Home Dating & Relationships Dating I’m just saying, you can do better…

I’m just saying, you can do better…

I gotta make that call...

Around this time last week, Drake dropped a new track that may end up on his upcoming LP Take Care called Marvin’s Room. The song is Mixtape Drizzy at his finest, depicting a classic situation in which many dudes have found themselves – drunk dialing an ex to express repressed feelings of regret and defiance. For reference purposes (and because its hella DOPE), check out my dude Lowkey’s breakdown of what Marvin’s Room really means. For those who haven’t heard it, this is an excellent translation to the song.

Now as I listened to the song, I could hear the hurt in Drake’s voice as he spoke from the perspective of a dude who’s been drinking, and going through his phone. He look s at numbers of former lovers. Lovers he may have done wrong. Lovers with whom the relationship didn’t work. Lovers who now have move onto alleged greener pastures. He gets the urge to call, and we all know when the Henny’s in the system, aint no tellin what you can do. He calls and makes a bold proclamation to his former lover that we, in similar positions, may have thought, but never spoke aloud:

“I’m just sayin, you could do better…”

Have I felt like this before? Plenty of times. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. The difference is, I wouldn’t speak these words , or ever give a former significant other the satisfaction of hearing me argue this point. I’m an extremely prideful person, and while pride may be one of seven deadly sins, it’s a sin I on which I predicate my movements.  No matter how inebriated or sorrowful, I never scratched the itch to make that fateful call. My rationale? Why?! That’s the best way to explain it…

See Also:  Would You Recommend Your Ex To His New Girlfriend?

Why call up a woman who I’m no longer involved with, who now is booed up, to rain on their parade? To prove to them that they still love me? To give a thesis argument on why the dude she’s with now will never measure up to me? To play chess with her emotions as I calculate 7 moves ahead, devising a strategy to bend and break her will until she finally slips up, admit unresolved feelings, as I declare “checkmate”? Seriously, what is it worth at the end of the day? For all the exhilaration you may get to still see that she thinks about you, still loves you, wishes things happened differently, you lose face and self respect. We all win and lose in relationships, and in life. Losing only lingers when you don’t learn the lessons it teaches. You think LeBron will call up Dirk  months later to ask him if he still thinks about game 6?

Think about it on the flipside: what if s/he doesn’t give you the reaction you thought you’d get? You ever have an ex do you dirty, then try to “touch base” months later to “talk”? They hit you with the ultimate G. They ask why you can’t be friends anymore. They bring up the good times. They try to swindle you out of remembering that while you were together, she was getting her back chiropracted by other dudes, and puts your faults at the forefront. They look at your every reaction, verbal and non-verbal, to see if they get THAT reaction. If they get you to come back home and reconcile on their terms. You open your mouth, and as they think to themselves “Victory is mine!!” in their best Stewy Griffin voice, you speak, and you COOK them! You let them know that their actions and life are bottom! You inform them that their words mean nothing and that you are good (whether you are or not). You offer them no satisfaction and you inform them that whatever they sought from you won’t be found. Not today. Not ever. So now, as you pick up your face, sober up, and realize your soul is in shambles, you wonder to yourself “was it REALLY worth it?”.

See Also:  Does Hip Hop Ruin Black America's Spotlight?

Resist the urge to drunk or emotionally dial. Keep your phone away from you. Activiate the beer goggles option on Gmail. Something! I may have a lot of pride, and it may hurt me at times, but it protects me in many instances.  My love of self, and fear of looking stupid in any situation, prevents me from the ominous calls of “FCK that new dude you know we have something special”.  Maybe they can do better. Maybe they’re doing better now. Maybe, some questions are better left unasked.




P.S. This is the last week to vote for SBM in the Black Weblog Awards. We made it in 5 categories and need your support! Best Post Series, Best Group, Best Sex & Relationship, Best Design, and Blog of the Year. You can vote here.


  1. Well this came right on time. I'm giddily happy with my new guy, haven't had so much as a passing thought about the old one in ages, and as I was closing my store yesterday, I walked around the corner and saw him parked directly in front of the door. *Stalker Alert* I went out to speak bc he had his daughter in the car, who loves me and hates his current chick, and as I was walking off he asked, "So how long is this new guy gonna last? I'm gonna have to give him a run for his money, my daughter likes u…" *Blankstare* I continued to walk and called over my shoulder, "She liked me when we were together. That's not news…" He couldn't do anything but tuck tail and retreat.

    I hate when ppl do that. Leave well enough alone. Great post, and I love this blog, but this is my first time commenting.

