

    ultimately, women should not be doing anything (or anyone) that makes them comfortable with themselves. if that results in someone else providing with you a hoe status, so what? why do you need their approval? the key is being comfortable with yourself and the choices you make, and f*k the rest. that is one thing that i think white women have got down pat.

    in other news, my office just put up all these new filters bc we got new interns and they don't want them on FB and Twitter all day and now SBM is blocked for "Adult Content." I think the interweb gods think you guys are a pr0n site. i find this highly amusing.

  15. Honestly, I think one of the greater takeaways from the post today is the idea that words only have as much power as we let them. The usage of "hoe" is just one example, but there are a lot of other words and phrases that people react to. The people who don't let stuff like this get them riled up living happier and more tranquil lives. At least that's what I got from this.

  16. I'm glad I got up for this one… This going to be fun… I'm a keep it 100 with y'all as I always do…

    Conclusive Note: Black women will spend much of their lives trying to ensure that they are never associated with the word, “hoe”, “slut” or “jump-off”. Meanwhile, white women will spend more time worrying about being associated with, “wife”, “girlfriend” or “mother”. It’s the same affirmation that plagues people across many categorical lines, such as, gender, race, class, and education. When you allow insults to dominate your thoughts and change your actions rather than focusing on your goals and the long term person you hope to be, you put yourself at a disadvantage.

    HUGE point… bascially WW play to WIN! & BW play NOT TO LOSE!

    Focus on what you want & you'll get it… It works the same way with what you don't want…

    It is so f*cked up, because in my mind… A white h*e & black h*e is not the same… (to me, at least)… Being black & a wh*re is so much different from being white & a wh*re… It just is… I don't know why I was brainwashed to feel this way… But I do…

    I hold BW to higher standard than I do WW…

    (My friend behind me says "Adonis is selling his services to the highest white female bidder" pay no attention to him)

    Again, I am of the type that believes that if someone is doing something that is working, than swagger-jack like a mothafucker… Take what you like from that person, and throw away the rest…

    I believe that BW need to take a few pages out of the WW handbook…

    – Exercise

    – On Taking Compliments

    – On Swallowing

    – Good Pleasant Attitude

    – Knowing How To Pick & Keep Quality Men (Knowing How To Take a Back Seat To Qualified Leaderly Men)

    – Knowing How To Not Get Pregnant too early (although I am not a fan of 4-6 abortions homie, but w/e)

    – P*ssy Management

    Notice I didn't include perming & blonding your hair to look like them, or bleaching your skin… Beauty is not your issue… But pride, negative behaviors & a refusal to constantly improving your k is draft stock is… Stay Thirsty My Friends…

    ———————————————-

    PostScript: BTW, I read a eBook this weekend called “Free As$ Laundry”, by one of your writers… (I forgot who it was, but whatever…)

    Let’s just say my MTA train ride home was more fun that usual…

    Someone please enjoy it as much as I did… Or I will keep promoting it…

    Free Ass Laundry: http://www.mediafire.com/?4mpulj4rcbn1h31

  17. There's so much at play here worth addressing. Let's start with the question:

    "Why is it that a white girl can have sex with as many people that she wants, but if a Black girl does the same thing she’s labeled a hoe?"

    I think this is something black men do in college and in the first few years after college, but, it's not something I've seen black men in their late 20's and early 30's do. None of the men I know really spend too much time thinking about the sexual histories of the women they're dealing with. As long as she doesn't give him a reason to question her sexual history, it's not an issue. In college, particularly if you went to a PWI, we concern ourselves with this sort of thing because we're a small community within a small community. Based on your example, if a black girl slept with 20 black dudes in her time at a PWI, the percentage of the black population on campus she slept with is X. If a white girl sleeps with 20 guys in her time at a PWI the percentage of the white population on campus she's slept with is Y. X>Y that's why, on college campus, black men are concerned with such things. Once we've moved out into the larger society, I really don't see us focusing on that too much. Obviously, if there are egregious errs in a woman's past, they might come up, but if we're really just talking about body count – like the question suggests, most black men over the age of 28 don't really care. If you meet a woman after 28 and find yourself falling in love, most black men aren't gonna worry about how many guys she's slept with in the past. That's a younger man's game.

    Does this mean that there aren't differences in the way white folks view promiscuity and the way black folks view it? No, not really, but to be honest with you, I'm not deep enough into white culture to really make an accurate assessment – I'm totally fine with admitting that. It really doesn't interest me. If I had to guess, I would probably guess that as a people, black folks are more conservative in our opinions around sexual promiscuity, and there would be nothing wrong with that – if … if our men held ourselves to the same conservative standard we like to hold our women to. Again, I'm still guessing here, but, to me, the difference is not whether or not the women of each culture accept or reject the term – the difference is whether or not the men of each culture seek to apply it. If promiscuous white women ain't hoes it's probably because their men don't call them hoes. That's my guess.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314622">

      TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld:

      Again, I’m still guessing here, but, to me, the difference is not whether or not the women of each culture accept or reject the term – the difference is whether or not the men of each culture seek to apply it. If promiscuous white women ain’t hoes it’s probably because their men don’t call them hoes. That’s my guess.

      I want to make dinner for this for this whole comment… but especially this

      I mean kobe rib eyes and butter poach lobster with organic veggies picked by virgins… I'm talking shopping and cooking for 6 hours in 5 inch heels, La Perla lingerie and a fresh weave and makeup done by drag queen angels.

      Thank you for getting it and articulating the thought so beautifully~JS

        1. <blockquote cite="comment-314674">

          Streetz:

          Jhane but can you REALLY cook though? I mean you offerin and all…

          Sorry Im a lil hongry

          Yup… and I can even make my own pasta… lol

          But those skills ain't for everybody, I don't cook just to prove I can ~JS

    2. @TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld

      College is a fish bowl and black men can’t keep their mouth closed. Now boys or young men have this term called "Check her car fax" basically check her rep and see how many miles she has on her. Most men and women that roam the same circles, celebrities, and people from small towns and cities that never left throw this term around because everyone has slept with everyone.

