Home Advice How Can Your New Lover Measure Up To Your Ex In Bed?

How Can Your New Lover Measure Up To Your Ex In Bed?


This past weekend I was able to watch Chris Rock’s “Kill The Messenger” stand up special again.

If you’ve followed my writing you know that I gain a lot of inspiration from stand up acts. We laugh at most jokes because we relate. Kill The Messenger is one joint that grew on me over time. My favorite bit in that stand up was Chris’ bit on relationships.

There’s a part where Chris says “Men cannot go backwards sexually and women cannot go backwards in lifestyle.” In regards to men not being able to go backwards sexually, I laughed. Check out the clip below of the whole bit. Just a friendly disclaimer, it’s NSFW. So if you’re in the office throw some headphones on.


Chris Rock tells the ladies to blame their man’s exes for setting the bar too high in the bedroom. As I can look back on my past with women, I certainly relate. I think all guys relate. There are some amazing women that we have dealt with that simply knocked our socks off. I mean they knocked them off and they flew to the other side of the room. Some women are a hard act to follow and there might be a pun in there somewhere.

At the same token, I’m sure many women can relate as well. There are some men in your past whose performances could never be duplicated. You might still think of how he used to do that “thing” from time to time. It’s okay, we all reminisce, let’s not front. But after all of those amazing moments things still didn’t last. Now that parties move on, how can your new interest measure up?

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Most people would be inclined to say that communication is key.

That may very well be true, but that’s only half of the story. You can always tell someone what you want and how you want it. That person still has the capacity to not deliver. Conversely, someone might do things even better than your past lover.

There’s no real manual to get someone new to measure up to your exes performance.

As humans we will hold anyone to some satisfactory level in the bedroom. Whether it be foreplay, oral, or intercourse, everyone has standards. It might be unfair to compare new people to your exes in bed. I know that I’m guilty of it from time to time. I know some ladies are as well. Some people we have dealt with in our lives are just great at some special things. We would be lying if we said it was easy to let go.

So let’s talk about it, can men go backwards sexually after a woman has put it down crazy? Do you ladies have the same experience of holding new boos to exes sexual standards? Have recent loves exceeded the performances of your exes? Do you wish there were certain skills your new joint has that an ex had? Let’s have some fun, let’s talk about it.

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These are my words and I make no apologies.

DamnPops is a writer and podcaster on the staff at SBM: “I’m not a biter, I’m a writer for myself and others. ” Follow me on Twitter @DamnPOPS and @NegroPPodcast . Also, subscribe on iTunes to the Negro Please Podcast and visit our website here!


  1. This is a is am amazing read Sir, now here’s my take. I totally disagree that a man cant go back sexually. In all honesty, I truly believe that anyone can choose to settle for less in the bedroom, if and only if… 1. The sex with this new person isn’t just down right terrible, and more importantly 2. Everything else about that person is way better than the ex. (Like I mean ERRTHANG) Like every man in the world, I too enjoy good sex. However, when choosing a mate it’s so much bigger than the power of good sex. I mean really and truly, you can screw my brains out a million times but if you don’t mentally and emotionally do it for me… We will probably only screw around for a while. Good sex wont make you my girlfriend. Maybe when I was younger and that’s all that mattered but as a man looking to settle down at some point soon, sex is minor in the grand scheme of things. Ladies don’t be fooled… good sex will only by you more time. Now if you combine that with a good heart, sweet soul and a mentality and actions that are aligned to achieve greatness. Then maybe, just maybe you can be mine forever.

    1. I’m in agreement with all of this. You get older you become more refined. In the context of being more serious with someone because they’re the “total package” I definitely can see a guy being okay with dialing things back. This only is of course if the sex is satisfactory to him. So I dig it, I do think the women who really went in during the past will always have a special place in your mind though. You may only visit that mental space once in a blue lol.

  2. It’s important to try and look at each person as an individual. I try very hard not to compare and allow my experiences with a new individual to develop naturally, as they did with prior mate. Past relationships did not start out with awesome sex. It was through many shared experiences and strengthened feelings that complimented the awesome sex. Many people have unrealistic expectations but everything takes time, and I am a bit more realistic and optimistic about potential.

    I never start out in a sexual relationship telling new guy to do what old guy did. It more than likely will never be the same, so embracing what new guy offers and having new experiences I find to be an awesome way to connect with new guy.

  3. I think that this is the reason why so many are unsatisfied in bed or with their partner. Instead of focusing on the person you are currently involved with, you are busy looking at them through the lenses of what your ex(es) have done. I think that it is important to reintroduce the new person to your likes and dislikes and instruct them on what it is that turns you on. They should do the same. That way, you guys can remix it and personalize how you please each other.


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