  2. So apt timing wise Street. I was on drunk redial last night. But I wasn't running interference or nothing. Just touching base with some old unfinished business. She basically put her hear on a plate and offered it to me and I walked away in a not very chivalry way. Not am trying to go back there and she s extra cautious. She's not the one that got away, more like the one I didn't give a chance. Fast forward a few years and the shoe is on the other foot, it's me trying to go back there .

    The door never finally shuts. It can't . Not unless there's some bad blood under the bridge.

    If am gonna win her back it's only cos am gonna be a better man. If she had someone i wouldn't bother, but she single.

  3. Although I've never made a call like that, Streetz, I have had the "sudden" epiphany that many people have of, "Yeah, you let a 'good one' get away".

    I'm going thru that reflective period right now (sans alcohol). My situation is somewhat similar to what you wrote. It also shows how my own pride robbed me of one of the best relationships that I've ever had. 

    I'll share a little of the story with you. 

    There's this young lady that I'm 97.99% positive that she was "the one". (The other 2.1% I'm gonna hold on to for safe keeping.) She was the first girlfriend that I had that I REALLY let get "close" to me. 

    And when I say that, I mean that we became friends. That may sound strange, but what I mean is that our relationship was based on friendship.

    I enjoyed spending time with her…being with her. We didn't have that bf/gf dynamic that sometimes make couples jockey for power in their relationship. 

    Anyway, the young lady and I came to a crossroads in our relationship where it was either we were going to move forward together, or let things go. She had come to visit me (she had recently relocated because of a new job) and we were having "the talk". 

    She wanted more, and I was comfortable with what we had. She was reaching out, and I started pulling away. She was telling me how she felt, and I was only hearing what I wanted to hear.

    As the conversation progressed, she became more and more frustrated. She started saying some things she had been holding in for some time.

    Now, here is where my pride came raging in. 

    She said something to me that was ABSOLUTELY true about a character defect that I had, and it cut me like a knife. (Mainly because it was the truth, PLUS she gave some GOOD examples!)

    It hurt, but it needed to be said. I needed to hear it!

    However, in my pride, I totally shut down. I withdrew. The conversation was done. And in my eyes, so was the relationship. 

    She left my apartment and it was over. We had one more brief conversation after that, but my pride wouldn't let me do what I knew was right: ask for forgiveness.

    Through the years I've regretted that decision. 

    I look back and wonder what could have been. She's been "the standard" that everyone else is compared.

    We recently reconnected thru Facebook and have been getting reacquainted. 

    I was a little hesitant because I still feel like she deserved more from me than what I gave. (It's interesting to me that even though it has been many moons since we last talked, that underlying friendship that I mentioned earlier is still there!)

    She recently told me about a guy that asked her out on a date, and she asked me for some advice. (It's been 7 years she's been on one…marriage…a child…divorce.)

    I almost hit her with the "You can do better…", but I didn't. I told her that she should go, have a good time, and enjoy herself. (She did.)

    I'm now debating with myself whether or not I should finally tell her what I should have told her back then. Not to try and get back together, but because I think she deserves to know how much she meant to me.

    Keeping one's self-respect is important. It's essential. However, a person's pride can cause them to lose out on a lot more than they may realize at the time. 

    I learned my lesson. (And I corrected that character defect too.)

    1. * walks over to you, grabs your cell phone from your hip, & hands it to you *

      Call her and man up. Don't let pride set you up twice…and this is coming from someone with MAJOR pride issues. But, I'm really trying to work through them and accept that being vulnerable sometimes is a part of life. Hurt, pain, disappointment, rejection, guilt…these feelings are all a part of life. Never make decisions based off of assumptions…or as a means to avoid one of the aforementioned feelings. You'll never know how she's feeling about it until you confront her with this.

      You can do this. Call her…then come back and tell us how it went, lol. j/k

    2. I've been down this road more times than I can count. My ex and I were together for five years. We were almost married and almost had children together. For three years after we broke up I held on to so much regret and hurt feelings – those "what-ifs" always looming in the back of my head. I, too, compared the men I dated to him for those years until I met my husband.

      Maybe what I did will help you. My husband and I came to the point where you decide to date one another exclusively. My ex and I were still friends but I was no fool. I knew my husband was a good man and I did not want to let him go. However, my ex was still looming in the background. So, I called the ex and laid everything out. I explained why it didn't work the first time, how I felt all those years and what I thought we could have. Needless to say, that conversation didn't go well and some time later I married my husband. My point is: what are you losing by telling her your feelings? She's either going to give you the we're better off as friends speech or she'll fess up to own feelings and reciprocate. If she's not feeling you like that, then you need to drop it and let it go. Leave the past right where it is and move on. It's been seven years since you were together. Some things were just not meant to be. Besides, if she's your "standard" for other women then no one will ever measure up.