    3. seriously, this was my comment. *applause*

      i rarely hear grown men speaking about women being hoes or not, unless their friend is about to "wife down" one they've personally slept with in wild college days or some equally potentially detrimental extreme. the conversation of why a white woman isn't a hoe and a black woman is doesn't really exist outside of the blog world. or at least in my world.

      a woman is only a hoe if someone labels her as such. i know plenty of women in undergrad who slept with half of the AUC, albeit discreetly, who are now happily married and upheld in the highest regard. even back then, this hoe conversation wasn't really prominent unless she was popping it on a handstand at the Que/Alpha/Kappa house and being recorded. lol.

      i also think it's kind of stupid that men (regardless of race, but black men especially) encourage said hoe activity and then dang near dehumanize the woman for doing exactly what they wanted. if men didn't like "hoes," there'd be far less.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314661">

        muze:

        … the conversation of why a white woman isn’t a hoe and a black woman is doesn’t really exist outside of the blog world. or at least in my world.

        i also think it’s kind of stupid that men (regardless of race, but black men especially) encourage said hoe activity and then dang near dehumanize the woman for doing exactly what they wanted. if men didn’t like “hoes,” there’d be far less.

        *shakes my tambourine and gets myself to whistlin*

  18. <blockquote cite="comment-314622">

    TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld: Again, I’m still guessing here, but, to me, the difference is not whether or not the women of each culture accept or reject the term – the difference is whether or not the men of each culture seek to apply it. If promiscuous white women ain’t hoes it’s probably because their men don’t call them hoes. That’s my guess.

    I agree with you and some other posters that lean this way.

    I would like to add that this is not new but a continuation of what has been true historically as well.

    Its called the "Jezebel Stereotype."

    Its the perception that when a Black women does something (like sleeping with guys, dancing, or as simple as walking around or posing half naked) it is perceived as oversexualized behavior, while White women can do the exact same thing and either not be noticed or still somehow be considered pure in general.

    So to answer the title of your post (and some one said this before), why White women can do the same thing Black women do, but still be cast in a more positive light (particularly by Black men) has everything to do with our history. And when you get down to the nitty-gritty, Black men have simply told me, "I don't know why I think this way."

    To add a quote: "The portrayal of Black women as lascivious by nature is an enduring stereotype. The descriptive words associated with this stereotype are singular in their focus: seductive, alluring, worldly, beguiling, tempting, and lewd. Historically, White women, as a category, were portrayed as models of self-respect, self-control, and modesty – even sexual purity, but Black women were often portrayed as innately promiscuous, even predatory. This depiction of Black women is signified by the name Jezebel."
    http://www.ferris.edu/jimcrow/jezebel/

  19. White girls are called whores; it just takes a different check list for them to be called hoes. I think sexuality in the white community (due to feminist movement and the 80's) has become more open with women sleeping with a wide number of men and not being deemed a hoe, especially in college were the hook up culture is very big. The black community seems to have this interest in pimp culture which teaches our men that women who openly express their sexually desires are below "hoes".

    Also during slavery black women were used the master just to reproduce babies and be the masters sex slave. So when black women finally did gain freedom and some control over their body; holding on to their virtue was deemed high amongst both black men and women.

    Plus the white man’s version of hoe is the word slut.

  20. <blockquote cite="comment-314632">

    Lyrically Inclined:

    “To put it in the simplest terms… white men treat even their jumpoffs better than brothas do. Most black men respond the way you do in saying why I gotta respect a ho.”

    Even if this generalization holds an ounce of truth in it, there is still no justification of hoes. Hoe behavior is bad behavior, and anyone who respects a hoe is validating that characteristic. Matter of fact, guys constantly using the mantra “we don’t luv dem hoes” is a good thing. Let the word continue to spread that females who get run through by all the boys in the block won’t get the respect the average female is getting. That “Captain-save-a-hoe” swag ain’t what’s up anymore.

    This is a fair enough response. But it still bothers me that Black men expect women to be damn near Virgin Mary status or else they're a 'hoe', but don't apply the same standards to themselves.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314635">

      Malik: This is a fair enough response. But it still bothers me that Black men expect women to be damn near Virgin Mary status or else they’re a ‘hoe’, but don’t apply the same standards to themselves.

      Black men who expect that are simply being disingenuous. I feel there's a difference between a s*xually-liberated lady and a hoe. Hoe behavior is a package itself—->Cheating, lying, gold-digging, attention-craving,etc. People can be s*xually-liberated without being outright nasty.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314652">

        Lyrically Inclined: Black men who expect that are simply being disingenuous. I feel there’s a difference between a s*xually-liberated lady and a hoe. Hoe behavior is a package itself—->Cheating, lying, gold-digging, attention-craving,etc. People can be s*xually-liberated without being outright nasty.

        Yes.. I think when most black man experience the word hoe the associate it with these things, personally most of the girls at my school that fall under the hoe label fall under one of these categories. A hoe is someone that lets their body be controlled by others a woman who is sexually liberated controls her own body.

        1. "A hoe is someone that lets their body be controlled by others a woman who is sexually liberated controls her own body."

          CORRECT!

  21. it has a lot to do with society's perception as well….one thing i noticed on campus was that the white girls could walk to class in those itty bitty shorts that say "play hard" or "xyz sorority" on the back and no one thinks twice….

    but if a black girl were to dress the same way she would be perceived as fast, hoe-ish, etc…

    i always tried to fight this b/c i fully support scantily clad black women AND higher education #bestofboth

    great post jay

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314638">

      Carver The Great:

      it has a lot to do with society’s perception as well….one thing i noticed on campus was that the white girls could walk to class in those itty bitty shorts that say “play hard” or “xyz sorority” on the back and no one thinks twice….

      but if a black girl were to dress the same way she would be perceived as fast, hoe-ish, etc…

      You bring up a great point. Black women and men have been painted as hypersexualized for sure.

      I will say though, the shorts example probably has a lil something to do with body type/attractiveness as well though. If a woman with a nice ass of any race wears short shorts, it's seen as overtly sexual, fast, hoe-ish, etc…because it's sexy and turns men on. If that @ss is flat or unattractive, those shorts tend to go unnoticed. There are plenty of tops that I can't wear or at least have to think twice about my perception when wearing just because I have substantial breasts, but a smaller or flat chested chick wouldn't get a second thought when wearing it. I have a girlfriend with a crazy coke bottle shape and she can't even wear a tshirt and Bermuda shorts without men catcalling like she's half naked. She's just plain sexy. It's her curse…could be worse, I guess.

