Around this time last week, Drake dropped a new track that may end up on his upcoming LP Take Care called Marvin’s Room. The song is Mixtape Drizzy at his finest, depicting a classic situation in which many dudes have found themselves – drunk dialing an ex to express repressed feelings of regret and defiance. For reference purposes (and because its hella DOPE), check out my dude Lowkey’s breakdown of what Marvin’s Room really means. For those who haven’t heard it, this is an excellent translation to the song.
Now as I listened to the song, I could hear the hurt in Drake’s voice as he spoke from the perspective of a dude who’s been drinking, and going through his phone. He look s at numbers of former lovers. Lovers he may have done wrong. Lovers with whom the relationship didn’t work. Lovers who now have move onto alleged greener pastures. He gets the urge to call, and we all know when the Henny’s in the system, aint no tellin what you can do. He calls and makes a bold proclamation to his former lover that we, in similar positions, may have thought, but never spoke aloud:
“I’m just sayin, you could do better…”
Have I felt like this before? Plenty of times. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t. The difference is, I wouldn’t speak these words , or ever give a former significant other the satisfaction of hearing me argue this point. I’m an extremely prideful person, and while pride may be one of seven deadly sins, it’s a sin I on which I predicate my movements. No matter how inebriated or sorrowful, I never scratched the itch to make that fateful call. My rationale? Why?! That’s the best way to explain it…
Why call up a woman who I’m no longer involved with, who now is booed up, to rain on their parade? To prove to them that they still love me? To give a thesis argument on why the dude she’s with now will never measure up to me? To play chess with her emotions as I calculate 7 moves ahead, devising a strategy to bend and break her will until she finally slips up, admit unresolved feelings, as I declare “checkmate”? Seriously, what is it worth at the end of the day? For all the exhilaration you may get to still see that she thinks about you, still loves you, wishes things happened differently, you lose face and self respect. We all win and lose in relationships, and in life. Losing only lingers when you don’t learn the lessons it teaches. You think LeBron will call up Dirk months later to ask him if he still thinks about game 6?
Think about it on the flipside: what if s/he doesn’t give you the reaction you thought you’d get? You ever have an ex do you dirty, then try to “touch base” months later to “talk”? They hit you with the ultimate G. They ask why you can’t be friends anymore. They bring up the good times. They try to swindle you out of remembering that while you were together, she was getting her back chiropracted by other dudes, and puts your faults at the forefront. They look at your every reaction, verbal and non-verbal, to see if they get THAT reaction. If they get you to come back home and reconcile on their terms. You open your mouth, and as they think to themselves “Victory is mine!!” in their best Stewy Griffin voice, you speak, and you COOK them! You let them know that their actions and life are bottom! You inform them that their words mean nothing and that you are good (whether you are or not). You offer them no satisfaction and you inform them that whatever they sought from you won’t be found. Not today. Not ever. So now, as you pick up your face, sober up, and realize your soul is in shambles, you wonder to yourself “was it REALLY worth it?”.
Resist the urge to drunk or emotionally dial. Keep your phone away from you. Activiate the beer goggles option on Gmail. Something! I may have a lot of pride, and it may hurt me at times, but it protects me in many instances. My love of self, and fear of looking stupid in any situation, prevents me from the ominous calls of “FCK that new dude you know we have something special”. Maybe they can do better. Maybe they’re doing better now. Maybe, some questions are better left unasked.
P.S. This is the last week to vote for SBM in the Black Weblog Awards. We made it in 5 categories and need your support! Best Post Series, Best Group, Best Sex & Relationship, Best Design, and Blog of the Year. You can vote here.