    3. I've had this situation happen and feel this exact same way about at least 1 – 3 women in my past. The difference is, I think everything happens for a reason and the past is the past. Plus, my pride prevents me from calling them. Hell, they know how to reach me too.

      *takes my pride by the hand and walks off into the sunset*

    4. <blockquote cite="comment-315435">

      UrbanMecca: Keeping one’s self-respect is important. It’s essential. However, a person’s pride can cause them to lose out on a lot more than they may realize at the time.

      I learned my lesson. (And I corrected that character defect too.)

      This is crucial. It goes for everything in life.

  4. I know that my pride would not allow me to do that at this point. Plus deep down I want to be that woman that you compare all others to. In my heart I really don't want you to upgrade, especially the guys that did me dirty. I do have a childhood friend who just got married, and I wanted to say something. But then I realize that I have to trust that he made the best decision for him, and it's not my place to judge. I just pray that he doesn't get hurt because he is one of the good guys and he deserves to be happy.

  5. This is a common theme in songs, though I can honestly say only R&B songs come to mind right now (e.g. Babyface's What if and Ne-Yo's Do You). I think it's perfectly normal for everyone to reflect back and wonder what would/could have been if they dodged instead of weaved or zigged instead of zagged. Whether it be career, family, or relationship choices, we always wonder about what life would have been if we took the road not traveled.

    BUT, with that in mind… I, like you, would NOT ever call someone (well after the fact, no less) and say "you could do better." To be tempted is not to sin, but acting on it is the problem. I've looked through my contacts list in my phone and wondered about a few people, and thankfully I can handle my alcohol so the urge to call has never been strong enough to act.

    Overall I feel that if someone does this (or when people do this is probably more apt), if it's really the noble, self-depricating, make-my-ex-know-I-understand-I-was-wrong move they project it to be, or if it's just a selfish guilt-cleansing I-just-want-to-make-myself-feel-better move. What's their true intent?

  6. You ever have an ex do you dirty, then try to “touch base” months later to “talk”? They hit you with the ultimate G. They ask why you can’t be friends anymore. They bring up the good times. They try to swindle you out of remembering that while you were together, she was getting her back chiropracted by other dudes, and puts your faults at the forefront.

    I've totally experienced this and it makes me ask why do women/men do this?

    I mean you won. You got over. Why reach back? And the "be friends" thing kills me too. You want to hang out with me? Fall through the crib and kick it sometimes? Thats what friends do. You know you don't want that so don't front. I guess my confusion is why you want to have something to do with the person you sh**ted on. Obviously you dont care about that person or you wouldnt put the other persons faults at the forefront when YOU call to apologize. I think that the drunk calling, apologizing way after the fact, etc. is selfish and the people that do it don't really want to make amends they just feel bad about what they did and still don't have the b**ls to be real about it. Thats why they call drunk or blame you for their actions. Its more about them feeling better about themselves. Their pride and ego is always comes 1st.

    1. "I’ve totally experienced this and it makes me ask why do women/men do this?"

      Sometimes it's not always about that person who did you duurty trying to open up closed wounds, or trying to get back-in for a little while — sometimes that person generally is sorry for what went down between you two and she wants you to absolve her of her guilt and except her apology in hopes of maybe being just friends one day or at least cordial and no longer hating me and telling me how I treated you like a kid with a new shiny toy, played with you for a little while until I got bored and tossed you aside and……. WAIT, what was the question again? #EndRant

      Oh Yeah, sometimes people are just generally sorry.

        1. THIS!!! (I'm randomly hopping around the site and I know this may not be seen but I gotta say…) Streetz you stepped up in my head, took a seat on the couch, grabbed the remote and got comfortable for REAL!! That's how I am. You can apologize if you feel that need. I'll accept it (because I've most likely already let it go for my own sake anyway) BUT….please miss me with the whole let's be friends/ Mary J Blige REMINISCE / "do you ever wonder" game. I don't want to sit and rehash old times with you suga, that is not my cup of tea. In all my years (I'll be 30 next month) I have never ever EVER been able to "get that old thing back" Oh, I've jumped off with exes who wanted to try but they end up hurt because I never see you the same. It's like being nostalgic about certain parts of your youth. Nice to think of but really, who wants to go back and relive all that mess?!