      1. I totally agree with you!

        I have the same "curse" of big-breastedness, which I don't even notice 1/2 the time, b/c the only time in my life that I can remember not having large breastesses was in elementary school. It seems as if though they were always there, and I assumed all girls were like this. Until they were noticed, commented on, stared, and the worst: until I couldn't button a perfect button-down shirt in the booby-area –> tis the worse!

        I always envy small chested women who can look professional in a suit or button down shirt! I have to wear minimizer bras to make it work. Ugh!

        Because of this (combined with an ample backside), when I throw on whatever, I get commented on almost everyday about how I look, as if I deliberately walked out the house to get attn. Not the case at all. I wake up too late in the morns for all that.

        IT'S JUST A SHIRT AND JEANS SKIRT~~~omg!

        No matter what I wear, i can't hide these things. And men, oh men, no matter the age or race, show themselves and their characters, and it disgusts me! I get tested all the time to see how much I'll give up. I know they try to categorize me into that classification b/c of assets I can't hide.

        Yet, I respect myself and I abhor being thought of as a sex symbol, even by the PH.D and M.D profs at my med school…the Caucasian ones at that, which always make me wonder! (The way these "respectable" profs stare gives me the creeps…hence, I don't do office hours.)

        This has subconsciously made me place too much emphasis on my physical appearance, to the point where if I don't get noticed, I think something's wrong, even though I abhor it. I'm glad I realized this on my path to self-betterment, and I make sure that my character is what I lead with! It's a daily struggle, but it's worth it!

        1. LOL, until we're all Mystique and can shape shift depending on our moods, we'll never be happy. Remove the chesticals for a run, inflate them bad boys for a night out, grow the hair for an updo, rock it baldy on a hot day, adjust the @ss for the jeans instead of trying to squeeze into (or hold up, in my case *tears*) the hottest pair, role play with the hubby as Gwendolyn or Sophia for the night…aww, to be a shapeshifter! And everyone would have those washboard abs… *le sigh*

          One thing is very apparent…the grass thends to be greener on the other side. I'd kill for that coke bottle shape (and then I probably WOULD be a hoe! iJoke, iKeed <del>there's some honesty in that</del>)

          I feel you on the mixed feeling about compliments too, sure I wanna be seen as sexy…but not just sexy, and not by everaydammedbody, some people just creep ya out!

  22. Maybe we should all stop trying to foist our belief systems upon other people. Not calling them names when they don't conform to what we believe would probably be a good idea too.

  23. <blockquote cite="comment-314634">

    Jhane Sez: When I was too young I spent part of a summer in Italy.

    I am and always have been a beater and jeans type of chick, no make up with wild hair.

    But when I was in Italy the women were always dressed in dresses and skirts and high heels

    I didn’t get it at first… until I walked down the street

    The MEN treat the women like rock stars regardless of looks of social class… and with respect

    Imma need my church fan to testify

    Oh you are so beautiful because… fill in the blank… cause they can see it and if they can’t they find that which is beautiful in every woman

    Which is why their women make it a point to be fine

    It seemed that every man you met was on a personal mission to make every woman feel like an Italian sex goddess

    And the constant POSITIVE attention and flattery made you want to step your game

    I wore dresses and heels almost every day… I brought my first pair of stockings here because I didn’t want to disappoint

    I felt so alive, feminine and sexy because the men were so, so charming… making me feel special

    All sistas need to spend sometime in Europe

    Because there we are treated like white women are treated here… in America… by brothas like you

    Who only criticize instead of inspire

    Not realizing you are part of the problem~JS

    I have had similar experiences abroad in other countries! Its refreshing to say the least!

  24. <blockquote cite="comment-314635">

    Malik: This is a fair enough response. But it still bothers me that Black men expect women to be damn near Virgin Mary status or else they’re a ‘hoe’, but don’t apply the same standards to themselves.

    I'm generalizing, but for Black guys it seems:
    Girl is virgin status = you may be lying

    Girls been with a few guys = she lying…she really a hoe

    Girl has been with lot of guys = she a hoe, but at least she keep it real

    Girl is good in bed = she been with a lot of guys…she a hoe

    She likes sex = she a hoe

    She doesn't like sex = she's a prude, but I'd wife her and cheat with a hoe

    And no, none of these standards apply to themselves!

    Really there is no winning with this mentality. I say Black women seek out men (whether Black or not) that appreciate us for who we are whether sexually free or modest.

    1. LMBO. it's funny because it's true. it's sad because it's true.

      i think this is men with lesser minds though. i don't really come in contact with grown men who have familiarized themselves with the real world who think this way (or at least are mentally deficient enough to say it aloud).

  25. I don't have much to add to the topic at hand–just that I think there are many black women who associate their sexual partners with a relationship (just as you described in the post) as well.

    I'm learning alot from this post and the comments today. Thanks.

  26. I think there are are few reasons.

    1. Black women try to act more "holier than thou" in comparison…as if they don't get down like that or their p*ssy is made of gold. So when they're exposed, they're criticized harsher than other races of women. White chicks gets it IN with no remorse. Which also ties in to accepting your sexuality, and taking proper precautions (i.e. birth control). Brothers, how many of you have dealt with a woman who appeared bipolar……got it in LIKE A FREAK…..then had terrible remorse once the sessions was over????

    2. Black women would be a hoe, where as white women would be a slut. The difference? Generally, from my observation, white women get down because they WANT to……black women get down because they want to, but also because of who the guy is. For a black chick to get it in at the same level as a white girl, it wouldn't be with any random guy. It's the newest greek, starter on the team, Fortune 500 prospective….etc. Which is why they get called hoes.

    Just my observations.

  27. Also, if they have a problem with being labeled a hoe, how about refraining from hoe-ish activities?

    I never understood the train of thought that "being labeled something is WORSE than doing the activities that qualifies you for that label."

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314650">

      Rick:

      Also, if they have a problem with being labeled a hoe, how about refraining from hoe-ish activities?

      I never understood the train of thought that “being labeled something is WORSE than doing the activities that qualifies you for that label.”

      I get what you are saying…but that's too much like right nowadays. That would take away what some consider "fun" and "getting theirs"….smh.

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-314650">

      Rick:

      Also, if they have a problem with being labeled a hoe, how about refraining from hoe-ish activities?

      I never understood the train of thought that “being labeled something is WORSE than doing the activities that qualifies you for that label.”

      Homie i don't know why you got thumbs down but you speaking the truth right here.

  28. Its hot in here early …………

    Question though do men not like hoes? I mean I'm being facetious and I'm not. I mean I get the post and I concur with a lot of the arguments set forth but in my 30+ years on the planet the girls/women known as hoes always have men around them. The perpetual super stardom of the video hoe, the porn star hoe, I could go on…..

    If you are sleeping with the said hoe's ……….. ok nevermind I digress.

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314712">

        Dr. J:

        you ain’t peep that tho… casual cheeks is not marriage chex.

        of course not……… but then you have the "serial monogamist" who I think you referred to in your post…….. is she a hoe too?

    1. But y'all do. All day, everyday. The thing is, y'all are more likely to accept it if she's been discrete about it. because for realsies, if a hoe, hoes in the woods, does anybody hear her? No.

      1. This is why my wife will be from Alaska or Montana and have went to school in state. I won't know any Black people that know her and I won't "accidentally" find out her caboose was known for the Amtrak.

      2. <blockquote cite="comment-314666">

        Ms. Smart:

        .because for realsies, if a hoe, hoes in the woods, does anybody hear her?No.

        OMG I love it – I'm a crying laughing over here!

  29. <blockquote cite="comment-314661">

    muze: i also think it’s kind of stupid that men (regardless of race, but black men especially) encourage said hoe activity and then dang near dehumanize the woman for doing exactly what they wanted. if men didn’t like “hoes,” there’d be far less.

    Nuff said!

      1. <blockquote cite="comment-314686">

        Dr. J: yes! people give words power.

        I love it when the sista's come with the reason.

        Hands Down Man Down yall three are correct. I run trains and still would never kiss a girl who had one run on her. Sorry double standard can't help you. But you are right. And I will call myself out on that B.S. It is not logical, but logic wouldn't help me get past the images that float around my head. Damn let's just keep it all the way real, I'm insecure. Yeah I said it. Its b/c I'm insecure. Work with me though, b/c its not like I dont really care about you despite my discontent with the men in your past.

  30. Words are powerful. Perception gives words life, but can also change meanings of phrases, depending on your grasp of said perception. Facts are facts but opinion can strengthen or lessen the impact of facts.

    Peace Gods, check the mathematics.

    Some truth in that ramble. Find it and overstand

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-314676">

      Streetz:

      Words are powerful. Perception gives words life, but can also change meanings of phrases, depending on your grasp of said perception. Facts are facts but opinion can strengthen or lessen the impact of facts.

      Peace Gods, check the mathematics.

      Some truth in that ramble. Find it and overstand

      Damnn . . . That's some King Solomon/Socrates sh*t right there yo. I fux with this.

  31. Media makes thw hite womans sexual feedom look like the black women's whore house. For my generation the word hoe holds so much power in certain situations. No matter how much of a feminist you are when you turn on the tv and see a lady sitting there looking for the father of her 2 year old and she's tested 12 guys and none are the father, even the most sexually liberated women will look at the tv and go "she a hoe"

  32. <blockquote cite="comment-314670">

    Slim Jackson: I won’t know any Black people that know her and I won’t “accidentally” find out her caboose was known for the Amtrak.

    Eh. You know all Black people know each other right? If she can read, there's just three degrees of separation from me. If she pledged, the degrees go down to two. If she went to on of the higher end HBCU's, knock it down to three. And if she's lived in Detroit, Atl, Houston, Boston, NYC, Philly, LA, NO, Miami, she's probably my cousin. 🙂

  33. "Why is it that a white girl can have sex with as many people that she wants, but if a Black girl does the same thing she’s labeled a hoe?"

    So being labeled a hoe should not be considered bad? Hmmmmm…..Labels rarely stick and actually hurt unless the person labeled is actually participating in said activity. Being called a hoe by a hater that wants you is different than being called a hoe by a dude you had a threesome with. I think it depends on who its coming from and why you called one in the first place.

    IMO, being a hoe in and of itself IS BAD. I don't care about the who, what, when where and how. However, as with anything else it is a personal choice, so who am I to judge. What gets me upset are the men that praise and put all types of HOE ACTIVITY up on a pedestal for some women (mainly non-black women), and in the same breath would drop their black woman if she even Thought about doing 1/3 of the hoe activity (present or past).

    The black girl that is known as a hoe will continue to get effed by all types of dudes undercover while being dogged and the non-black girl participating in the same activities will be wifed and even flaunted by brothers. That is such a mixed message! It is no wonder why most of the girls getting out of high school have already worn out there poor lil nana's trying to fulfill this messed up hypocritical persona.

    No one is calling a woman a hoe for sh!ts and giggles. Let's face it, it is meant to defame! But it can only hurt if you are a hoe, however you define being a hoe internally…because that's varies as well. Doing things that you internally really abhor always create shame.

    I don't think we will ever fix the double standard issue. Black women will never be able to do the obscenities that other women do and still be put in high regard. Personally, I am thankful for this. That's what keeps our community from going str8 gutter! I hope that the nastiness of any person of our community will CONTINUE to be ostracized so that we all may be held accountable for our actions.

    I don't care what other women do, because let's face it, they truly don't care what we do. We put theses rules into play and for good reason. Hoe-ness needs to stay being a BAD THING! What good comes from it other than enabling men having their fill of a lost soul. The same lost soul that they will beat and talk trash about with their boys. Whether she's paid for it or not, can being a hoe fulfill a woman? Yeah, answer that!

      1. He's here sleeping…7 weeks old, 7 lbs 2 oz…looks like his daddy and lil sister. Last of the tribe! lol. I put a pic up soon….thanks for asking. How are you and the twins? I have 5 sets in my family and assisted in raising a set so trust me I get it…fun yet a lot to do right?

        1. Congratulations – I can't wait to see a tiny lil' pic of him. Does that mean he's an Aries like moi? The twins are great, and they are getting enormous. They'll be 6 months tomorrow. They're a ton of fun. Literally, lol.