  7. mayne…

    for some reason, this has happened in every relationship i've been in, whether i was single or not after the fact. exes used to love getting emo and calling or texting my phone proclaiming some crap that they should have while it mattered. i am the one who will give a stone-faced cold, short reply in response to a five minute ramble about us being meant to be. nah playa. i'm too prideful to even think about going back, and i'm definitely not trying to reminisce about feelings past. i'm a very understanding person, so odds are, if we're broken up, i gave you several chances, warnings, "talks" and passes before we reached that point. so again, nah playa. and this whole ex drunk calling thing once caused an argument with the new person i was dating at the time. and that made me even more frustrated at said ex and his having to express himself.

    i think it's incredibly selfish, sober or not, to KNOW someone is happily moving on and still call and disrupt their lifespace on some "please take me back." unless it was some epic love and you just simply can't breathe without her, either wait until she's single (bc after all, if he will never measure up to you, will they last?) or get over it and let her be happy. this is why i have never made that call to an ex, even if i know i owe him an apology. if he's happy and i hurt him, why even revisit that and potentially cause drama to him or myself (via his gf) over me rehashing intimate details and apologies never said that ultimately don't matter anymore? it's disrespectful to the new woman, to him, and myself. nope. no way. nada.

    good post.

  8. Today is one of those days that many people will lie to save image. For some strange reason I just don't believe a lot of people will come clean, but I will say this much. I have broken some hearts before, not maliciously, but it happens. Women are not above tears or asking why. Neither are they above telling you that they think the woman you are dating now will never add up to them.

    Myth: Delete your ex's number — That's an indication of your relationships. If you can be with a person for any extended period of time and then completely forget their number, that means the number was never important to you to begin with. And if a phone number isn't worth memorizing, then your relationship was doomed anyway. Plus, a lot of people delete numbers because once it's over they want nothing to do with the person. That's another indication of your relationships. Let's me know you got some Lebron in you, accepting defeat in the 4th quarter and giving up. Better thing to do is to close things out on good terms. You don't have to speak or see each other again, but to feel like you are going to delete the person from your life speaks to having anger in your heart. It's basically a tantrum.

    1. Can't you close things out on good terms and delete the number? I did it…it can be done. I don't have any numbers in my head..all of the numbers have changed a few times since we parted..mines too. Hey, if I see them on the street it will be church hugs all around..but, I don't think that not having an ex's number in your phone means you are angry at them…..

      1. Why did you delete the number? Because you'll never call? Do you call every number you have in your phone? Let me ask you this, do you call every number in the phone book, you have all those too. Deleting the number means something, some people can admit it and others cannot.

        1. An ex is an ex for a reason. If you are an ex then we have nothing to speak about. I know this may have to do with how most of my relationships end, but if its over then its over. I delete your number, facebook, email or any contact info I have. It's not that I'm angry or that they aren't important, but it's because I believe that if God closes a door then you leave it closed. Forgiveness does not mean that I forgot what you did or that I have to have you in my life. Maybe I'm just protecting myself from the drunk dialing situation.

        2. Yes, it means I don't even want the temptation of having the number in my phone, I'm moving on, and I wish you well..I'm not mad at all. I'm trying to move on in the best way that I know how….that's just me..its not right or wrong..it's just how I choose to do it.

        3. @Rx

          God doesn't always close a door. Sometimes God tells you that you don't belong in that room. There's a difference.

        4. @ Dr. Jay

          who goes through life with a bunch of old creaky doors of abandoned rooms open though?

          do you believe that your exes have to remain a part of your life for it to be known that you're truly over them?

        5. @Muze

          First and foremost, i'm proud of my relationship history, none of those doors are old, creaky or abandoned. I don't date people who have that type of potential. I see it differently. Sometimes that door is open to remind me that I don't need to be in there. Think about your life everyday, you drive past places that you may have been once or twice and realized that you never need to go back to that establishment or place. You don't need it to be destroyed. And also, my analogy was to say, as it is with most of my exes, it wasn't that any of us were bad people, maybe it just wasn't a good fit. Or maybe it was distance that took us apart, there are several reasons why relationships end that do not result in the need to burn the bridge.

          Your second paragraph speaks to something that I notice in a lot of women. They feel the need to have finite answers in life. It's either yes or no, never, in between. Just because I have their number, doesn't mean that they are in my life. With the exception of the couple who I remain friends with to this day, none are in my life. I rarely ever speak to them, if and only if, there is a need. I don't reach out. My point was that, deleting the number is vindictive. And although some people need that because they don't want the opportunity to reach out again. In my opinion, that means you need to come to some resolution so you don't carry that burden.