        2. <3 Lovely to hear that all is well! <3

          *anxiously awaits the pic*

          *wishes that SBM had a photo gallery so the teensy pics could be bigger*

    1. to answer your question look within the post, plenty of hoes get married. there is a difference between a triflinf hoe and a regular hoe. to further expand, i think most men are hoes they basically eff anything that moves, but that don't make them trifling. like think about it, most of all of us have a few people we sleep with when single, not just one, as long as we're safe and not all around the place its good for the gander. once deception and betrayal start, that's when terms start to fly.

  34. "Why is the Black girl a hoe and not the White girl?" I don't know for certain, there's a lot that goes into it, including Black women's sexuality and the value of Black women in general. But I do know that certain Black men like shytting on Black women. It's a fetish for him, born of feelings of inadequacy and most likely a very small dyck. For that Black man, nothing a Black woman does will be good enough. I don't cater to that dude, never have and never will. Miss me with that.

    I've never met a grown Black man who has his own shyt together get off on sniffing out a hoe. Who is and who ain't a hoe. How can he get his hands on a hoe. How can he trick a hoe into giving him some tail without spending a dime. How easily can he get a hoe to 'smash the homies'. Is the woman he's attracted to a hoe. He doesn't think so, but what if she was once a hoe? How will he survive? Where's her carfax? Who knows her? That silly negro got hoe on the brain, and it's a sickness. Hoes are his friends, hoes are his enemies.

    This isn't a racial issue to me. This is an issue for immature men and the women who co-sign their every breath. White women get called names too. They get shunned too. But they get married because many White men see marriage as a part of growing up. There's a lot of Black men who don't. And of course we're always searching for a way to put the 'blame' for Black women not being married on the shoulders of Black women. So we try to distinguish a woman who is 'marriage material' from a women who is *clearly* not. Nobody will marry you, Shaquisha, because you're too fat/too loud/expect too much/expect too little/too many kids/too old with no kids. A hoe. Ain't it a shame you can't get away with what Becky gets away with. If anything, this post highlights the inadequacies of some Black men who can't step up to the plate with ANY woman. So hellbent on putting the blame on the woman that they can't begin to address their own shortcomings. Men who've never even gotten a whiff calling someone a hoe. Bammas so young in the mind they need a fresh Pull-up, running around calling women hoes. C'mon, son. What difference does it make if a man who is so immature that he's still calling women hoes….calls you a hoe?

    1. been a long time since I did this…

      Teflon,

      Explain why all the greats had side chicks. Based on your comment, then MLK wasn't a great man because he was still chasing tail. Does your comment hold still for people like Bill Clinton? I think we have so many great men who couldn't stop chasing tail. I think that we have to reevaluate our thoughts around the subject.

      1. Not speaking on behalf of Teflon…but theres a huge difference between chasing a sidepiece and having easy access/sidepieces chasing you. I assure you the Bill Clinton wasn't "chasing" Monica Lewinsky's @ss! And if MLK had "other women" i assure you he didn't have to chase them either. Also I highly doubt that Clinton and MLK spent nearly as much time as the typical no-count negro wondering who was and wasn't a "jump-off" and how to sniff them out. Im jus sayin

      2. I don't think it's the same thing at all. Cheaters aren't cool but I wouldn't compare a cheater with a grown man who gets his kicks from calling women hoes, whether he feels like they deserve it or not. A man doesn't have to cheat to do that. We expect a certain amount of tail chasing from men. But don't chase tail, catch it, then berate it for getting caught.

        1. @Teflon Temptress… I don't know how I missed your comments earlier but I just wanted to give you multiple finger snaps for all your comments above.

          I can remember being in a social group of young C level execs and entrepreneurs… the non black men were in their late 20's and early 30's and they were all married with kids or looking forward to having them.

          In contrast the brothas were in their late 30's and early 40's, saying that they weren't ready to settle down or hadn't met the right one yet

          They got much side eye and the brothas thought that it was because the white boys were hating when in actuality they were being viewed as being very immature.

          I think that they aren't looking toward the future and thinking about how their behaviors are being perceived beyond racism… which is real

          But one of the things that they don't consider is the fact that many lack… as do sistas… the social polish and understanding of cultural mores that keep them from winning

          And a lot of this has to do with immaturity

          Kudos sis, brava~JS

      1. *rings hands* OH LAWDY, WHAT IS I GONE DO? Who will want me now? Who will put a ring on it? Curse this hoe lifestyle!!!

        *wall slide*

        Here's a quick tip: I remember what I read. You don't. If'n you did you'd know I'm married. But by all means, continue to hold *not being married* over the head of any woman who dares defy your superior logic and reasoning skills. Here, let me pass some new tap shoes to the court jester of SBM. Keep dancing my friend.

        1. At least I know that you ish you say up here is a poor reflection of the real you…

          I hope all works well for you…

          And just because you were one of the special few that did get a ring… speaks well of you & ill of your fellow sisters…

  35. I'm sick so bare with me…

    How are you all really going to sit there and be like 'white women be like this, black women be like that'?

    THIS is the example of the social currency thingy someone mentioned weeks ago. This comes into play where those who label figure that the labeled have innately different perceptions of a label (based on race). Therefore the labelers use the labeling in the way THEY perceive the label-ees will take it based on their race. Doesn't that seem a bit strange to you? In all races, there are women that who won't smack you when called a garden tool. They may shrug. Then there are those who get offended.

    The use of this as a segue-way to imply you can determine's a woman outlook on sex based on race is by far ridic. This goes on the same bucket with those convos: "White women are freakier then black women" and "black women are more argumentative than white women".

    Let's talk about why there exists a notion in many male's minds of race-specific sexual behavior in reference to women. What does it do for a black man or white man to internalize the notion that white women and black women (within the same country) internalize/approach sexuality differently? Let's assume that white and black women are the same sexually (crazy notion right? I mean both are equally women), what could be the possible factors to drive such ideas that state a difference in the perception of those (women) who are labeled as "h*es" base on their race. Maybe it's not the women who look upon themselves differently, but rather the men you look upon the women differently due to their race? Isn't that at least a possibility?