          What i'm also noticing is that a lot of relationships probably ended on bad terms with people here today. Maybe someone cheated or lied, or was a general a*shole. For me personally, relationships didn't work out because I wanted something different in my partner, different directions in life, or the relationship was better as friends than as partners. That's the majority of my breakups; granted i'm a man and that may have something to do with it.

    2. I was wondering this when I read Queen T's initial response…. like, how do you forget the number of someone you were in a relationship with? It may just be my numerically-minded brain, but any number that regularly appears in my call log, or that I dial from my home or work phones, I start to memorize.

      So I understand Dr. J's point that deleting numbers is more about ceremony than legitimately not having the person's nuimber anymore.

      HOWEVER, if your number has changed, or theirs has, since y'all were together, this makes sense. I've had the same cell phone number for like 6 years though (and before that, 4 years), so not a likely story for me.

      Interesting post, Streetz. I think we can all identify on some level, wehther we're willing to admit it or not. Even if you've never made the drunken call, you've felt the feeling…

      1. I didn't say I forgot…seeing the number in your contacts is kinda a reminder of the person…if it's not in your contacts..you won't have to glance across their number everyday….sure, you may remember the number, but the urge to call is not as bad…I don't know why people are acting like they've never deleted somebody's number…hello?

        I know it's all politically correct to say..I don't delete any ex's number…I'm cool with all my ex's and such….can't you be cool and delete their numbers…I'm just saying. geez. lol

  9. That is why I don't keep any of my ex's information in my phone….I delete it all, You are playing yourself if you carrying around all your ex's phone numbers in your phone…….and all that drunk calling, I am never going to get that drunk and I honestly don't have any ex's that are worth calling..at the time when we broke up they weren't for me for one reason or another…perhaps, they are "doing better than me"…I am pretty sure I am always going to "do better" because if the ex was what was best for me..we would still be together..and vice versa…….I always look at a break-up as God's will because everytime I have moved on from one person to another…it has worked out in my best interest….

    1. Exactly. Not unless you guys can honestly be platonic friends (which most can't) I don't see the need to even keep the number.

    2. "That is why I don’t keep any of my ex’s information in my phone….I delete it all,"

      And this is why you reign… Queen Supreme!!!! 😉

      Smart Woman.

  10. Drake Drake Drake … Lol … "The Sav(h)er" … smh.

    Anyways, Good appropriate post … Luckily for me, i'm not a drunk dialer or texter … My phone is actually the last thing i think about when drinking or at the end of the night. But even if it was around, I don't have an ex that i'd want to legitimately go back to or reassess anyways. I've had 4 relationships post HS and i've broken up with 3 of them (basically cuz they weren't for me and i wasn't for them). The one that broke up with me was the Senior HS girlfriend who stayed at home, while i went off to school. She pretty much did some deductive reasoning and figured the dope boys, who already have money, is a better move than waiting for her college bf to finish school and then earn a living. Didn't really bother me cuz the key thing out of all that is "stayed at home" … She wasn't the one for me.

    It's funny. My last gf who is a very attractive, career oriented woman called me about a month after we broke up and asked me if I had any regrets and if I was still firm in the ending of the relationship. I found it quite odd and then realized the source. She's been done wrong in the past by guys for whatever reason and they do the "drunk dialing" admitting their wrongs and their desire to get back with her, so i guess since i hadn't emo dialed her yet, she'd force the issue … She was hoping to get some satisfaction by having me say, i shouldn't have broke up with her. I didn't grant her the satisfaction. Why would I?

  11. THIS SO HAPPENED TO ME LIKE A MONTH AGO? This guy that had my nose WIDE open in college and dogged me completely out called me and started to tell me how he could get close to me again, that I still had feelings for him, that it was nothing for him to take me away from Mr. Rich. I mean on some "BeBe are you really happy." My reply, "You [email protected] right I'm happy. Let me tell you know, there is nothing you can show me, give me, do for me that Mr. Rich doesn't do on a regular. Sure, you can take US to dinner." Lest we not forget, his shotgun bride and two kids….just sorry.

    He hasn't called back.

  12. I admit i have had a few marvins room moments, i'm admittedly petty if a girl did me wrong i almost always need some type of closure whether its my own "checkmate" or at least me knowing she knows she messed up (again admittedly petty at times)

  13. I have received these call a few times….lol. I listen, laugh silently to myself, and say well…it was in both our best interests. What is even more ridiculous is that he makes these calls in different variations every so often although he has a woman. I told him while we were together that he WOULD regret it if I left his @$$…and he does. He stayed angry for a long time, talked all kinds of crap about my husband in several silly text. Within the last six months, it seems that he's finally gotten over things. I want him to be happy but it seems that he wishes I were miserable. Poor thing. I tried to tell him…

    Steve Harvey's morning show summed it up nicely today…revenge is better left served by God.