    On the conclusive note, the author made clear that one's perception of a label could drive one's motivations. More concisely, not to allow your self to be dominated with the aversion to a negative label but be more motivated with the association of a positive label. And that labels are what you make it of it. Sound message, but not so much on the delivery since this is basically saying to random black women: that if someone calls you a garden tool, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. basically…

    Let's flip this and hope the meds don't cloud my thinking…

    Does there exist a difference in connotation when a man of one race refers to a women that shares his race verses a woman the does not? MY answer would be "no" since I don't think like that. But let's assume all "black" guys do. So there exists at least some black men that infer a different connotation for "black" women h*es than for "white" women h*es. There would be different imagery associated with the ideal "black h*e" then the ideal "white h*e" IN THE MIND of the labeling man. Given the working of the male mind, the imagery would include himself. Therefore, its true that the origination of the difference in connotation is the perceived interactions between the said male and the ideal form of women segregated by race or racial associated features. In the context of sexual conquest, those women who openly accept the "h*e" label will provide a PERCEIVED path of less resistance. The perception of such a path when there isn't one implies that the said man's approach and mental self-association is different in reference to women of different races. Therefore, there was a socialization that causes a rift in perception of humans of the female gender, though possessing the same physical and emotional attributes. The existence of the socialization manifests itself as a limit. Not limit as in "restriction" but more of a mathematical limit. Let there be a function f that maps a label, x in S (set of labels), to a perceived favorable reaction or internalization of the supplied label of white women and let a function g map x to a perceived unfavorable reaction to a label of black women. So, The author, says that it's true that lim (x in S) g(x) + C = lim (x in S) f(x). So g should equal f for all x with the application of a constant factor. Hence, in the perception of behavior differences, there should be a single item that would yield the author's desired result.

    The exercise for the reader is to prove that C is not a constant across values of x (various labels).

    HINT: Use the author's proposed solution to other labels see if it works. For example… "wifey" Is there a perceived difference in acceptance b/t black and white women? Is the adjustment of g equal to what has to be done in reference to "h*e"?

    Corollary: For free you'll begin to see that C is rather a function h that is a composition of f and g given our history.

    1. ok this is incredibly off topic but i just HAD to make sure i am not missing something…

      I absolutely loved where you were going by using a mathematical concept in your comment! Correct me if I'm wrong… but I started to feel like you might have meant inverse function instead of limit functions since you didnt state what x was approaching? Or perhaps that is just what I would have preferred and I'm reading incorrectly as a result – and it's late, but anyway…. it could have read (continuity being given)…

      the limit of f(x) as x approaches c in domain s would exist if and only if the lim f(x) = f(c). Where the exercise for the reader is, instead, to prove what x actually approaches as it approaches c or perhaps dismiss the argument altogether claiming discontinuity?

      Inverse functions, however, map one-to-one just as you said. upon integration they involve the constant, c, u referred to. And the BRILLIANCE in using that to convey your point is because the inverse of a function sort of… reverses the value of the original function…which speaks to everything I think this post was speaking to and I would have been extremely turned on had you made that point…. 🙂 and reading that would have received an immediate 'like' from me. 🙂

  36. I was gonna apologize for writing a dissertation up in here….but I notice the post has inspired many dissertations. Good food for thought, Dr. J.

  37. <blockquote cite="comment-314669">

    Smilez_920:

    Look at all of Tiger mistresses they were getting book deals modeling everything after playing the side hoe, Super head had to suck off the whole industry anddo porn to get a book deal and finally get paid.

    Also the way women deal with the word hoe and side hoes lets men know how to deal with it. Tigers wife got mad at him and dragged him throught the mud, when swiss beats cheated on mashonda she tried to take Alicia Keys down the dirt rode as well. Same thing with shaq’s wife.

    When white husbands cheat their wives blame it on them when black men cheat most not all black women blame it on all the hoes out there that can’t get their own man. This takes the blame off the man’s hoe activities and putting it all on the other women. (at least from what I have seen)

    Tiger's wife actually said absolutely nothing about him throughout the entire ordeal.

  38. The idea that a woman, any woman, would take the term "ho" as a badge of honor is a sad one, regardless of her ethnicity. The whole movement of redefining promiscuity as a sign of sexual freedom is old and tired, and dangerous to boot. When I meet people like that in clinic, I don't hesitate to educate them on the MANY risks of their behavior. That ideology or form of behavior is NOT something to be emulated.

    I'm also surprised at how you completely failed to acknowledge the elephant in the room, AKA the hypersexualization of black women historically and currently… like that has nothing to do with the double standard that is being discussed.

    Also, the idea that being insulted at being described a hoe is a function of class, education, or achievement in life is a silly one. I think that women who are more accomplished, AKA have more to lose would hold their reputation in regard than a women with less to lose.

  39. <blockquote cite="comment-314624">

    Lyrically Inclined: You got any facts to back you up dude? Or are you just testing your trolling skills?…smh

    Before I go in… Let quote my new mentor…

    I really can’t wait until the day someone gets punched in the mouth for talking slick. It’s going to

    happen. Artists are some sensitive ass people so it’s bound to happen. I can see it now, a blogger

    extends his hand for dap and gets punched in the nose. Oh the excitement!

    "When Did Blogging Become Friends with the Rap Game?" by Dr. J From 17 & K Street

    I hope I am the dude that gets punch in the face for saying some slick sh*t…

    Lyrically, Seriously, don't you ever again in your blogging career imply that I am some kind of troll…

    Despite the fact that I can be antagonistic & belligerent… I make solid points…

    The point that you were referring to when I said WW are better at being women than BW still stands… And I see a whole bunch of dislikes, & no solid rebuttals…

    I am not here for handclaps… I'm just reminding BW that they are a large contribution to Interracial Dating In America (I gotta go watch that movie BTW…), and if they need to make some drastic improvements, if they want anybody to share a bed with them… White men included….

    1. Man watching you post your random comments is almost sad. You occasionally make valid points but the other times you sound like the bitter black women you claim to be trying to inform. You can have your preference of fat white women but the path of destruction you are leaving with all the women you are involved with is causing more harm than good, all because one woman dicked you over in the past. How are you any different than those you so anxiously belittle?

      Just because you may not be looking for a relationship doesn't give you the authority to attempt to bring everyone else into your misery filed reality. Look we all have been hurt. But instead of wallowing in the pain our testicles and ovaries dropped and we kept on with our lives.