    I haven't been in the position to make that call. All of my choices I have made regarding relationships were ON POINT. I think the person making that call has many regrets and wishes they done thing differently. And the 'you could do better ' call in most cases is the person regretting s/he didn’t do better to keep the relationship on track.

    1. " I told him while we were together that he WOULD regret it if I left his @$$…and he does. "

      They never listen…poor thing, I bet he'll listen to the next girl.

  14. The real issue is the whole drunk dialing aspect of it…its not real in that case, its like your putting pride aside to tell her how you feel but you're doing it drunk so at the end of the day you can just blame it like Jamie saving your pride and ego in the process.

  15. For some reason exes that do you dirty have some type of sixth sense… like they get this tingly feeling that you are moving on and feelings might have changed. Then they pop up trying to play with your emotions.

    Sometimes you have to just hit ignore. I'm still friends with mine we hang out with the same social circles so I don’t want to look bitter/or hurt.

    1. "For some reason exes that do you dirty have some type of sixth sense… like they get this tingly feeling that you are moving on and feelings might have changed."

      *waves church fan* This ain't nuthin but the GAWD-HAVIN truf!!

  16. I've never drink dialed, been drunk dialed or even really had an ex but why don't ya'll delete the number when you break up? That way the temptation of calling somebody when you're not at your senses wouldn't happen. When you keep a number are you secretly wishing that you'll be able to use it again one day? I don't get it.

  17. **raises hand** I might be have, at one point, long long ago, been the dirty doing ex- but I've never checked in. Been checked in on by the victims. I do attempt to keep visceral reminders of how good I'm doing to exes that I think failed me, and I have drunk texted one guy to ask why we never worked… Got an answer I didn't at all want and that nipped that developing habit in the bud. No good can come from this- none! None! None!

  18. I figure if you've made that girl look stupid repeatedly over the course of the relationship, perhaps you owe it to her to humble yourself just a little bit. Did you think about her pride when you were taking advantage of her? No good may come of trying to pursue a dead relationship, but it may do so much for her spirit just hearing that her pain wasn't completely in vain.

  19. @Dr J
    I get what you're saying but are people really memorizing new numbers these days? I'm not. The only new number I've memorized is my husband's work phone, other than that, none. I have some really close friends whose numbers I don't really know. Guess I'm too dependent on my cell.

    1. I tell you right now, if you are with someone for a few years and you talk to them frequently, you may not have the WHOLE number memorized, but if their number popped up randomly, you would be like, "who is this random 240 number … oh I know who THAT is?" It's just no way your brain doesn't commit something to memory when you see it so often. People are getting too dependent on technology though. I will say this much, for some people if they delete you out their navigation system, they will never find your place again. Kills me how dependent on navi systems people are these days. All that to say, stop texting me for my address each time you come over!

      1. "I tell you right now, if you are with someone for a few years and you talk to them frequently, you may not have the WHOLE number memorized, but if their number popped up randomly, you would be like, “who is this random 240 number … oh I know who THAT is?”

        Happened to me…whether I delete it or not I still know the number.

      2. " tell you right now, if you are with someone for a few years and you talk to them frequently, you may not have the WHOLE number memorized, but if their number popped up randomly, you would be like, “who is this random 240 number … oh I know who THAT is?” "


      3. <blockquote cite="comment-315459">

        Dr. J: People are getting too dependent on technology though. I will say this much, for some people if they delete you out their navigation system, they will never find your place again. Kills me how dependent on navi systems people are these days. All that to say, stop texting me for my address each time you come over!


  20. <blockquote cite="comment-315455">

    Dr. J: Deleting the number means something, some people can admit it and others cannot.

    I agree. The only numbers I memorize are the ones I've deleted so many times that I can't help but have those 10 digits engraved in my memory. Those guys (love 'em or hate 'em) are the ones I won't ever forget about.

  21. J I'm cracking up at your navi rant! I've been using mine the last three weekends to get to a class and I was thinking I better know this by the time this class is over. Anyway, my friends' names pop up when I get a call from them. Every now and then my phone will act funny and only numbers will pop up instead of names and I'm sittiing here like who in the world?

  22. I wrote about this recently on my blog [http://wp.me/pKYAE-6E] about this guy I dated for two years who in the end didn't want to be with me, comes back 2 years later to tell me how he's going to propose to a new girl. In the midst of extolling her virtues he tells me that I'm the unforgettable one, that he can't help but compare her to me… yada yada yada.

    Instead of being flattered, I was ANGRY! You didn't appreciate me when we were together. You didn't value my friendship after we broke up. But NOW you want to tell me how great I am? You tell me now as I've reached a place of comfort in my single status? Well thank you very much!

    Then I reach the reverse. Shoe's on the other foot. I meet a new man who constantly compares me to the ex-fiancee. Or compares me to all the other girls around whom, who's beauty he treasures, and yet his benefitting from my charms.

    And I think to myself… I'm the better one in the situation. I'm the one you should notice, but you ignore. I'm the one who's investing and you're the one reaping. And the only person I can be angry with is me… I let this happen and I'm experiencing the consequences.

    So I guess the real question is… Guys, what makes her the one? Girls, what makes us stick around and find out?

  23. I for one have to much pride and I am to grown to be calling up some ex girl who I feel I wanna rekindle something with. If we were to ever rekindle something. I guess nature will take its course and will happen naturally. Just the other day my homegirls came up with a math equation on how long it would take an ex to get back with them not only is that overly cocky but also makes a dude wanna do them dirty or prove them wrong IMO. Here's the equation they came up with The time they were together x The Amount of time they been apart and something else. U get the jist of it tho

  24. <blockquote cite="comment-315469">

    Dr. J: God doesn’t always close a door. Sometimes God tells you that you don’t belong in that room. There’s a difference.

    Well if I don't belong in that room, why would I try to sneak a peak at what's going on. I can honestly say that the only relationship I fought for was my marriage. The lesson I learned from that relationship is to just leave the room alone. Sometimes we try the pry our way back into the room and we injure ourselves more than God initially intended. I'm a firm believer that if it was meant to be then it just will. But l do think that my personal experiences have shaped the way I deal with closure. I love hard, so when I walk away trust that I did so with good reason and prayer. I never said that God couldn't open that closed door, but once again I've never been put in that situation. I respect people who can be friends with an ex, but that's just not how I operate.

    1. You have not been reading what i'm saying. Please take a moment and really read what i'm trying to say to you. It seems like you're singing a song and refuse to stop even though no one is listening.

      No one is saying that you go back in that room or you even walk back through or to that door. I'm just saying leave the room. You don't even have to look at the room again. But there's no reason in closing the door, locking it and throwing away the key.

  25. Great job on this joint Streetz.

    I've never done this before. Not because I'm not prideful – I am, and not because I've never been curious about how a former lover is doing – I have been. I've never done this because the women that I've truly hurt I understand that the hurt was born out of them caring more for me than I did them, and the fact that I couldn't make myself care for them burns me up inside. I think you make Marvin's Room like calls when you care more about your feelings about a situation than you care about theirs. If you've ever really cared about a persons feelings, the way one should care about a persons feelings, you should concern yourself more with their happiness than with however you're feeling about their new situation. The only time it's acceptable to do this is when you're 100% positive you're going to be everything they need you to be. You don't call somebody and tell them "you can do better" when you're not willing to be the better.

    But the song is dope and so is this post… Drake is the king of emo rappers.

    1. <blockquote cite="comment-315474">


      Drake is the king of emo rappers.

      Drake and Joe Budden are constantly battling for the crown. The Joe Budden/Esther Baxter "No Ordinary Love pt. 3" track gave Joey the slight edge…That song makes me cringe. Drake makes me smh from time to time, but I never cringe. The jury's still out on who's emo i prefer more.

  26. <blockquote cite="comment-315450">

    krystllyght: I’ve never drink dialed, been drunk dialed or even really had an ex but why don’t ya’ll delete the number when you break up? That way the temptation of calling somebody when you’re not at your senses wouldn’t happen. When you keep a number are you secretly wishing that you’ll be able to use it again one day? I don’t get it.

    I know many people just dial from their contact list in their cell, but people remember those important numbers by heart.

    I still remember my high school boyfriends’ #…lol. I was with him 4 years so maybe that is why.