      1. Get off my thread Animate if you not going to address my points…

        I got this…

        I prefer dislikes than your poor attempt at sympathy…

        I know what I am talking about… And even if want to deflect… My points still stand…

      2. Oh, the difference between me & the Bitter Black Women who will die alone, is my willingness to adjust to my environment…

        It is really that simple… But my points do have an edge to them… But there are still solid…

    2. <blockquote cite="comment-314710">

      Adonis: Before I go in… Let quote my new mentor…

      I really can’t wait until the day someone gets punched in the mouth for talking slick. It’s going to

      happen. Artists are some sensitive ass people so it’s bound to happen. I can see it now, a blogger

      extends his hand for dap and gets punched in the nose. Oh the excitement!

      “When Did Blogging Become Friends with the Rap Game?” by Dr. J From 17 & K Street

      I hope I am the dude that gets punch in the face for saying some slick sh*t…

      Lyrically, Seriously, don’t you ever again in your blogging career imply that I am some kind of troll…

      Despite the fact that I can be antagonistic & belligerent… I make solid points…

      The point that you were referring to when I said WW are better at being women than BW still stands… And I see a whole bunch of dislikes, & no solid rebuttals…

      I am not here for handclaps… I’m just reminding BW that they are a large contribution to Interracial Dating In America (I gotta go watch that movie BTW…), and if they need to make some drastic improvements, if they want anybody to share a bed with them… White men included….

      Dude, You still haven't backed up your statement with facts. You just rambling about sh*t. And quit with that e-thuggin': You acted like a troll and so imma call you one. It's not an insult so brush off that sand in your v*gina and either back up your earlier statement or keep it moving. This will be my last reply to you…

      1. Please, because you are talkin' nonsense…

        Now, although femininity is hard to quantify in statistical numbers… Speaking from my experience, my eyes is all I need… Any alert OG BM can tell you that the BW out here, maybe women in general, are less feminine these days… But when I see WW interact & BW interact… I see more woman in WW in general than BW…

        More ready to play a support role to a man (WW), versus trying pull rank on a man (BW)

        If you refuse to see the obvious, I'm cool with it… But it still there…

  40. <blockquote cite="comment-314634">

    Jhane Sez: When I was too young I spent part of a summer in Italy.I am and always have been a beater and jeans type of chick, no make up with wild hair.But when I was in Italy the women were always dressed in dresses and skirts and high heelsI didn’t get it at first… until I walked down the streetThe MEN treat the women like rock stars regardless of looks of social class… and with respectImma need my church fan to testifyOh you are so beautiful because… fill in the blank… cause they can see it and if they can’t they find that which is beautiful in every womanWhich is why their women make it a point to be fineIt seemed that every man you met was on a personal mission to make every woman feel like an Italian sex goddess And the constant POSITIVE attention and flattery made you want to step your game I wore dresses and heels almost every day… I brought my first pair of stockings here because I didn’t want to disappointI felt so alive, feminine and sexy because the men were so, so charming… making me feel specialAll sistas need to spend sometime in EuropeBecause there we are treated like white women are treated here… in America… by brothas like youWho only criticize instead of inspire Not realizing you are part of the problem~JS

    This is going to be a long day…

    @Jhane

    Personally, I am so happy to have you here commenting, even though I am about to rip your comments to shreds… I really dig your writing… & the fact that you be looking WILD in public (If I can handle a woman at her worst, I will LOVE her looking all manicured…)

    Now, I like the way Italian men compliment their women… That is fantastic, in & of itself…

    But if Italy makes you feel so warm inside, you need to live there, & go get your family life crackin'…

    I think you forgot to mention how Italian women treat there men well… Whereas good-hearted BM get the shaft in America…

    They probably are well domesticated, well behaved, & know how to play their role in society…

    Oh, and their family structure might be more solid than ours…

    And while we are on Italians… Whatever they put in the water in Italy, they need to pollute the water in American… Because if you ever look at police brutality in the Black Community… If you look at the last names of the cops involved… They more often than not, seem to have an Italian last name…

    I mean, I love my White Women, but I keep 'em on a short leash…

    Just keep commenting with your poetic swag… And I'll be wavy…

    And to stand on your last point… The way to inspire feminine behavior is phrase… But she has to feminine in the first place… To get that praise…

    1. Lawdamercy….you know, I don't usually reply to any of your comments because I try not to converse with cat-scat crazy, but I've got to say something about this:

      "Personally, I am so happy to have you here commenting, even though I am about to rip your comments to shreds"

      Boy you couldn't rip wet Charmin in shreds. lol! Please sat yo wannabe cocky azz down somewhere. I'ma dust off Cheekz old corner stool just for you.

  41. <blockquote cite="comment-314692">

    CHeeKZ: i think you are both right. to be honest 2520 probably do treat jump offs better, I know I treat people terribly. I will ackowledge that, give you a thumbs up and try to do better. But like Lyric said that isn’t a bad thing. We are talking about SMUTS. These actions should be looked down at. Hoes like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton have become house hold names b/c of 2520, that is not something to look up to. Not everything 2520s do is a good thingYou want to talk about the way Europeans treat women. You do realize seeing women are merely as chex object isn’t the best way to bring equal rights and leads to things like high rape cases. Again everything 2520s do is not better. and real talk, strangers advances on the street should NEVER validate an individual. Those are not compliments, its really a shame and almost sad that so many women, even my girl, take them positively.

    Cheekie, I enjoyed this post… But I guess because I am not a big fan of the whole equal rights thing (actually I am cool with either)…

    I disagree with you on the strength that women should not be praised for having wonderful body parts…

    Cause if men all of sudden stopped paying attention to your beauty… And told you I am only with you for your mind… I think you would be offended…

    So, as a collective, the sexual assaults on women need to come to a screeching halt,

    But please don't take away my right to tell you that you have some nice big girl titties & some nice cheeks 😀

        1. How you gonna dislike the man simply saying "my bad"? *smh* Lawd, folks got a brave "dislike" finger…

          …as this comment gets hidden from a flurry of dislikes

        2. MM-hmmm 'Rita. I see 2 dislikes (wudn't me). I see comments from you and Kema…I smell a conspiracy, lol. Somebody disliked my comment the other day and I didn't type anything off the wall. I just chalk that ish up to a slip of the finger. Wait, that sounds nasty.