  27. let me tell you how i would never (and i mean never) go down that road. i don't care if i did a woman dirty or if she did me dirty. there is no way i'm drunk or sober dialing, bbm'ing, texting, hitting her up on gchat, nothing. like you i'm a prideful person. perhaps to a fault. if i ever got the urge to reach out on that tip, i'd just chill.

    if she has moved on i would just be happy for her. for example i got wind through a 3rd party that an ex had moved on. (in my mind) i wished her the best. the same 3rd party individuals hipped me to the fact that he had put hands to her. even though i was still cool with her and i thought she could do better i let her lay in the bed that she made. people make decisions to move on with their lives running someone through those emotions just doesn't seem fair to any party involved.

    on the flip side i have had a women hit up on the "i know i did you wrong and i messed up blah blah blah…. maybe we can try this again..blah blah blah". after the blank face she realized that what she was suggesting wasn't a good idea.

  28. First, a shameless plug…it's my 30th birthday today! YAY??? Still not sure how I'm feeling about that…

    Second, great post, Streetz.

    I never drink to the point of being drunk. And, I'd never tell any guy I've dated that he could do better. If this is actually true, it's no way in the world that I could be convinced that dude doesn't already know this. If "greener pastures" turned out to be a wasteland, it's def obvious to him since he's in the relationship…so he doesn't need me to call him and point it out.

    I think that whether or not you should revisit an old relationship depends on how it ends. If you were wronged/disrespected, pass on it. If you mutually split for any reason, I think it's fine to revisit it at a later time if you feel that you've both grown past your former problems. For as long as there was no bad blood, I'm good for the guy calling me to see what's up. See what I did there? I got pride issues and I prefer being pursured. I ain't calling nobody to rekindle anything, LOL. But, depending on what's up with me, I may be open to it…

    1. #1 "I never drink to the point of being drunk"

      You're 30 now… time to make that happen!

      #2 Happy 30th! How are you celebrating?

      #3 Good insight, and I see how you want dudes to check up on you, smfh!

      1. #1 – I don't equate drunk with fun, lol. Nothing fun about me making a fool of myself…

        #2 – I'm going away for Le'weekend! Can't wait… Today is business as usual though, lol.

        #3 – I'm old school, lol. I'll flash some eyes and a smile at a brotha but that's all the chase I got. Well…I'll also "set the scene" for him to approach. For example, make sure our mutual friend invites us to the same gathering and position myself in a "oh, we gonna chat it up tonight" kinda way. But, that's all I got, LOL. I don't approach men. IMO, men go after what they want. If they aren't coming for you, they don't want you.

        1. Yes, I get a lil goofy, even more honest than usual, and then I fall asleep, lol. No hangover madness ensues…

  29. <blockquote cite="comment-315489">

    cynicaloptimist81: First, a shameless plug…it’s my 30th birthday today! YAY??? Still not sure how I’m feeling about that…


    Feel wonderful, confident, blessed, beautiful and outstanding! It seems as if that bday gave me some more swag or something cause a sister been feeling herself even more so since last year.

    1. Thanks a bunch…and I sure hope you're right, LOL! 🙂

      Even though I was informed that women don't have swag recently, lol…not sure if this is a general male thought or not but dude sho'nuff said it.

  30. I have an ex girlfriend that our relationship ended because she was veering towards the church holy holy life, and i was veering towards the "are you coming by the house after bible study tonight tho".

    So we werent compatible, cool i brushed it off and kept it moving. Yet she still messages me on yahoo about once or twice a week just saying "hey" for the last 2 years. Depending on where i am in my personal life i'll respond back and see if maybe she put the bible down and is trying to come chop it up. But NOOOOOOOPE! She still dont be talking about anything, we still two non-compatible people we havent changed. Why are you still hitting me up? (and not at least throwing me the drawls)

  31. Good post. Something tells me I know where you got this idea from.lol.

    I've never done this to anybody and nobody has done this to me…unless you count that "why wasn't I good…" ehh, let me not go there today.

    When I'm done with somebody, I'm done with them. As salty or whatever as I may be in the moment or months after, I don't call them. They are gone from my phone, my gchat list, my life. I don't even wanna accidentally dial the number and have it ring their phone once.

  32. Wow! This post is the story of my life!

    I rarely end on a bad note with an ex or guy I used to date. I'm almost always friends with past situations, so I fall victim to these phone calls, texts, and BBMs.

    Just this week, i was told "I want you. I miss you." Mind you, I dated this guy two years ago and he currently has a girlfriend. I replied, "Right… but you also want someone else, namely your girlfriend." He said, "I just thought it should be said, because it's true."

    No… no.. no… lol. It should NOT be said. Because now I know about a guy who likes me that has a girlfriend… Why!?!??

  33. Baha..Drake, or anyone in his situation needs to get new friends…because mine would have already stepped in and took the phone out of my hand lol


Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get SBM Delivered

Get SBM Delivered

Single Black Male provides dating and relationship
advice for today's single looking for love

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This