        3. lol, I got a heavy "like" hand, but my "dislike" finger is shy like a mug…I like the function, but I mean, almost every one of Adonis's statements have 2 dislikes (one person: one phone, one computer is my guess). He cosigned a post that had like 38 likes with a "this comment is #Bawse" and got a dislike (-_-) c'mon now…he says plenty off the wall ish, get him for that (like YOU do TT)! Hate for the sake of hate is just weak. Even a broke clock is wrong twice a day…

          By the by, I just LURVE that you call me 'Rita 🙂

  42. Honestly though…..(-____-) this sounds like the same argument white people use about the N word. "why do Black people give it so much power." just like you wouldn't want a white person calling you nigga (I presume), even if you KNOW you don't embody what a nigga is, it's just not cool. I'm not gonna get all crazy about it, but it IS offensive. There's nothing positive or worth embracing about being called a whore. Next time some white person calls you a nig*** I hope your girl turns and says "babe, it's just a word and it only holds as much power as you let it!". Lol.

  43. Meh. It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. And after awhile, this all becomes a pointless conversation because hoedom is relative and becomes difficult to measure. One person's hoeish behavior, is another person's Tuesday night. Having said all that, I would guess that most women do avoid the hoe label because it haunts you like no other – I'm 12 years out of high school and to this day if you mention a certain chick's name, it's immediately followed by oh yeah I remember that hoe. Really?!?! That's unfortunate. Who knows what she's doing with her life right now or if she found Jesus or got wifed up – but she will probably never show her face at a class reunion.

  44. <blockquote cite="comment-314743">

    Kema: wasnt me! I only dislike his comments that deserve it. lol! but hey I got a dislike too.

    Dislikes are validation (also means that "Adonis, I didn't like the way you said that, but you right tho")

    So, thanks to the immortal SFG… I will wear my red proudly…

    1. No, it doesn't Adonis.

      It means, you're abrasive and even if you do have a valid point (which you rarely do) people will never hear it or take it seriously because you've turned them all the way off of you. It's exhausting and I don't know how you ever plan to grow utilizing this current path. What happened to your "willingness to adjust to [your] environment"? Some reds come with the territory, haters are real and not everyone will always agree with you, even if you are right, but look at your record. Maybe you need a new game plan.

      I sincerely hope that you're seeing someone professionally.

      1. "i sincerely hope that you’re seeing someone professionally."

        Guuurrrl…you took the words right out of my fingertips. Delusions of grandeur are a sign of mental illness. I swear he's Chocolate Drop's cousin sometimes. Now THAT hoe was crazy.

        1. For a smart woman, you are still asleep… Just stay tuned…

          Thanks for the inspiration…

      2. Stay the course! But I like my gameplan…

        I rather be right, then liked… And if you agree with me, there is nothing to talk about…

        I do this for kicks… Very little will change with the sisters with me tellin' them how much they succ as a collective…

        When I stop enjoying the ride… I will get off…

        Thanks for the advice & the defense…

        Goodnight…

  45. <blockquote cite="comment-314752">

    CHeeKZ:

    WHAT THE HELL,

    NEGRO SAY PAUSE!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fp0nzmagzdU

    Pause… Thanks for rightly putting me in my place…

    And for the record, nice @$$ (on women) get hard Peen.They don’t get respect.Mothers get respect. PHDs get respect.Girls who make 6 figures.With good taste in music and a sense of humor.

  46. I honestly wasn't offended by the article. IMO his point of view was clear, and I honestly thought it was ALMOST constructive criticism. We as black women get HIGHLY offended over everything…and from reading the comments some of you neeeddddd to lighten up…just a bit

    1. So, we get called hoes because we get worked up over being called a hoe and white girls get a pass because the term hoe doesn't offend them??? That makes sense to you???

  47. Let me first say that I can respect everyone's opinion on this topic here, but in my own opinion a "BLACK WOMAN JUST LIKE ANY OTHER RACE OF WOMAN CAN LAY UP WITH WHOMEVER THEY PLEASE, AS LONG AS THEY'RE SINGLE, AND THEY PROTECT THEMSELVES."

    It's not my place to refer to any race of woman as a "HOE" because she's not my mother, wife, girlfriend, or associate so for me to look at any female as a "HOE" just because she's able to enjoy herself sexually with the men she knows, is really not my concern nor will I make it my concern.

    We as "BLACK MEN" should look in our own mirrors before we decide to lay up with a woman who loves to have multiple sex partners like many of us "BLACK MEN" do. I will always say this to anyone who's listening concerning this topic "IF YOU DON'T WANT SOMEONE CALLING YOUR MOTHER, SISTER, OR FEMALE FRIEND A HOE DON'T CALL SOMEONE ELSE'S ONE."

    I myself have no interest in referring to woman as "HOES OR BITCHES" because they respectable have names, regardless of their sexual history, and even if I don't know these women's real names, I will not be calling them disrespectful ones such as these.

  48. CORRECTION TO MY FIRST POST HERE:

    Let me first say that I can respect everyone’s opinion on this topic here, but in my own opinion a “BLACK WOMAN JUST LIKE ANY OTHER RACE OF WOMAN CAN LAY UP WITH WHOMEVER SHE PLEASES, AS LONG AS SHE'S SINGLE, AND SHE PROTECTS HERSELF.”

    It’s not my place to refer to any race of woman as a “HOE” because she’s not my mother, wife, girlfriend, or associate so for me to look at any female as a “HOE” just because she’s able to enjoy herself sexually with the men she knows, is really not my concern nor will I make it my concern.

    We as “BLACK MEN” should look in our own mirrors before we decide to lay up with a woman who loves to have multiple sex partners like many of us “BLACK MEN” do. I will always say this to anyone who’s listening concerning this topic “IF YOU DON’T WANT SOMEONE CALLING YOUR MOTHER, SISTER, OR FEMALE FRIEND A HOE DON’T CALL SOMEONE ELSE’S ONE.”

    I myself have no interest in referring to women as “HOES NOR BITCHES” because they have respectable names, regardless of their sexual history with the men they may know or may not know that well, and even if I don’t know these women’s real names, I will not be calling them disrespectful ones such as "HOE NOR BITCH."

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